the night brings your name
carried against streams of
conscious thought
it is here I know I am better off
it is here I wish you saw

Loving someone
Is work.
I take the thought into my hands
And run it through my skin.
Until the words fall out
And mold
Like clay
Into dissertations of sound,
Into solemn hymns
A soft prayer.
I will repeat all night and morning
Rituals of romance
Rituals of present tense
Rituals of
I am not afraid of the craft
I was born already loving it

Laying in
Another town
In a solemn bed
Not my own
I realize
You were never
My own
To begin with
I salute to the sky
I once believed to be endless
And nod to the rhythms
I felt long before this
Singing softly
Mouthing in numbers


A  N  G  E  L  E  S

I say mama
I'm blessed
but I'm a mess
that a woman has made me
and if you were around to see
you'd be ashamed
one, two many times
i've knelt on the floor
head to the boards
moaning her name
followed by the strange sensation of
"why"
for whole nights, i wept
i could only do that
i loved her
i loved her hard
so much in fact,
i couldn't keep much else in my life in tact
everything else fell apart at the seams
as my eyes
they never strayed
from the blonde parade
that was roaming inside of me
and now,
i lay down with the sound
the noise has died off
but the silence sticks around
i dwell
in moments when i am alone because i can
and when i start to get sentimental
i am reminded
that i could have never been her girl
never been her man
never been more than what i already am
time has no table
love has no line
and we've got nothing but time

in my head
a frozen
still
image
of the girl you could have been
and the girl that i actually am
it all lines up
between wounds and gunshots
but i was always the only one left bleeding

the body
lies
on the bed
you helped build
staring at the ceiling
mouthing lyrics
to a song on repeat
i can lay here all night
i'd have no problem with it
and sing the same words
until they fell from my teeth
hitting the floor
as softly as they came

you
always
were in front of me
but now
i'm finally seeing
you
my
darling