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Sep 2013 · 913
I Am Hell
Tessa Marie Sep 2013
When the sun is shining its brightest
The world still seems so black
And the little light that escapes through
The shaded window sets flames
That burn and boil skin.
Tears cant put the fiery blotches to rest.
Cemented in position, I sit and listen
To the crackling of the burning rose,
And feel nothing but excruciating pain.
Remembrance of pleasure no longer exists.
How long have I sat in the shadowed room
Cooking like a pig on an open fire?
I no longer fear Hell because I am
The dangerous place that brings nothing but
Distaste and torture to those weeping souls.
I am Hades trapped in my destiny of colorless
Conversation with myself and those who
Also burn for eternity.
Acceptance will never travel through these veins
Of mine when it comes to looking inside my mind.
This depressing space owns me,
And I will never be okay with the scent of
My burning skin.
I've been away for a while battling myself. Please forgive me for the depressing poem. This is my mind and has been for a long moment.
Aug 2013 · 644
Untitled
Tessa Marie Aug 2013
I'm sick.
One minute I'm dancing with angels
And the next I'm crying on the shoulder of
Lucifer himself.
I'm a double spy,
One who doesn't even know which
Side she's on.
No, I won't answer any questions,
Because I don't know;
I simply don't know.
Look away, don't dare try to
Take a glance inside my heart.  
It's gone somewhere, it's being pulled
To pieces by the heavens and
The hells.
They have it, you don't and
Neither do I.
I'm a heartless ***** who's dying
To love and be loved and who's dying
To be a someone,
To be a real person.
Aug 2013 · 827
My Body is ME.
Tessa Marie Aug 2013
My body is not some pyramid
That you can ransack,
Abolish and steal anything
In your path.
It's a temple that requires
Soft thought and gentle footsteps,
Sacred prayer and silent understanding.
My body is meant to be worshipped,
And held in highest regard.
It is not a something, but so much more.
It's a place;
One that will keep you warm
Through the winters, my heart lighting
The wood the keeps the fire burning.
It's a being;
More than some lifeless toy
That you lie on top of
And **** ruthlessly.
It's everything in between.
From the heavens above that bring
The deserving wonderful pleasure,
To the Grand Rapids that keep
Life dangerously fun.
My body is the tree that releases
The oxygen you breath,
And the small rabbit that you want
To pet and coddle.
It's capable of anything and everything,
So I expect you to treat it
As if it were the sky,
Something endless and always worth
Exploring and excitement.
My body is me.
Aug 2013 · 1.4k
If I Died Tomorrow
Tessa Marie Aug 2013
If I died tomorrow
I'd not only leave behind notebooks and pens,
Pastels and chalky handprints on walls,
But entire worlds and emotions stronger
Than the winds that make skyscrapers dance.
I'd leave behind scribbled screams and
Sacred secrets blurred together with
Reds and pinks that passionately slur into
Truths that have never been told.
I'd leave behind dragons that exhale purrs of wisdom that can be harmlessly crafted
Into beautiful cat eye shaped diamonds,
Which would decorate the neck of
Each breathing creature.
And children born with a thousand unshrivable
Hearts that beat for every being,
And hold nothing but compassion
That burns smile shaped scars into every mind.
If I died tomorrow,
I wouldn't leave behind anything special,
Just the worlds I'd hope to greet with
Arms held high and a happiness that will
Prance across fields of sunflowers.
Aug 2013 · 879
Like A Cigarette
Tessa Marie Aug 2013
Like a flame to a cigarette,
You set my body on fire
And it slowly burns,
Releasing the smoke that is my desire.

Like the nicotine,
I crave you almost hourly
And you make me insane
When you refuse to give me my proper dose.

I want to feel your lips
Dance around the filter
And I want your lungs to
Inhale my pleasure.

