Moving through the transitions of life
Oh, show me how to navigate

The shadow of my former self
fades faster with every move

She's run away,
she hides,
she won't come back.

Stay, stay, please stay.

If you go, along with you
travels the hope
of the return of me

She will be lost forever
Please, if you must leave,



don't forget me.

simple tasks are hard to accomplish
when you hold a crippling lack of confidence
unless you're described as pompous,
there will be a question of your competence
I'm longing for a healthy balance
reveal the mean of humility and vanity
ridding dependence of a gallant
no answer in isolation from humanity
decisions made out of insecurity
often leads to regret
brinking abandon of reliant maturity
ideal me, only a silhouette
paralyzing doubt
let me out, let me out

fluctuation; climbing high, sinking low
natural rhythm, no need to fret
to and fro, ebb and flow

neglecting to rise, like unyeasted dough
soaring on contrails, altitude of a jet
fluctuation; climbing high, sinking low

deep affection, closer we grow
relationship roulette
to and fro, ebb and flow

distraught, distracted, distanced even though
overwhelming love, won't soon forget
fluctuation; climbing high, sinking low

unshakeable strength, despite a blow
hesitant paralytic, one sure regret
to and fro, ebb and flow

So, let His mercy flow
graciously affectionate, result: love, no threat
fluctuation; climbing high, sinking low
to and fro, ebb and flow

Daddy's home: closed door, closed heart
leave no traces, no messes, be smart
atmosphere turned stiff, discontinued peace
learning is over, mistakes and laughter must cease
unacceptable failure, of knowledge impart

garage door sounds, to my refuge I dart
hiding and losing myself in my art
incomplete sentiment, paternal caprice
Daddy's home: closed door, closed heart

referring to the start
not always better apart
wrinkled fabric of our bond starts to crease
irreversibly rumpled, turning elsewhere for release
ugly routine, inherited in part
Daddy's home: closed door, closed heart

caged, trapped, whimper in defeat
submitting to her perceived superior
insecurity, her attribute - firm and austere
previous pang builds walls of concrete
lies she believes, deception so sweet
each hour, deteriorates her interior
truth - she cannot grasp it - ulterior
her fists bleed, the steel cell she beats
dangling in reach, the key, the key!
your wrists no longer in a bind
understand now, the cage is in your mind
strive forward, no need to plea
Love propels you from behind
fly, girl, you are free

bitterness, resentment, and envy
looked upon with disdain unmatched
crippling lack of confidence,
plagued with a jaundiced eye
security gone
incompetent
feelings now
haunt me
help

you hold my heart
and then listen as I pour it out
you erase my doubt
feel close, when we're apart
you counsel me well
offer when you see a need
and you know how I bleed
gentle direction, no need to yell
whispers of adoration
your fingers caress the line
of torment before your life touched mine
multi-faceted vocation,
dodecahedron love,
sent to me from above

Why can't I tattoo
"I'm sorry"
on my forehead

some moments can only be described as
"aha" paired with a deep sigh of relief
or
"hmph" followed by a whimper of distress

precious memories of time that
can only seem to be reciprocated
with a guttural noise

"mmmmm" as she falls into
the arms of another who loves her

"aaeehhhhh" as ice water
satisfies thirst by the noon July sun

moans in childbirth,
yelps of fear,
grunts of rage,
whines between tears

swoosh as the end draws near

words run
they leave
just like everyone else
and yet,
I ponder
with words:
wordless beauty

crawling centipedes
spiders scurry silently
basement bug barrage

silverfish slithering so,
reverting fearfully back

awful arthropods
disgusting diplopoda
infamous insects

holes in the ground, walls and floor
inhumane habitation

pesky perspective
look at things my way, big sir
seek shadowed shelters

horrifying is my name
scaring people is my game

big shoes, enemy!
fear me? unreasonable
boneless body crushed

ironic scare, you not me
exoskeleton demise

now you see me, now you don't
until next time my good friend

falling on the window pane
the sound of rain
questioning quelle of bane
a self-inflicted chain
mutilation deign
take away the pain
arm slain
blood stain
habit wane
I abstain
love attain
confidence campaign
looks of disdain
free from your reign
I'm not insane
treat me humane
pulsing vain
life mundane
help me obtain,
regain,
remain...

love.

things. things. things. stuff. things. junk.
never settled, nothing ever satisfies
one more item in the cart, "kerplunk!"
material things will fill you up -- lies.
find yourself always wanting more.
bloat your house with toxic excess
greedy lifestyle, He does abhor
Who are you trying to impress?
the problem lies not in quantity
it's where you're finding security
if you lack hope of real quality,
look to the One of everlasting surety
tangible guarantee will never compare
to the Lord of earth and water and air

a nobody, I want to be
unnoticed, hiding ghost
acknowledged, at most
back row degree

forgotten appointee
internally engrossed
a nobody, I want to be
unnoticed, hiding ghost

not even t. leigh
always guest, never host
hesitant, whispered boast
passed by, my plea
a nobody, I want to be

