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I wonder if these words will reach you
Penning them down furiously
Wondering, thinking
What's your reaction?
Are you happy, exalted that I deem you
This important
Or does it even matter anymore
Brush me off, treat it with disdain
Shrug it off your shoulders
Like the burden of these words
Don't lie with you anymore

Hey,
What're you thinking?
Will these words even get to you
I don't know whether I should
Show it to you
I feel embarassed at the thought
Of this ever reaching you
And you knowing that it was about you
Would **** you
I know where you're at
Just not with me
I feel pathetic

Yes, this isn't going to reach you
I am not going to put it in a place
Where you'll know this is me
And the 'you' here is YOU

My heart fragments a bit
I feel more downcast now
I've stopped writing so furiously
Lean back a bit
Examine these words
The black, the blue

What's the point
If I don't show this to you
How will I know
Your reaction?
Comments?
Yes, I use violent imagery
Correction: I love using violent imagery
Does that annoy you?
Somehow set you off?

Is it because you wish
That I was a bit more 'normal'
A bit less pronounced, obvious
About who I am?

Are you annoyed because
You wish I'd feel embarrased
Of this part of myself?

Does it **** you off
To see me proudly display
My inner self-
all of it-
Without any of your foolish
Censoring?

Is it perhaps because
I am attempting to accept myself
Whatever I might be, its entirety?

Does it anger you
Because you
You bowed your head
And conformed when
Someone else came
And censored you?

But I
I refuse to do the same
For this is me
And I am not going to
Pick apart and,
Cut out
The bits of me you don't like
The shards
That form the complete picture

I refuse to allow
You to touch them
For this is ME
ME
Not you
Not your domain

**NOT under your control
This basically explains why I've been away
Atrocities committed
At the dead of night
She runs, feet pounding
Against the pavement
Desperately trying

t
o

f
i
n
d

a

w
a
y

o
u
t

Poor little girl
Darling little girl
She almost made it
Comments?
"You're my tool. I hope you remember that"*

The words were whispered to her
By a figure, sitting, cigarette clenched
Not yet lit; A lighter is tossed in her direction
She knows it isn't about their ego
It's a statement of her loyalty

Bends down on one knee
Kindles it with a match instead
Lighter still clutched in her hands
She walks out, leaving it on the table
Just beside the door
"I take my pride with me,"
She tossed back to the figure
Who was staring
At her disappearing back
A tired looking lady
With eyebags
Crumpled, wrinkled clothes
That are too big for her
Disguise whatever
Little curves remain
Her eyes
Dull
Black

She is drenched
Striding inside
Without a care
Like she belongs
In her shabby, shabby clothes
With her hair
A complete mess

She is soaked through and through
The thunder roars again
Muted due to the glass and steel walls
She walks in
A tiny spark
A flash of something
In her dull, dull eyes

People gossip
About perhaps an affair
A failed marriage
A mental breakdown
For one of those reasons
Maybe all of them

Generally, she comes
In the subway
Very particular
About umbrellas too
Today, she carries none
Little Miss Particular

She walks into
The manager's office
A letter neatly typed out
Black and white
Shielded by her brown
Worn coat
Three sizes too big

She has been working
For seven years at the firm
She puts it on the table
Says a polite, 'Thank you,
But I cannot do this anymore.'

And, she is out
Onto the streets
Her eyes
Still dull
A lady with crazy hair
The rain pelts down
As she disappears
Into the fog
I hope she found
What she was looking for
I've never felt good enough

*The raindrops hide the tears
The tears chase down the raindrops
But I'll never let them know
Words that sear
Lost in that
Endless haze
Of smoke,
Drifting towards
The skies
In that illumination
Burnt into our eyes
By the rays of a sun
That has long since
Disappeared
Beneath the horizon

Cigarette held loosely
But firmly
Between your fingers
You take a drag
I cannot help
But laugh
Cheered by the scene
You, content
And feeling cool and cynical
With each drag
Inflating with the feeling
That you're older- an adult
I laugh again
As you continue
To treat me like a child
But the sun has fully set
The red spreading like cancer
Through the skies,
Through my veins
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