But like all my cigarettes,
You've burned out
And have left me to go madly
Into withdrawal.
Jul 2013 · 914
The Greatest Moments Ever
Tessa Marie Jul 2013
The greatest moments ever
Were strung together by arguing over
Who would get to play with the most
Beautiful Barbie and the smell
Of an innocent, sleepy morning.
When the day was new and the excitement
Of choosing what to wear,
The purple leggings with a Harley
Sweater that would growl when
We would push on the center.
When all of the neighborhood kids
Would meet on top of the hill that
Held our imaginations greatest creations.
The greatest moments ever
Were when our mother's would arrive home
From being gone for far too long and the
Scent of the night would consume our nostrils
And just remind us that she'll always come back.
When security wasn't an issue, we always had our
Beds, even if monsters threatened to steal
Us from our lives, we'd hide under blankets.
The greatest moments ever have now escaped.
What are we supposed to do, adulthood is
A neverending nightmare that refuses to
Let up on its smothering hold.
Our mothers are no longer able to remind us
That they'll always come back, the
Mornings aren't innocent and
That hill was torn to pieces.
The monsters aren't afraid of blankets anymore,
They actually walk among us.
I don't know how to end this one.
Jul 2013 · 436
Untitled
Tessa Marie Jul 2013
What do you do when the body
Lying next to you has become just that?
This body was once the future that erased
The past and made the present so real.
He was your home that you never had,
Complete with a beautiful garden
And the white picket fence.
What happens when that all melts away
Into a black ball of nothingness?
You worked so hard making sure that this
World was so perfectly manicured,
But you were just painting over old paint.
What do you do when you have lost everything
That made you normal?
This is all I ever wanted, needed.
And tonight I woke up not able to breath
Because all of a sudden, my beautiful home
Has become just an empty box filled with
Memories.
Sorry about all of the poems tonight. I have so much on my mind.
Jul 2013 · 467
The Peak
Tessa Marie Jul 2013
Tonight my eyes are glued to the target
On the wall. How can I hold it all in?
Every word. Every action. Every tear.
My knuckles are jumpy, my stomach swirls,
And my skin is ice.
The peak. My anger has found the perfect time to
Reveal itself. Now my body is shaking
Because all of my warmth has
Escaped, I'm violently freezing in Hell.
My body is bleeding, along with my vision.
Red stains everything. Black holes appear.
Tiny star specks dance across my eyes, and
Then I'm gone. I'm not me, my anger has
Finally taken over. It wins tonight.
When I come to my entire body aches.
This is what it's like to see only red, everything goes black.
Jul 2013 · 726
Sew Up Your Secrets
Tessa Marie Jul 2013
You take your secrets,
Fold them up and place them
Deep inside my stomach.
When you close me up,
I feel them bashing against
My inside walls.
They want to be read.
You tell me they're nothing
And your secrets don't like that
One bit.
They want to be known
So badly that they are beating me
Down.
I hear them whisper,
I feel them poisoning my blood.
You don't even notice
When they stop my heart.
Your secrets want to feast upon
My organs and use my mind
As a napkin.
They want to shield me from your touch
And hide all of the sunshine.
Because the way they see it,
If they can't have you
Nobody can.
You have locked them away
But they have just found a key
And that key is a knife to my gut.
They yell now,
They scream and shout.
I can't hear anything else.
I hate you for choosing me
To hide them within,
You should have at least let them
Be read.
Jul 2013 · 767
The Last Cigarette
Tessa Marie Jul 2013
My lips curl around my last cigarette.
I allow the smoke to mix with the air
And fill my lungs.
I exhale the poison

And pass the tobacco ridden stick
To my only friend.
I watch as she does the same,
With clouded eyes submerged in sadness.

She stares straight into my soul and
Whispers, We're in this together.
Little does she know, I loath spending this time
With her. I hate sharing my last cigarette

With someone I can't stand.
I turn my head, avoiding any
Need to say a word,
And as she passes the cigarette,

I shift my gaze back onto her face,
And notice that I'm staring into the mirror.
Jul 2013 · 404
The Lies & The Truth
Tessa Marie Jul 2013
What is it like to breathe in lies
As if they were the very
Oxygen that keeps your
Heart pumping,
Blood moving,
And choke on truth,
As if it were a piece of the chicken
You ate last night,
That became lodged in your throat,
Reddened your face,
And caused you to think that
Your life was over?
Jul 2013 · 348
Writing With My Sister
Tessa Marie Jul 2013
See Jane have fun.
See Jane have fun while she takes a run.
See Jane have fun while she takes a run in the sun.