You were supposed to take it all away.
You were supposed to make me forget
You were supposed to provide me a release
You were supposed to signal help
You were supposed to control the chaos
You were supposed to be there for me
You were supposed to distract me
You were supposed to help
You were supposed to make me feel alive
You were supposed to match my outside to my inside
You were supposed to make me feel better
You were supposed to

but all you are is an anesthetic turned to poison.

lost cause.
too much to handle.
unworthy, gross.
psychotic.
scaring even me.
unclean.
falling short.
unaccepted.
lacking.
lots of thigh.
no guy, no guy.
*****.
deserving of this

abuse, abuse, abuse.

The rain has finally ceased, leaving none untouched and dry.
Your eyes fall upon a flower, so still, so innocent.
Crooked and bent from the undying wind,
you, its savior from its relentless master.
Plucking it from its roots, you caress the twisted stem.
Uneven is the surface, thanks to its defense of prickly thorns.
Following the shape, winding like a staircase, your fingers make their way to the top.
O, rose, show me an ounce of your majesty!
The aroma captivates your senses.
All hairs stand on end.
So delicate are the petals - spinning, twirling, all t'wards el centro.
How gentle her creator must be!
Weighed down by drops of dew, the petals droop lower.
Even so, each radiates brilliance beyond compare.
In closer you look, so curious and caring.
In it you find no scientific discovery, yet such an incomparable treasure.
In your hands, you hold enlightenment.
As this rose was trampled on the ground,
so are you reminded of One, who did the same for you.

searching for satisfaction
try again, wrong
dead-end prescription
lost cause lover
dark world, a lasting hope
mutually exclusive

terrestrial is trivial, divine dominates

I strive to
live light,
roam the earth, delicate tread
unclenched fists
rid of superfluous
stranger here
no sense in
nesting in permanence

terrestrial is trivial, divine dominates

Out of place,
understanding
home is elsewhere
not  here, not here
found the answer
1:5, be the light

terrestrial is trivial, divine dominates

i want to stop by
i want to laugh
cry
help me
listen to her
good things
bad things
God things
craft things together
eat together
work together
HW together
drive together
memories
pictures
TEXTS
calls
love
love
love

the same.

artist Achilles
a walking contradiction
necessarily somber

exceptional work
none can compare; high a price
melancholy makes art best

wrapped in your embrace, fears erase
sole act of vicarious kindness
naught benevolence, sincere face
from you: security, guidance

uneasy apprehension, stilled
acceptance of endless madness
fatherly void, pleasantly filled
from you: security, guidance

nostalgic'ly nestled; hidden,
serene poise, sharing my sadness
dismal submission: forbidden  
from you: security, guidance

wrapped in your embrace, fears erase
from you: security, guidance

moseying or marching; I'll make it through
even if I have to do it without you
tarry temporary; watch me, I'll fly
trying 'til I'm dying; I'll touch the sky
looking past the dark and up ahead
etched & wounded; woven scarlet thread

unconventional, to say the least
on Sunday, love your neighbor
peek out her drawn shades, secret belabor
not in nature, nurture's the blamed beast
preference, peculiar;
she's stuck in her ways.
cover stories will guide her days
both victim and defendant, scared for the future
together, we're stronger,
and petty we fall.
to love my black soul, but her skin appall
bizarre assumptions grow longer
to feel, to know, to look beyond
eccentricism; How will you respond?

chaos dances dizzily within her head
grand plié, her countenance dips
spotting her lover, pursed lips
gracefully swirls 'cross the way, smile filled with dread

maintaining composure, her sentiment bled
eyes that hide a story, emoting only through her hips
chaos dances dizzily within her head
grand plié, her countenance dips

spotting her pirouettes, instead of tears shed
her mind wanders and reality slips
bold persona assumes her person, off the scripts
quasi-confident, the stage she tread
chaos dances dizzily within her head

gnarled like teeth, twisted IV and  
no thought common sensical, but
skewed thoughts burning calories
hospitals, helping hands
ignorant to this:
emotional,
physical,
I am
sick.

