abuse me
make me right
forget about our still, our soft whispers
in this sleeping blackness
let me kiss you

I loved you first,
I loved you first...

but the beat of that (pretty little)
heart just wouldn't stop you
from leaving (letting me go)

refracting our
smiles; smiles; smiles;
into light
which our
eyes; eyes; eyes;
use to see.
reckless and ignorant
hopeless and childish
innocent and helpless
she was,
before these years came to
swallow; swallow;
time bites at her legs
her arms
her ears.
pulling skin loose,
white freckled flesh
creased and folded
thin and old
hanging from weakening bones.
clothes long out of style
floral prints
and granny knits
what she does today
won't affect yesterday
or her disheartened life
for it has been
lived; lived; lived;
her finishing days
that will tie her together
are yet to come,
but soon,
petaled decease will come knocking her down
for it shall manifest beside her window,
and someday soon,she won't wake up.
--she'll be too tired, is what you'll tell your daughter.

From here to the river Out into the marsh Rain falling hard, bruising mud's fragile flesh Grasses enclosing its core Each sway of wind holding, holding this land together Together, memories And a threaded symphony of regrets Blinding, the sun can be--Out there in the marsh Up there in the sky The sky of blue, of specked whites Mirroring eyes, Eyes of soft white

all in a trance--sweet fragrance, France
where we first met; predictable--love in Paris
backdrops of blushed pinks, blushed gold
fancy silver smiles
french slurs--painted across the city
and lights
pretty iron tangled street lights
a city, a romance.

teased and ill-conceived
her brother's father
only came on those days
where the sun sank low,
and there would be this orange,
a peach-cream color
that would decorate the sky
she knew her brother
had only eight days left
in this tattered afternoon of blue.
for the teas they used to drink,
would no longer be brewed
no longer tasted
no longer filling them with warmth
while his fragile body slept in gentle sighs
beneath thin blankets of cloth
she lay her hand upon her brother's cheek
his fevered flesh burning her fingers
she'd close her eyes
and lay beside him,
tenderly. oh so gently,
she'd slip her hand into his
and she'd lay her head atop the lumpy pillow

and what she'd do next is,
she'd fall asleep beside him.

anger tightens, and swells
thickening, coating the walls of her
heart
for she can't see anymore
in this darkened state of reveal;
feeling sorry for herself,
and feeling unaccomplished,
but, doesn't she feel that everyday?
so what could she be talking about.
only this pale memory of you,
will keep her,
keep her in the hands of warmth,
care smoothed beneath her.
---that is all she has to say.

these little eyes
oh, oh, they close
--feathers, they wrap, warp her like paper wraps her heart
in the smile in which he lets
will blossom, like they did when her hands
the way her hands
fell to your back

relief;
tying her
---together,
her heart,
wrapped in white,
and
---in
blue,
maybe a little pink.
deciphering the truth
through all these strings,
half-knotted, half-tearing
and half still thick with light.
and
---glowing
happiness,
---desire
radiating through her
letting the world know
where her life will go in ten years
or maybe fifteen.
these two,
these very few
can touch
---and
feel
and let themselves care
oh, they do, they do.
lights decorating their eyes
their clothes loose and ill-fitting.
she doesn’t mind;
he doesn’t mind.
lungs swimming within her
and letting out sighs,
sighs of
---hidden
relief
buttery love
and creamy
---forgiveness
chloroform their
necks

relief;
tying her
        together,
her heart,
wrapped in white,
and
        in
blue,
maybe a little pink.
deciphering the truth
through all these strings,
half-knotted, half-tearing
and half still thick with light.
and
        glowing
happiness,
        desire
radiating through her
letting the world know
where her life will go in ten years
or maybe fifteen.
these two,
these very few
can touch
        and
feel
and let themselves care
oh, they do, they do.
lights decorating their eyes
their clothes loose and ill-fitting.
she doesn’t mind;
he doesn’t mind.
lungs swimming within her
and letting out sighs,
sighs of
        hidden
relief
buttery love
and creamy
        forgiveness
chloroform their
necks

he shakes; he’s shaking; why are you shaking?

you’re scaring me.
Please, control yourself.

his arms are flailing, his eyes are blank.
he’s  about to collapse… Watch out for that pole!
he shudders; he’s shuddering; calm down.  
it’s quick, fast-moving.

his sharp movements cool into a warm silence.
no more flailing arms.
and he has me hold him.
he’s  not moving,
his    heart is beating through his ears, pulsing.

and I have my arms around him now.
he shivers. then falls asleep.