In fleeting flicks of fervent flutters,
Unbanished feelings freely sway
Formed from limerent, flippant shudders

A force that'***** me like no other,
Calls the light I beg away
What room have I, in heart, for flutters?

"Leave me to my sighs and mutters..."
I hear my frigid heart relay,
Too fragile for these wild shudders

Brought to burning, stammering stutters
Nervous thoughts, frost-brought, decay
In pacing, panicked, manic flutters

This old and weary heart will utter
A word of warning ere I stay
Recompense for past love's shudders

Do I exaggerate these flutters?
Formed from limerent, hopeful shudders?

How wonderful it must be

To never feel pain...

Whispered words like a silent storm,

She cast my heart to the depths of the ocean

With rage,

I envy her careless motions  

Her defining tragedy

Is the symptom and cardinal restriction

Of my seething, scarred antipathy

For I can only wish on her

That most necessary of torments,

The loss of deepest affection

But true love occurs in the presence

Of humbling sacrifice

True loss happens only

When one cannot bear to love another

Less than one loves one's self

The heart bleeds for the light that pierces

None could reach her blackest night

Where is the dirge for my stolen confessions?

For the price to bear her loveless wrath?

Hours whittled on and on,

sharing

kissing

holding

talking

hearing

knowing

I want them back!

Is justice dead?

Hatred she deserves,

Salvation she evades

The pain I know would set her free,

Could never find a way inside her

Heartbreak and loss she, both, requires

To know the evil of her ways

A heart that only values self

Could never break beneath that weight

And so

I wait

I long to hear her say

“I'm sorry...”

Even if it takes forever

Even if she'll never know

What it's like to feel my pain

Still, I'll wait

I've followed fools and said farewells,
Been lead to where I've said too much
Seen silence drawn from words I've said-
I've said "Too much is not enough..."
I'll bathe in every light you send me,
Say you wont believe my lies
So long as sadness always rears its head like
Shadows dancing in our eyes

Make me a part of every
Memory
Say the word, I'll be right here
Give me a piece of every
Fantasy
Don't be selfish, learn to share
C'mon, let's do this,
I'm ******* there!

Learned to fly from daydreams always dragging
Me away from Earth
In terra firma found the roots that tangle
In the furnace of rebirth
And though I've only just become
A chapter in your story
I'll follow every line that leads to where
We share our morning glory

Make me a part of every
Memory
Say the word, I'll be right here
Give me a piece of every
Fantasy
Don't be selfish, learn to share
C'mon, let's do this,
I'm ******* there!

I wanna be there for all the
dark-and-light years
Let's make 'em all those
thoughtfully-high-at-night years
And when I say I love myself at last,
You know I mean I love you too
Because I honor the light inside of me
That burns twice as bright inside of you

Make me a part of every
Memory
Say the word, I'll be right here
Give me a piece of every
Fantasy
Don't be selfish, learn to share
C'mon, let's do this,
I'm ******* there!

Our maiden voyage, don't be scared,
Trust your spirit, I'm always there.

Like the blossoms born
in springtime fervor
passing in transient haste
Like the will-o'-wisps dance
on the moors of surrender
I'm lost in the fogs of the past

With a yearning that calls
to the flame sprung from summer
I struggle to banish the frost
But the cold wind that blows
from the fields of forever
Tells me I'm already lost

Shadows, calling
Remind me of how to survive
Memories, guide me,
Beckon to days far away
Fire inside me
Rise from the ashes again
Love so near me
Redeem this lost ghost in the fog

Love was my drug of choice
It doesn't help I have
an addictive personality
But we all have our vices
Cigarettes,
They can be trusted
A little pleasure,
A little pain,
They'll **** you in the end
But it's all part of the contract
You'll sell your body
For peace of mind
A lover is not so courteous
You'll sell your soul,
For what?
At least the cigs are honest
Easier to replace,
Quicker to be rid of
No delusions of permanence,
No false promise of forever
Just a little pleasure,
And a little pain

Today, I fell from the sky
And mourned my tattered wings
I screamed in hopes the stars would hear
I cursed the earth that broke my fall
As I watched you fly away,
I wished for heaven to burn

In the fields of asphodel,
I lay
In a dream you left behind,
I watched the rain pour out
In silence,
I cried

My tears were falling to the ground
and froze my fevered pleas
through the valley of forever,
a shimmering wind escaped the trees
the roars from shores we'd seen before
gave power to their whisper
the lips of god formed air to song,
silencing my foolish whimper
all beauty we had found in life
was still stretched out before me
all grace I found inside your eyes
was branded deep within me

In the fields of asphodel,
I lay
In the dreams of days to come,
I felt the radiant dawn
Beneath new horizons,
I try

Today, the fields you left behind
nurture every dream unseen
today, the clouds reveal the sun
and greet the golden dawn
Today, I'm blessed by thunder's call,
Today, the storm left me with more

Today, I fell from the sky,
but I still have my wings
Rain is falling gently now
On the fields of asphodel,
Where we shared our kiss
The flowers smile,
so I will mourn no longer
After all,
They look so lovely
Today.

