Daddy says
it's a sin
to see you

Fay tells me
as we meet
by Jail Park

she dressed in
a white skirt
and pink top

why is that?
I ask her
because you're

not Catholic
Daddy says
just seeing

me you mean
is a sin?
I ask her

or does he
mean meeting
me some place?

I don't know
she replies
he just said

seeing you
we went in
the park gates

and walk pass
the rose beds
the roses

coming out
in colours
of yellow

orange
and bright red
I thought sin

had to have
a wilful
element

I tell her
a deed done
knowingly

and with an
act of will
where did you

read all that?
she asks me
that pamphlet

you lent me
last Easter
I tell her

doesn't say
seeing me
was a sin

in the long
list of sins
I read there

we go in
sit on swings
and push off

with our feet
and ride high
so Daddy's

got it wrong?
she asks me
as she swings

past me high
yes he has
I reply

but don't tell
about that
she swings up

much higher
than I do
her white skirt

billows up
in the wind
I rise up

on the swing
pretending
my Spitfire's

blowing up
**** planes
in the sky

overhead
da-da-da
my pretend

machine gun
is sounding
in the air

Fay's skirt lifts
as she rides
showing off

underwear
but being
a good non

Catholic
kind of boy
I don't stare.

Abigail Abthing drew breath like water,
Breathed in the cold frost of morning.
Abigail knew pain like an old friend,

Knew its bite that gnawed her bones.
Always trust. Never leave it to others,
She’d say, gripping her hands together,

Biting her lips, closing her eyes.
Abigail knew cancer; knew its false promise.
Trust to none, but He who loves,

She said, feeling the burning
In her heart and head.
Abigail knew time was near,

Knew the knocking at the door
Was death; drew her last breath
Like a long forgotten word.

Elaine dreamed of herself
and the boy John.

Elaine dreamed
she was in a field
of long grass
with a cornflower
blue sky and white
cotton wool clouds.

The Elaine in her dream
was lying on her back;
her hands across her stomach,
eyes on John at her side.

He was talking of butterflies
or birds or bird's eggs.

She wasn't listening;
she was studying the sky,
and cloud movement,
feeling shy.

She turned in her sleep;
pulled the pillow
close to her face.

The John in the dream
put his hand up
inside her skirt;
he said he was looking
for her butterfly;
the Elaine in her dream
said nothing;
the Elaine smiled.

The hand became fingers
or a finger and entered her.

She turned over in her sleep
and lay on her back.

She sensed him there
a feeling of opening up
and needing to ***.

Alarmed she awoke;
the moon was in
the corner of her window
giving out a bright glow.

Why didn't the Elaine
in her dream
say something
not just lay there
she wanted to know.

Give these bacon rinds
to the dog
Auntie said

so I took the bacon rinds
from her hand
and took them out

on the black iron balcony
and holding one
of the bacon rinds up

over the reclining dog
I said
sit Dancer

and he sat up
eyeing the bacon rind
with his head tilted

to a degree
gently now
he took the bacon rind

gently between his teeth
and I let go my end
and he tossed it up

and caught it
in his mouth
and before he'd

swallowed it
he was sitting there again
with head tilted

looking at me
as I raised
another bacon rind up

and said
gentler Dancer
and he gently took

the bacon rind
between his teeth
and removed it

with the grace of a butterfly
then tossed it again
and swallowed it  

then sat again
and I held up
another bacon rind

and then put it
between my own
four year old teeth

and said
out of the corner
of my mouth

gently Gancer
and Dancer looked at me
and at the task ahead

and taking the bacon rind
between his teeth
he ever so gently

tugged at it
but I held onto my end
and there we were

each holding
the bacon rind
like two opposing dogs

he eyed me
and I eyed him
then I let go

and he tossed it up
and swallowed it
eyeing me

for the last piece of rind
I held it between
my small fingers

then tossed it
over the two storey balcony
to the ground beneath us

go get it Dancer
I said
and he raced off

down the black metal stairs
to fetch the last rind
did you give the dog

the bacon rind Benedict?
Auntie asked from inside
the apartment

yes Auntie I did
I said
in the gentlest voice

I could employ
good Benedict
good boy.

Enid told me
about the chair.
Just an ordinary
chair; wooden chair

with open spaces
at the back. Made
marks on her back
where he'd made her

sit so long and where
she leaned back. So
what did your old man
keep you in the chair

for so long for? I asked
as we stood by the metal
green painted fence
surrounding the grass

outside Banks House.
Cross examination,
she said, looking away
from me, her eyes behind

her thick lens glasses
gazing at the fresh fish
shop across the road.
What was he cross

examining you about?
Someone took money
from the money teapot:
15/- it was, so he said.

And he thought you
took it? She nodded
her head. Wasn't me,
I never took it. Who

did? No idea; my big
brother maybe, he
needs it, not me. I
looked at her standing

beside me by the fence,
our feet on the space
of pavement. Did he
hurt you? She bit her

lower lip. He kept me
in the chair. He said
he was keeping me in
the chair until I owned up.

