makeup smudged, mascara runs
down the face of that stupid *****
Canceled plans, teenage antics are now ******* up and forgotten
fooling everyone but her self, she wears her heart upon her sleeve
wrapped up in others concerns, forgotten who she use to be
only comfortable  when not her self, what a depressing life to lead
She is on a leash being tugged and pulled, she knows she has a master
behind the painted nails and the perfect scented perfume lies a ***** at deaths door

Sometimes I wish it would all go away
The pain and hurt i feel everyday
Never wanting to take off my makeup i hide with-in
I wish that I could fly away to some place to possibly stay a night of yonder
It is there that I would ponder
What I truly desire
I claim to want you all the time
But is the love I have to great for even me to want to find?
I want to never again cry
I want the time to pass me by
go somewhere else while I lay here and die
Show me what i need to learn
As I sit here moping, wishing for your return

Tick tock its 12 'o clock and your smiling merely
tick tock its 1' o clock as tears pour from your eyes
tick tock its 2' o clock and everything is fine once again
tick tock its 3 'o clock and your late once more
tick tock its 4'o clock and your wondering what you did
tick tock its 5'o clock and everything is happy again
tick tock its 6' o clock and your wondering why your still here
tock tock its 7' o clock and you swear you never want to leave
tick tock its 8'o clock and your being pulled in every direction
tick tock its 9' o clock and toy have become someone you have grown to hate
tick tock its 10' o clock and its the best feeling in the world
tick tock its 11' o clock and you have just messed up again
tick tock its 12 'o clock ans everything starts over

I look in your eyes and i see her staring back at me
I want to choke on the perfect air surrounding me
I hate that school and what it means
I despise that town with its simplicity
I feel as if i will never be able to grow up
I'm stuck in a rut it has a tight hold
That room has memories that are not me
As you kiss my neck and run your hand up my thigh, i see you pushing her up against the wall in the corner of my eye
I want to spit the taste of bitterness and jealousy of out my mouth but it clings to my throat, it wont go out
I know that you see only perfection in me
When i look in the mirror all i see are my own comparisons staring back at me
I'll never be your perfect woman, someone with dignity and grace
I cling to you for everyone else has sinply gone away
left me alone with you only yo stay
Its been YEARS and I'm still obsessed with the past
get me out of this place, let me have peace at last

Always picking me up when I fall
loving you broke my down my stubborn wall
No longer do I have to wear my mask of insecurity, because i know that you will love me for all eternity
And when i look deep into your blue eyes i see your gentle soul staring back at me
The sound of your voice sends goose bumps down my spine
your always so passionate, so loving, so kind
Your the most wonderful person to be around, I'm completely content in my self because of you, I love all the things you say and do
3 years of love will not be enough for me I have to be with you forever and longer, will you hold me up tight, keep me warm and protected from fright
Let our passion grow wings and take flight
let the candle of our romance forever glow bright
let the softness of your kiss never fade from my lips

My heart breaks from the inside out, the tears are my only release
You were the knot that tied us all together with out you here were all just frayed strings
And even though I know your in a better place, I feel my heart will constantly ache
I wish we could of spent more time together
and yet i know this is temporary, its not forever
In heaven now how happy you must be
Your with the rest of your family
I wish i could see your face just one more time
A greater husband, Father, grandpa, friend we will never find

The hateness over flows its running through my head
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
How I wish I could fly away deal with all this ******* some other day
If I'm the one who bothers you so much I'll leave and never look back
then you can have all the free time to do whatever you please
make me cry make me beg on my knees
How happy do you become when I hurt so bad
does my misery feed you up fast
do you enjoy making me look like a fool
I only became a fool when I fell for you

freedom is the girl who lives away who has really started her life
freedom is the girl who dos not care what anyone thinks
freedom is the girl who realizes she cant be perfect
freedom is the girl who is willing to stand up for her self
freedom is the power to stop being so lazy
FREEDOM IS SELF EMPOWERMENT!!

I have you in the morning light
evening comes, the darkness falls, you're love for me is what lights the way
holding long onto your hand and you tenderly kiss the softest part of my face
my soul aches with longing to always see your beautiful face
caress me down with loving embrace

Theses tears of love feel like acid aganist my face
I want to see the world and dance among the stars i want to hear "be who you are"
To run through the fields and only care about me
to not have to feel guilty about my own discoveries
Your cursing hatred crushes down all around me
You keep me trapped in my own insanity
And yet your the one who loves me the most, its as if I'm living the life of a ghost

open you're legs you little *****, that's all you're worth for
If only you could see my side of the story, if only you knew the pain I felt so ashamed of following you're orders
why cant I be a bigger person
cowering in fear of what you say, ashamed of my own body.
and those disgusting text he sent me, I'm embarrassed to be alive
No longer innocent and sweet, I see a ***** every time I see my own face
I'm so tired of you calling me names.  It only confirms everything I already know about my self.
I wish I could take back everything that happened that day
I wish I could make the whole world go away..
but I cant
How can you say such spiteful words, they slap me across the face with regret.
I long to be perfect in your eyes again, not the ***** you see, the ugly **** you created
Why cant I live in sanity, Why must this action forever haunt me
If only you knew how  really felt, not the actions you have created in your mind
Please just allow me to cower and hide, never again to ever have pride
Maybe one day I'll win back your love

