if you only get better through spite,
hate my ******* guts
and get to work.

I'm the happiest I've been in awhile.
I'm a fighter,
   I love the eyes that think they know what they see.

the internet is a silent cry for true connection.

i dont love pain.
i love relief.
i hate inflicting harm.
i hate it inflicted on me.

we try so hard to not be the parts of us we wish weren't us.

little do we know we can become who we want with what we have.

i say things that others would say.
the others that wish to tear you down.
i know i have positive intent instead.
to push you to strive above.
to a grander image i see in you.
i base that higher entity all in reality, all of the healthy
and the unhealthy.
I admit ive been selfish in that acquisition of that greater image.
on what I wanted or felt needed from you too.
not just based on what I saw of you.
to go completely selfless is to lose one's self.
the sad truth is if it kills your identity too large, i will seek to love you under different terms, different definitions.
no longer will i allow either of us to suffer in cycles, when we know we want wants best for eachother.

Im driven to the future
which is the past
i wish to make even greater.

is it scary to see a mad man's scribblings make some sense?

I lay between the moon and sun
centered in blissful harmony.

ill give you all the time in the world,
but our time is limited here.
So make sure to make it count.

Time is infinite.
Choose to be good.

in a model of a family,
i might have been the big brother
who failed his little sister,
so much she swore me off.

maybe it is impossible to make right by you.
the best ive found i can do is give time
and hope to god.

we are cursed people, i've found out,
but we overcome.
the mind so in tune with the thought of another, did we switch places, just to see?

nothing is over until we perish, then, we are free.
i don't pray for that day
i hope to use all this body gives to me
until it finally gives out.

the truth is you had no idea what you were getting yourself into

i was in a terrible dark place
among unknown terrors
and i held on so tight
i suffocated you.
i don't apologize for it.
i apologize for not being more for you in hard times; i had to strengthen and decipher the hieroglyphs of emotion.
and i hope you'd forgive me, for not listening in my survival instinct, for i know how much i can be for you now, listening so closely to your heart that it seemed everyone else passed by.

my sister's marital love defined dance to me.
a young child putting every ounce of all his frustrated confusing pain into an astonishing life full groove,
channelling loss into beauty.

my failed love, i gifted you
a part of that soulful movement,
hooked by my confidence and
the love we were to give and understand together.
and together we did until
we stepped too ******* eachother's toes.
all his hurt from his grown heart, her sweetness from her, that now switched to her sour, and the power she pressed on the cracks shall be how i break dance.

my best friend, you added boats to that monument.
i fell into your dream
textbook revaluation
of reality.
all his complicated feelings
held so tender, in stillness
like they were heaven-sent
accomplishments to only overcome.

my best friend, hold her tight.
she deserves it just as much as me, our broken hearts had reel from the same grief. the sad truth i know, i can take this alone.
we danced until we couldn't.
in time, i'd gladly take your hands for any last dance, if you are in looking for a partner.

the intention of my words are always good.
without discussion,
how am I to know if they impact negatively?

i am not a mind reader.
and if you read my words,
how will i know which way?

i only see love and preach my honesty.
love can hurt, and i do not wish that on anyone.

IF YOU ARE COMFORTABLE IN MISERY,
YOU SHOULD NOT BE COMFORTABLE.
SEEK DEMANDING TRIALS.
YOU SHOULD NOT BE MISERABLE.
YOU CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING.

when depression strikes,
i'd rather hold that weight to myself
than harm others under that unlimited upending pressure.

releasing it in power, like a bully, only makes it worse.
releasing it slowly, with a guiding healing hand, made it better.
that hand lost, i miss it, but it is no worse than before.

if i were more selfish
id tell you exactly what you want to hear.

reeling, my heart.
you are responsible
i have paid my dues.

what kind of friend kills belief within their own pride?

the more i get pushed down
the more i push on up.

twinkling star
you look so alone!
yet i can tell
there are others that
connect and constellate to you,
even if i can't see them.

here i am integrating myself through electronical internet connectivity.
i will eventually integrate myself with the blissful nature connectivity.

what a thoughtful idiot

be wary of your power.
use it only for what you want, or what you need, the most.

sorry to those that have no clue what in the sam **** im talking about lol

there's some riddle here.
why did i never realize i loved you ad much as i did.
until the message of a story of the ocean hit so home.
should i confess my feelings as they did?
is it a day late, a dollar short?
i have so many questions.

the first is, how did i hurt you so much to warrant you gone?
i tried every single thing to not allow that to happen, it was my largest nightmare, i would, and will, sacrifice every single thing against you gone, yet it still happened.

i am still left wondering, why?

don't blame yourself,
don't blame anyone.

when you get that close to greatness,
you are prone to failure.

my heart may be too heavy to hold.
but please, soothe my scars.

you were my super hero
always swooping in to save the day.

merely seeing your face would make
me happy,
a healing aura.
like the image of my mother,
but you were there.

What has my love become now?
A void I fill with words?
It feels like you are still here.

if i had you by my side
   i could accomplish everything.
with you in heart
i could accomplish anything.

even if time had no merit
some large part of me,
would wait for you.

my best friend.
that, i never forgot.
i don't leave anyone behind.

rushing tumbling at the heart of the sea.
how long have I since been ****** down, rumbling, toughening, by the ocean's regrets?
waves of disapproval. waves my face crashed through.
stronger. stronger. stronger.
the pressure made me.
I finally headbutted the floor, but it wasn't enough.

tsunami caused behind me;
I dig to the core.
hurricane of emotion;
I caused boats to overturn.
something singing terrorizing songs against me;
the current I swim into.

a buoy I could be,
the anchor I must.

dont get pulled by the riptide,
grab me by my shell,
I shall be your sea turtle,
in me, do you trust?

frozen with sadness
my heart beckoned to the sea
but there stood a lull of the moon's tide.
awaken
in another life.

i wish, you forever.

they tell you to put it all in the past
to move on
so they can hide their crimes
in the drift of time.

but time.
it always favors good.

divert your focus
to an open soul
and you will find
what it is your
eyes wish to see

some days

i lack the empathy
to care for my life.

those days
i will lay
as to not act.

specific days
i will go through month's of emotion,
breeching from the
war between my heart
and my mind.

my entire life would feel complete
if you did nothing but embrace me.
i thought there a life we were to know eachother.

my tears of millenia

would release. all my tension, depression, dark thoughts

would be nothing to your starry glory.
i hope to reflect that same warmth
in any dreary snow-storm.
your cloudy wear.

i love the person you are
more than i have ever
loved another.
i see you in the puddles or
a flower, or a rainbow.

a kiss would **** me
and i could be born anew.

you are the sun
and i am but the sprout that grew.

open yourself up to me
so you can join me in the heaven
you helped create.

open yourself up to me
so I can leave you in the misery
I helped create.

i refuse to compromise
with the devils of this land.
flaws will measure about as far
as i keep them on their leash