See Jane fall down.
See Jane's spirit drown.
See Jane fall down, drown while secrets ascend from the ground.
Jane is a wreck.
Jul 2013 · 1.1k
A Hot Summer Day
Tessa Marie Jul 2013
At some point you have to
Wake up
In the morning and
Decide if you're going to
Love the person
Lying next to you.*

Those words
Pour over my head
Like a pitcher of ice cold water
On a melting summer's day.
Jul 2013 · 693
The Number 183
Tessa Marie Jul 2013

That number can burn a woman
To the ground.
It's like that child that won't stop
Screaming for her mother.
It gets louder and louder,
Screaming,
Reminding,  
Soon the woman can't look herself in
The mirror.
Because she'll see it in her face,
It'll yell in her ear,
You're hideous!
When she walks down the streets,
183 will wrap it's hands around her
Legs and shake violently,
So her body looks like a walking
Earthquake.
It'll puff out her stomach and arms,
She'll have to cover up
In big shirts and jackets.
It'll draw little lines
All over her,
Until she resembles a road map.
183 is an evil number,
It takes away her self esteem,
Breaks her love for herself
And locks away
Her reflection.
Jul 2013 · 1.4k
The Orange Traffic Cone
Tessa Marie Jul 2013
The orange traffic cone
Held it's breathe
As the blue Suburban curved
An inch too close.

It watched as the cone to the left
Met slightly with the bumper,
Knocked to the side,
And with a thud, fell to it's death.

