i wish i had a time machine
(and time for you to love me)
i would stall every second
just to see your face how you would look at me
from across the room
you and i
we were undeniable babe
then
i would pause space
to feel you kissing me with your entire self
with your confidence in your actions
we would kiss all night
and all morning
i never wanted to leave the bed
then

then
you would touch me with a passion i had never felt
true intensity neither of us needed to hide
then
then
then

If I had a time machine
I would hold your hand in confidence
before we knew pretense
of what right or wrong felt like
and keep you as my sidekick
and we would thrive in this life (time)
I would hold your hand in 1993
and watch Michael Jordan in his prime
front row seats
you and i
you and i
We may never see our prime together
But I have no doubt in my mind
that it existed
sometime, somewhere
out there

holy space
i embed you
in my brain
to keep sane
i'll retract
from
the things that don't make me feel safe

i stare at the sky
all nights
and think about the things that make sense to me
that matter:
loyalty
truth
peace
tact
music
knowledge
love

i want a calmness
that you can't pronounce
but i know we are all just trying to live
and do the same thing
so i see you
in a different light
in hopes that you'll see me as such
as well

oh, well.

I'll be that open book
You don't wanna read
Just yet
But are intrigued by it's weathered pages
Give me a little attention
And I'll tell you my whole life story
No lies, no glory
All of me
Because I know how not to give anything less

i want someone to wake me in the morning
with "good morning" texts
to get creative with it
to get with it
are you with it?
sometimes, i feel it

this morning, i'm in it
the sun is hiding secrets and i'm dancing in my head
in my head,
so many thoughts
sing to me

i want to sing to myself
and mean it
full body
kind of love
full body
worthwhile
full blood
consuming
only me
only me
only

Trying to tell you this when I'm sober
I fumble down my words like stairs
As if I've never learned how to navigate gently

But that night
We stuck to the bar and to each other's thoughts and confessed the smallest details- the ones that usually make all the difference
And I saw you in a new light- one where I could finally understand your mind

You and I- we are more alike than we realize
The things that bother you are the same things that bother me
We just never said it out loud
Until that night

That night you kissed me again with a glorious fervor
It made my entire body shake and my heart sank onto your floor
And sifted to the foot of your bed
Wanting more
Wanting nothing at all
But your hands and your skin and your mind and your time all over me
And you gave me just that
And it was beautiful.

In the morning, you woke
Delirious yet loving still
And our smiles bespoke what we never will again
We were happy and thoughtless and yielding
See, this love could be so easy if we let it be

But I understand now where it is you go when I can't quite read you
Your mind turns inward
And your body language follows
When you think I have another
It is not so
When you think of another
I will understand
You have many things to think about
I just want to be one of them

A
Thought that makes you smile
A
Thought that makes you feel this is worthwhile

Holding my hand down the street
It is the luckiest street to witness this
And in this moment, I feel like the luckiest woman living
It is these small moments
When I am holding you at night
And I am merely mirroring what you give me darling
They say we can't start
But I can't listen
Because in this moment
Sitting across from you at the restaurant where we order the exact same thing,
I saw the softness of your face
What I haven't seen for some time
And I can't help but revert back
To only 3 weeks ago
And tell you just
How beautiful you truly are.

i want to be something
that seeks nothing
from you
from your eyes that stare
into every night
past my doubts and cynicism
from your hands
in which i have loved
the stalling ways they have touched me
haunting me instantly

i want to be someone
who asks me nothing
of you
no guilt for never calling back
no fear of what you have planned next
wholly consumed in the moments you give
to me
with expecting nothing
next or later or then

i want to be nothing
that seeks nothing
that seeks nothing
that seeks