what are words
but tools to help us either
heal
or hurt
offend
or mend

i can't worry either way

your voice
sounds different
that is
after the initial
"hi"
you always greet me with

it is then and only
then
that you were the woman i fell in love with
the only one in this world who knew
our secret
we lived like children then
and worshiped every second

you, huddled in our land of blankets
you, skin that never left mine
life was simpler back then
it was hours
and ours alone

you used to hate to talk on the phone
and i imagine you still do

tonight
amongst all nights
my brain is running from me
holy screaming beneath
and i am gone
and i am loving it
your words give my body a physical reaction
i feel your wounds in my teeth
and i know you've a mind full of questions and doubts about me
but i want you to know that i'll stick it out
i'll stay around
because i'm in love
and you're all i see

you lay in my lap
your head a gentle weight
hair, black and unkempt
you stared at my eyes and whispered
"you know you can't look back"
and I never knew what it was that you meant
until tonight
6 years later

later i would lay in your lap
and sigh silently as i mustered the courage
to tell you
strangely that i was in love with you
the night before i was to move
i'm so glad i did

what we got into
inevitably ended
but you were the age of love
that i know will forever
be embedded

the telephone feels foreign in my hands
when you call
your calls always come without notice
without fail though
once every 3 months
never more
sometimes less
and i have come to expect
nothing
and be happy with what i can get
your attention is devoured
enamored i am by your instability
what the **** is that with me?
i laugh and simply shake my head
because there is nothing simple about
lost love
or heartbreak
or letting go
and girl, i've let go months ago
but you keep your hook
left cleft
embedded in my lip
and you won't fully
let it roll

one night
one simple night

caution
be cautious, my mind says
and i'm halting
slowly pacing my thoughts
dragging them in a line
until i see which space is mine
and it's taunting.
the leveler
is the true decider
of where this will go
of what love will deny here
i am blood i am mire
hung up on the fence that you straddle
but i've allowed the noose and the wire