Maybe I don't know Loss
aswell as I used to.
I prided myself in it-
knew its every feeling.
but I turned myself
from it to ensure
I wouldn't fall as
hard as I had known
before.
grief always ashamed
me but it also changed
me,
I don't even know how
to feel it anymore.

That's where
some pride gets you,
perpetual losing
in a state of perpetual
winning,
reality is the hardest
thing to work through
when stuck there;
like for better or for worse

sure I don't know everything
but I'll die before I say
"I've stopped searching".
In the face of many
obstacles
the poetry will come
sevenfold,
I just need to learn
to slow down or
whatever it is
I may still find
to learn.

fiancé music
a masked Frenchman
beer mugs
and Hallelujah
ice cream and gyros
ringing bells
carillon empassions
aquamarine capos
bug-bite hoverings
Follow me !
through haydream
daydews, to
songs out of
no where.
I guess that's
why they call it the blues,
because God only
knows what I'd be
without you;
Bethlehem.
Maybe I'd be a
breathless mess
or a hapless test
but flowers are for today
and toddlers are for tomorrow
there need no more poems
about sorrow.

oh mother of mine,
storm in my mind,
bring the thunder !
bring the rain !
I gave myself two
weeks of sadness-
that's all I can allot,
I promise;
        I'm sorry...

am I cool or whatever ?
           sweet or something ?
  annoying or not ?
prone to mockery ?
lovely or lonely ?
              clowning or frowning ?
    goodly or badly ?
                     what am I ?
a pink toast bubblegum ?
tough-toothed sleuth under-summed ?

am I smart ?
                                                   am I wise?
am I hurt ?
                                                    am I nice?
am I right ?
                                              am I alright ?
am I dirt ?
                                               or despised ?
am I him ?
                                                    am I her ?
am I sane ?
                                                 or besides ?
am I wrong ?
                                            I wish I knew !
I wish I knew !
            I wish I could know the known !
am I the walk ?
                                             am I the run ?
should I talk the talk ?
                         should I look at the sun ?
would it be that much more fun ?
                                       should I give up ?
should I give in ?
                                          should I let go ?
should I hold tight ?
                                    forfeit to the light ?
or sleep in the dark ?
                                    am I the monster ?
am I the mayhem ?
                                           am I the hero ?
am I the savior ?
                                        am I the friend ?
am I the enemy ?
                                           am I the rival ?
is this tribal ?
                                                is this libel ?
or liberty ?
                                           am I freedom ?
or captivity ?
                               am I love or nothing ?
hate or everything ?
                  is this too long for pleasure ?
too short for knowledge ?
                                           am I the view ?
am I the new ?
                                              am I the old ?
is this gold ?
                                              am I boring ?
too questioning ?
                                  too understanding ?
have you stopped reading ?
                           have I stopped writing ?

I have no idea what some of the stuff I write is supposed to mean,
I just write it to be honest.
It's not my job to find meaning that I've already marked.
Must be there somewhere,
I mean- I mean, don't I ?
Maybe I mean confusion,
delusion,
or conspiracy.
Elusion,
contusion,
or heresy ?
I could hardly tell.
English is fun
and that's all I know,
I speak to be spoken I guess.