Oh, to know what You know.
to see the grand blueprint of the intricate design of

my life, my life.
The mirrors are fogged.
Roll down your sleeve
smear away the gray

I dream of the moment,
long-awaited and so, so sweet
to trace the angles of your face with my hand
to carelessly fall into your embrace

Momma always said to
find the corner pieces first
but I just fudge the pieces to fit
I dizzy myself with my own desires

Be unto me the cornerpiece, --  the foundation of my life

Nearsighted and naive
Lord, give me eyes to see
interim apathy will serve
a deeper purpose

Rest, my thoughts
Ease, my mind
You are fully known.

cold, in the ground
memories lost,
morning frost.
groggy sound
intriguing resound.
familial contact tossed
layaway, high the cost
no fireplace recounts abound
one of five
inexplicable tragedy
attempt at Gatsby
his history contrive,
implore, answers fragile
the handful uncovered - ghastly

Please, Mrs. front row goer,
You needn't explain yourself to me
good deeds don't replace the creed,
and excuses fall dead on my ears

mother of a mother
needed or needing to be needed?
RSV, stay away, OK, but
recognized servitude?

unempathetic to your need
for validated humility,
leaving the listener unsettled
sit and be sermonized

There's a way to be good again
Look to the rugged cross,
the empty tomb,
our Risen King

temptation rages
a habit of youth
trapped in my mind's cages
grasping for truth
now I know better
desperate for release
find comfort in my sweater
fight to be grounded in peace
war within my own mind
you turned things around
with love and hugs entwined,
my walls, I let you break down
One day, I hope that it will be
just one of those things that made me who I ought to be -- free.

breathe in, the fog begins to lift
deceit precedes despair
lungs, a stranger to fresh air
fear creates many a rift
through the haze, does she sift
her load hard to bear
heart rejecting amour and care
perspective is a gift
follow the bread crumb trail
and you will arrive face to face
with the Father of lies
one by one, his intent to derail
so sweet the deceit, difficult to erase
On guard! or yours will be the hands in ties

sensitive, internally torn
wrist, red and worn
delicate heart,
temptations start

beautiful blade, rescue me please
slicing with ease
purposeful heed
one thing I need

staged compassion, patience worn thin
imposed chagrin
desperate cries
sigh, blood red eyes

foundation of sand
all or nothing, bet on him
hopes high; reality hits

cynical abstain
grasp hope in power of Him
whose dominion reigns o'er all

the road I walk,
I do not wish
to tread the rock
and rubble alone
companion, I pray
unhappily dependent

viewed resplendent
heard, small talk
subjected prey
boredom's side dish
lovely to have known
heart under lock

I ask, I knock
hope transcendent
drained of begging, weak groan
voice, dry chalk
squirm like a fish
counterpart delay

hold me as we sway,
embrace rewinds the clock
wooden panel, veil swish
secondly ascendant
refusal to balk
lifeline thrown

stoic face of stone
temperament at bay
creating small flock
promise, not a hock
slipping independent
dreams, strength squish

life in a whish
favor over crone
emotive attendant
vulnerable, I lay
life smock
eternal ****

firm the dock
lifetime pock
everlasting gray

Ballerinas are robust.
Are your toes calloused?
Do you dance?

dear dumb deer,
gentle though I am
I wish the worst for you

When you jolted my car,
you set fire to a flame that
even Smokey can't contain

Like a stone cast in water,
your effects reverberated
loud through my house

your innocence
your ignorance
caused me many tears

cosmetic costs the least of my cares
You hit me way worse
echoes of him curse, curse, curse.

swirling steam, meets the morning breeze
bubbling water encompasses the bag with ease
aroma of cinnamon fills me with savory grace
resting precious china on doily of lace
tepid tea, wintry soul appease

warm caress in a cup guarantees
moments of harmony battles bleak disease
warm trickle down, likening embrace
swirling steam, meets the morning breeze

dreaming of life overseas
imagine now, the possibilities
believing in an impactful trace
young and learning, necessary space
muddled thoughts over early tea
swirling steam, meets the morning breeze

Is there a place for everyone here,
in a world so spacious, so vast?
Lies are told. Rumors spread. People sneer.
Must her future be determined by her past?
She questions her existence.
Desperately, she searches for someone to trust.
She falls to her knees, and prays with might.
No more does she want to look at her reflection with disgust.
Troubles left and right, and her head is spinning.
Emotions fill her, overwhelming her being.
Can anyone relieve her from all her sinning?
There's got to be a light, she's just not seeing.
You see, even though she feels like she's dwindling,
there's a flame of hope who the Man up above is kindling.

twiddle, nitpick, hyper aware
look around, distracting sound
simmer down, hair twirls around
finger fidget, anxious stomach

look around, distracting sound
concentration, familiar loss
finger fidget, anxious stomach
quick to pass on own comfort

concentration, familiar loss
staring, story supposition
quick to pass on own comfort
skip the line, go hungry

staring, story supposition
crowds, cliques, an anxious tick
skip the line, go hungry
unacceptable alibi

crowds, cliques, an anxious tick
butterfly squirms, I choke on it
unacceptable alibi
crazy claim, you're insane

butterfly squirms, I choke on it
hate, hate, hate; I choose to quit
crazy claim, you're insane
help me function normally

hate, hate, hate; I choose to quit
perseverance; out, not in
help me function normally
love me unconditionally