And did you? I didn't take
the money. I thought he'd
give up once he realized
I never took the money

and let me go, but he
didn't, he walked around
me, hands behind his back,
asking me questions. And

where was your mother in
all this? She sat on the sofa
chewing on her handkerchief
saying: tell him the truth

Enid, tell him the truth.
Enid sat by the fence,
hands each side of her.  
So what happened? I asked,

looking for signs of bruises
and such. He walked round
me and said: I'm not letting
you go until you tell the truth.

I said I didn't take the money.
He clouted me about the head
after ten minutes. You'll not
get off this time, he said.

My head spun. My mum
left the room. He told her
go get some tea on. I looked
at him, but only as he passed

in front of me, not all the
way round so sometimes he  
was out of sight and I didn't
know what he was going to

do next. He hurt you after that?
I asked. He dragged me off
the chair and sat down himself
and gripped my wrist tight.

He made me stand there for
ages, him griping my wrist,
talking, talking. My legs ached.
Wanted to sit on the chair. She

was silent; looked at the fresh
fish shop. Then he dragged me
over, and hit me until I said
I had the money. And did you?

I asked. I knew she had.
The face told me. The eyes
behind her thick lens glasses
told me. She nodded, looked

away. A horse drawn coal
wagon went by along
Rockingham Street, the coal
man sitting on the sack cloth

seat dour faced. How about
some chips from Neptune's?
I said, looking at her, at her
grey faded flower dress and

the dull green cardigan, her
hair pinned back by two metal  
hair grips at the side. I didn't
have it, didn't have the money,

she said, just said it because
of him hurting me. I know,
I said, don't talk of it again.
She nodded and we walked

up Meadow Row, in the slow
beginning coming down rain.

The bruise
on Ingrid's thigh
was green and blue
and yellow

and about
two inches
in diameter
like some artist

had dabbed it there
to mix his or her
colours before
beginning a work of art

and I only saw it
as she reached up
to catch a ball
I threw in our ball game

on the grass
by Banks House
and it showed up
as her grey skirt rose

what's the bruise?
I asked
she stood pulling
her skirt down

with one hand
and holding the ball
with the other
I fell over

she said
going shy and red
don't lie Ingrid
you know and I know

who did it
he's always doing it
I said
she looked past me

at the windows
of the flats behind us
and upwards to others
higher up

I fell
she said
on the stairs running
from whom?

she threw the ball up
in the air
no one
she lied

I caught the ball
and stood holding it
in both my hands
you can't lie

as good as I can
I said
she sat down
on the grass

and I sat next to her
putting the ball
beside us
your old man right?

she nodded
and put her hands
on the grass
each side of her

I made him angry
talked too much
she said
looking at her shoes

and the white socks
he's a pig head
I said
he's my dad

she said
he gets angry
and hits you
and bruises you

and it's not
the first time either
I said
don't tell anyone

or it'll make it worse
she said
looking at me
with her eyes

behind her glasses
I won't tell no one
but he's still
a pig head

and if I get him
in the sights
of my six shooter cap gun
I'll blow a hole

in his thick fat thigh
she looked at me
not knowing whether
to laugh or cry.

What's arsenic?
Lydia asked

she broke the word down
into two components
making it sound  
a bit rude

it's a poison I think
I said

POISON?
she said loudly

we were walking up
Meadow Row
it was Saturday morning
and we were
on our way
to Saturday matinee

why?
I asked
looking at her sideways
taking in her lank hair
and thin frame

my mum said this morning
that she'd put arsenic
in my dad's tea
and poison can **** you
can't it?

can do yes
I said

and where does
she get it from?
Lydia asked

don't know
chemist I expect
it's a sort of chemical thing
I said

what if she gets me
to buy it
will I be arrested
for helping Mum
poison Dad?
will I hang
if I'm found guilty?
she said in desperation

we crossed the bomb site
off Meadow Row
over rough bricks
and rubble

I think she was kidding
just saying it
I said

she sounded serious to me
Lydia said

why'd she say it?
I asked

my dad came home
drunk again last night
singing at the top
of his voice
in the Square
I'll walk you home
again Kathleen
and  Mum was none
too pleased

I see
I said
looking at her
as we walked
the faded flower dress
she wore had seen
better days
and the cardigan
of off white
had only two buttons
I don't think
you can buy
arsenic that easy
these days
and they wouldn't sell it
to a nine year old girl
I said

they wouldn't?
she said

no not these days

but what if Mum buys it
and kills my dad?

she won't
she loves your old man
too much
I said

I don't think she does
Lydia said
not this morning any way

we walked across
the crossing and along
the New Kent Road

if she does
I said
and your old lady hangs
then I'm sure
my mum will adopt you
as my sister

Lydia looked at me seriously
I don't want
to be your sister
she said
I want to marry you
when we're older
and I can't marry
my brother can I?  

I looked ahead
as we approached
the ABC cinema
I guess not
I said

the thought hadn't entered  
my little boy's head.