I'm obsessed with things that no longer exist
I know that for you then was pure bliss
You told me you and her were done
You told me I was the only one
Pictures on the wall mock me with their simplicity

you're caught up in the person you think you want to be
You try so desperately to escape reality
I don't even know who you are anymore, but I know its someone I'll never want to be
I can't hold on to the memories of how it use to be of you and me
you're no longer my best friend, you're just a worthless druggie
And even if you were to stop I know it will never be the same
You had it all and you fell from grace, all because you could not satisfy your taste
Look at you now what do you have to show?
A felony record, no job, living like a slob
I'm angry at you for the stupid choices you make
I'm sad that I never get to see a real smile on your face
I hate my self for being jealous of those other losers with whom you would rather spend your time
all because you always have to snort another line
I have to realize that I cant control the choices that you make
I hate you for leaving me all alone, I hate you for NEVER picking up your ******* phone
but most of all I hate you for no longer being my friend
I guess you lied when you said we would be best friends till the end

my feet are trapped beneath  the sand your name is what pulls me under
Like a drug i cant get enough of, I'm addicted to the way you make me feel
Words i wish i could say seem always caught in my throat.
Always stepping on nails my emotions are bleeding all over the floor
Stupid pointless protest really don't make me feel empowered
hot tears stream down my melting face
I look down at my stomach that constantly aches

The way i was I feel does not reflect who i really want to be
If only I could see that i realy have it all, its as if i want my self to fall from grace
A beautiful boy who loves me for me. Its like I'm always greedy for more
Whats wrong with my face, the way I think everything is painted like an image on the wall.
The artist i wish that i could be struggles with my own humanity
From the box the wrappings torn, I'm not the present wrapped up tight.

So sad that i have to feel this way
I'm drowning in my own thoughts, everything is pounding on my brain and rushing out my eyes
At this point I'm not surprised you have no pity for me
However, always know that for you I care deeply making you run away

Does anyone know the real me or is a reflection all they can see
Pulled in every direction I wish I could split in two
Everyone hates each other but I love both
When am I suppose to find peace within if I always have to enforce it out side
"we love you friend" "i love you babe" and yet I'm suppose to love both
Tangled up in everything all at once trapped beneath the very depths of my soul
Innocent, soft radience is what i want to show
hard, silicon, stupid ***** is all that they know
secret lives, secrets i no longer want to hide
Silently the soldiers weeps, I wish to rise up from the ashes
cant think, cant eat, cant dream too many noises are on in my mind.

its new years eve and what do i have to show
some drunken awareness i don't think so
all the memories of this year are flashing in front of me
all the friends i thought i had gained   all the best friends  lost in the blink of an eye
another year wiser another year wiser?
independence gained, victory made, relationships lost

Drained of every emotion all that i have is whats left of my body while I sleep
Use me up as I dream come and tell me what to be
Open my eyes to my destiny
Know that I'm not the only one. That others follow in my wake wanting life and not to forsake
It all absorbs into the dirt and like the glass its gone and dry my life, my grace, my dignity gone somewhere else for a day
Let me sleep off all that makes me question my self let me find a better way to say the words I cant find, the courage to speak out loud

Water, Water all around but it was not so safe and sound
for in this water my friend drowned
I was a school the day it happened but i can picture it as if i was there
The water was running very fast
I wish my friends had decided to keep walking instead of stopping for a swim but i cant change the past
While everyone else was doing something different he fell in and hit his head and that was good bye to my dear sweet friend
When they started to notice that he was missing they didnt worry they thought he had gone home insted
But when they got home he wasn't there, that gave everybody a great big scare
His sister came down to my house to see if i had seen him but i had not so she left
I prayed to god to make sure he was okay
But it was too late to save him from his fate
Later she called and told me he was dead, i went and cried in my bed
I'm still sad even to this day, but i know that everything will turn out ok

Cracked in half i see two but which side is better?
slowly sinking in icy water my head unable to break the surface
like a baby chicken trapped in its shell,I wish to awaken to real me
The door to my room is locked up tight and only my soul hold the key
constantly seeking approval, I don't even approve of who I am.

The reflection in the mirror shows who I truly want to be
separated by a pane of glass which represents my reality
love of life seems like such a great mystery
words flow from my pen as if to speak for me
Only on this page can I truly scream at the top of my lungs I've been trained to remain silent
Everyone feels they know the real me so well but I don't even know my self
mirror, mirror on the wall....is anyone really the fairest of them all?