perseverance; out, not in
something's wrong, help me mom
love me unconditionally
twiddle, nitpick, hyper aware

sleepy-eyed, but wide awake
thoughts come, thoughts go
insufficient rejuvenate
drift and doze on sheets of gold

thoughts come, thoughts go
lucid dreams escape
drift and doze on sheets of gold
jot before it slips away

lucid dreams escape
glorious in-between
jot before it slips away
revelation unforeseen

glorious in-between
drowsy genius intellect
revelation unforeseen
grab it, quick to vanish

drowsy genius intellect
plainly superior prose
grab it, quick to vanish
internal accolade amass

plainly superior prose
find strength within
internal accolade amass
insight unprecedented

find strength within
the still of the day
insight unprecedented
sleepy-eyed, but wide awake

secret isolation, best effort to hide
uncertain reply, when confronted I've lied
explanation escapes me, hard to defend
sincere self malice, to this vice I append
commonly pity, never love; lines eyed

misunderstood, breath of relief; brief reside
calming warmth runs down my arm, loony implied
appalling the stranger, understanding friend
Take with you the culprit, I offer to you

genuine compassion, all judgment aside
gentle and doting despite red tears I've cried
embarrassed Achilles wrist; don't condescend
perceived unshakeable, now I see an end
silent, spoken: vicarious Love; tears dried
Take with you the culprit, I offer to you

exemplar in more ways than one, she sits close to my heart,
unknowingly impacting my attitude with love, she shared
her spoken mantra, stunningly simple yet almost an art
"I can do hard things" .............................................. I stared.
ridding myself of former thought
I chose to adopt the song as my own
I saw old habits begin to rot,
as the melody melted my heart of stone
soon enough, the doubt creeps in
I sway and fall, I stumble and falter
say it like a broken record and hold up your chin
you've seen it's power, a life it can alter
wash away old thinking that caused you to waver
an incessant challenging of that deprecation and find you in your favor

lost
vision
perspective
identity
labeled; boxed in; trapped
Who am I? Who am I?
words offered and rejected
Was I ever really found?
questioning Providence, sov'reign plans
hopeless, worthless, careless, less, less, and less
heartbroken, loving eyes watch me stagger
rudimentary fundamentals
Sunday school rhymes, 'tis precious now
oh, take me back to the start
teach me again my name
Who am I? Who am -
free and redeemed,
forgiven;
now I'm
found

deficient of any real love
in image or from kiosk, lack thereof
paternal obscurity
search for quelle of security
cherished adoration from Above

slithering snake, clenches your throat
wraps mind, squeezes life from your veins
energy enemy, bitter bloat
daunting journey, lurking shadows

constricted, conflicted outcast
unable to free from the chains
worn down from life's toll, heavy past
daunting journey, lurking shadows

forbidden to fail, forced to eat
crying, trying, relationship strains
internally free, dinner feat
daunting journey, lurking shadows

conquered mind war, truce to take care
bare me, scary, all that remains
victorious I rise, baptized
daunting journey, lurking shadows

seeking an answer
every notion falls short
nearing despair
she whispers her fear
err any rationalization
logical solution does not
exist here, upset
she carries her
sorrows nestled close

pivotal point.
crucial chronology.
momentous moment.
determining decision.
essential epoch.

It didn't seem real
It was like he had only gone fishing
Of course, that was only a dismal hope
a faint glimmer of me wishing

I'll miss him dearly
Won't get to see him biyearly
playing games - cards and such
golf, euchre, slapjack, and sequence

No more am I able to hug his round belly
or give a kiss on his sandpaper cheeks
But no more will he ache or shake
Oh, what a glorious day!

My heart hurts for my grandmother's loss
The house feels empty without his jolly, old laugh
But there we left her,
playing a lonely game of solitaire

Yet, his memory lives on through me
I can tell of his love for our country
Eagles, flags, and family
These were his pride and joy

I loved him so much
I really did
But I can live in peace
Knowing he's waiting for me
with Jesus

invisible, nobody, trouble cure
wear black, blend in, disguise
the light in me dies
trade-in, temptation lure

cautious, cuffs wrap secure
potential compromise
invisible, nobody, trouble cure
wear black, blend in, disguise

behind peers, I mature
lines noticed, you apprise
sleeves, leave you to surmise
pitifully unsure
invisible, nobody, trouble cure

constantly searching
introspective, self-aware
reality hits
looking inward, honesty
both a blessing and a curse

the words which nourish my fainting heart
'tis so sweet the rhythm of your voice
faring up and down
drifting with me on good days

catching me on the way down,
down, down - I sink into
the words which nourish my fainting heart
'tis so sweet the rhythm of your voice

I close my eyes and feel
your breath on my cheek
as I turn to discount your sincerity
you reach for me, with
the words which nourish my fainting heart

The sun drops lower,
but have you not any fear.
It shall rise again.