she was filled with poetry
destruction in her voice
but love in her words
she scared you
instead of turning towards you
she turned the mirror
forced to look at your reflection
you succumbed to weakness

glowing
she had a smile that was infectious
so you held in yours
it's like she made you feel bare
vulnerable
you hated it because you craved it even more
selfishly you asked,
"who am i to have you?"
while her light glowed
you dimmed yours
it wasn't a competition
but you wanted to win her
desperately,
you wanted to win her.

And our meeting was just a thrill I was meant to experience in order to become more real
The fuller version of me that I kept repressing finally combust and catapulted me in the right direction
To find a love that would accept me
And honor me
By showing up with respect and full authenticity
Transparency is not earned, it is a must and
Fated or not
Predetermined or not
No longer will I let Cupid’s arrow being shot take away what I was born with inherently
A love that I am deserving of and is my true destiny
Momentary desires are fleeting compared to a slow burning fire that nurtures and inspires
So maybe you were nothing more than a spontaneous flicker
That fizzled out once you realized my flame was indeed, much bigger

I’m losing myself

Maybe I haven’t worked on myself
Everything isn’t about me
I don’t know what I want
I feel lost
and I feel like no one understands me.

No one listens anymore,
and I can’t even hear myself.

I’ve fallen upon deaf ears.
And no one did it to me,

just myself.

I started writing again as a way to cope with the silence, constantly blaming myself with internal violence
Because it's me, and always will be
My vision is skewed
Maybe it's not you
It's just me,
And always will be

I wonder if the end's creeping up soon.

Where's an outlet when you need it? Searching for power
Power in myself
In my words
Power to let go and finally disperse

I say
Mouth shut
Too damaged to work

Nowhere to turn, nowhere to run
No beginning nor from
Just forward
And only forward.