The orange traffic cone
Let a single tear slide down it's plastic side,
In memory of it's
Silent friend.
I don't know how I feel about this one. Any suggestions to make it any better?
Jul 2013 · 524
The Moon
Tessa Marie Jul 2013
The moon,
The unchanging force
That has always lit up the
Silent night
Turned his back,
Scowled and
Flipped the switch tonight
"The world is sick,"
He cried.
The moon has watched
The green turn brown,
The air become toxic,
The insides drained from
Beneath the crust.
His love,
His one and only,
Has become weak,
And we've poisoned her.
The moon no longer
Can watch her die
And help her tormentors.
Tonight, he lost his light,
When she said
*"Goodnight."
Jul 2013 · 627
Euphoria
Tessa Marie Jul 2013
I felt it today.
It pulled the corners of my mouth,
And released me from the
Pouring rain.
It took my hands,
Made the sun shine
A little brighter
And promised to
Let things
Stay this
Way for
Just a
Moment
Longer.
Jul 2013 · 399
i reached out to you today
Tessa Marie Jul 2013
i reached out to you today
tried to hand you the rope
that would save our love
from drowning in
our tears
you made me believe
that you grabbed the rope
and you were ready to
reach dry land
instead you pulled me into the water
and watched me drown
like a sick little puppy
i still called for you
but you just laughed and turned away
now our future is lifeless
and so am i
youre now walking free
on my old foot prints in the sand
and i hope with every step
you remember tonight
and hold your breath
i hope you stare into the salty water
praying to be greeted with my smile
but only to meet your true reflection
tonight my exboyfriend chose a sickening high over fixing us after i opened up to him and expected change.
the lack of punctuation and capitals represents laziness and loss of hope.
Jul 2013 · 629
The Drink
Tessa Marie Jul 2013
It calls me
It's *****.
The sweet, but
Oh so bitter
Taste.
*****.
My first love,
Can't haunt me
Anymore than my current love.
My parents can't
Abandon
Me any more than
I have
Abandoned myself.
***** makes it
All so much more
Bittersweet.
A grown woman,
Mildly intoxicated
Feels so much more than
My childhood ghost.
Remember
Innocence,
The very innocence that
Never existed.
Hold onto your bottle
Drink up, sweetie.
Drink up the very drink
That destroyed your
Family.
The magical drink,
The one that calls to you
Late at night.
It hears your cries,
More than any other
Person in your life.
Now you understand
Why Mamma loved it
More than you.
It currently has it's claws around my neck. I'm sorry if this really isn't that great of a poem.
Jun 2013 · 442
Murderer
Tessa Marie Jun 2013
My back twitches and
Pain shoots down my spine.
It's strange,
How words can become
A dangerous knife.
An action isn't
Necessary,
Only intent.
My blood on your hands,
Merely water in your
Eyes.
Sisters we whispered,
Murderer you became.
Remember me
In your dreams,
Remember my words,
The ones that bandaged
Your cuts,
And remember your words,
The ones that slit my wrists,
Punctured my back,
And watched me choke
On my own
False sense of security.
Jun 2013 · 1.2k
Clay
Tessa Marie Jun 2013
A woman
Who has been turned into clay,
Eventually dries
And becomes hard, cold and
She won't be molded
Any longer.
Don't throw her
Out the window because
She refuses to take
The shape you
Wish she were.
Decorate her with the
Colors of faithfulness,
Love and acceptance.
She will continue to be
Unmoldable,
But she will take an all new
Shape,
One she is proud of,
And her warmth will
Glow through out the night.
Jun 2013 · 536
Time
Tessa Marie Jun 2013
I always want what I
Can't have.
If your time were
A drug,
It'd be ****** and
I'd be the most
Desperate ****** of them all.
I want the watch
That sits on your wrist
To tick along with
Mine.
Every time that
Long hand moves,
I want to feel it's
Fingers dance along my
Skin, as if it is
Searching for water and
I am the cactus.  
You just have to break me
Open.
Jun 2013 · 382
The Air Around Me
Tessa Marie Jun 2013
The air around me
Is so heavy.
It's tied a cement block
To my jaw.
The air is so hot,
That it's melting
The skin right off of my
Face.
I want to go play
In the cool rain.
Perhaps it will
Lighten my bones.
Perhaps it will
Cut the rope.
The air around me
Is so thick,
It feels like fluff
Suffocating my lungs.
The air is so constricting,
Squeezing my head,
Causing pain to shoot through me.
I want to go play
In the cool rain.
Perhaps it will
Flood out the fluff,
Perhaps it will
Release the claws
That threaten to
Pop my eyes ***** right out of my
Head.
Jun 2013 · 531
Self Portrait
Tessa Marie Jun 2013
My body shakes with
"Oh no,"
"What if," and
"Just breathe."
But no, my whispers
Refuse to render me calm.
My heart,
It beats a million beats per
Second.
My hands,
They refuse to be still,
Even just for a moment.
My mind,
It spits
A thousand
Hurtful sentences, faster
Than I can try to register.
Words aren't stone,
But my own words,
Are enough to
Chisel my
Soul.
Feelings should
Evaporate,
But mine are
Drowning me.
What I would do
To relax,
To take a deep breath.
This is
NEVERENDING.
Jun 2013 · 521
Chaos
Tessa Marie Jun 2013
I am quickly losing
Faith in the world.
It's screaming demands
Deafen me.
Louder and louder
Until my eardrums
Explode!
I'm useless
When it comes to
Calming
Everything around me.
Even my own
Beating heart
Is yelling, crying,
For me to just
Silence
The surrounding walls.
I don't know any
Lullabies,
I don't even know how
To squeeze the
Trigger.
My sobbing soul
Wants nothing more that
To relax eternally.
Jun 2013 · 658
Untitled
Tessa Marie Jun 2013
The sky falls at such a fast rate.
The ground crumbles beneath the weight.
We can't go
       p
     u
We can't go
     d
       o
         w
            n.
Our feet cringe
With anxiety.
Where to go,
We'll surely never know.
Jun 2013 · 342
Small Box
Tessa Marie Jun 2013
If you live life
In a small box,
Make sure you cut holes
To let the sunlight stream
Into you, because
A box without sunlight
Will make you pale and weak,
A box without sunlight
Will make you so sick
You can't even breathe.
A box without sunlight
Will drive you mad.

— The End —