Can you tell me where the light
will take you?
tunnel vision blocks the roads I've known
Careless wreckage stems in
all directions
breaking points exhume from seeds I've sewn

butterflies were born in
dreams that danced inside your eyes
your promises were flights of fancy
words that left me...
....paralyzed

If I knew how many nights would hold me
memories would all be cast from grace
Timeless wonder left from all
misfortune
wouldn't stoke the flame of love replaced

ecstasy was found in
fires forged inside our eyes
our promises were fevered frenzy
a wish that left us...
...hypnotized

But energy is flowing in me, harder,
I know the sun still sets in paradise
Dreams that haunt the dead will break the martyr
And regret will only leave me paralyzed.

It's no surprise to me
I crave the magic of this world
It's written deep inside of me
Carved by hands I've never known

Like islands in my sea of wonder
Stars whose flames I've never held
Put passion in the stream of life
and wrought the steel within my bones

Like paths that weave the road unventured
The kiss of winds not meant for me
With lips unbound sang tales of splendor
and wrote the song that's in my soul

Like valleys cleaving earth undying
Ocean's depths beyond repose
Stretched self and left all semblance sundered
taught me how far forever goes

So it's no surprise to me
I crave these things I've never known
It's written deep inside of me
Carved by the magic of this world.

All I want is to be naked
I wish to be vulnerable
I'm encased in a web of emotive calamity
Trapped in cold stone and empty waves
Locked in materialism,
Social apathy suffocates me
I need air...
From the womb of modernity,
Claustrophobia is born
I gasp
I need to feel free...
I need to be held...
I need to be exposed...

This musty cell of modern depravity,
Vanity,
Pride,
Self-seeking,
Commercialism,
Disregard,­
Apathy,
Greed,
Hate...
It chokes me with the foul stench of death
The scent that tells me darkness falls

I can see no virtue in this prison
A veil is pulled upon me,
And I'm engulfed in merciless dissociation
I need to drink crisp waters
From the fountain of harmony
I need to be caressed
In the warm ***** of compassion
I need to soar
On the vigorous gales of freedom
I need to be...naked
Strip me of possession,
Unravel my desires,
Hold me in your arms,
And let us be naked together!
Cast off allure of material treasure,
Come embrace your human pleasure!

Somewhere outside this dark room
Over the stone walls that encompass us,
There is a light that sings to me
I can break the walls and burn the bridge,
Cast aside the past of ego
And lead us to a world of dreams
Would you follow me?
Would you break the shackles of your possession?
Cast aside the love of things,
Replace it with the things of love?
Have we drifted so far apart as a people
That we have no room to breathe?
I think not.

This prison of emotive distress,
This cage of idiosyncratic routine,
This lockdown hysteria of need,
It's merely a base from which to start
The distance between us all
Only leaves room for us to grow
I can see the walls break down,
The old facades are wearing thin,
And I'm peeling away the trappings
Of things I thought I knew
But knew I never truly wanted
With them, walls will break
With them falls the cage
And through the coming of the things I see so clear
Like love and peace and harmony
Nakedness and connectivity
(No need for greed,
No need for possession)
I can see the walls tear down
And with their fall I know it's coming:

The day where all are free to fly.

Love is not
cold winter nights spent in silent comfort
by the warmth of the fire
watching your dreams dance in the flame
Love is not growing old in your favorite pajamas
sitting behind a white picket fence
watching the children grow in complacent certainty
Love is not a back and forth
of interests and expectations
of reconstructed dreams
and deconstructed preconceptions
love is lasting
these things are transient
like chapters of a novel, they merely set the tone
love/
is finding someone whose mode of insanity
creates harmony with your own

I have this box of splendorous dreams
Of tender schemes so filthy-pure

...dreams of dreaming
...dreams of living
...dreams of shining
...dreams of screaming
...dreams of giving
...dreams of dying

From it I am taking dreams
And forging broken, shattered schemes

These dreams, they see
And flee through me
And I see me and you see thee,
And dreams are me as dreams are we
Through me, and thee, they dream
And with their bodies see me scream
And all 'round me,
These dreams do shatter stitch-ed seams.

These dreams of love and dreams of skies and dreams of loving, living lies,
These dreams are yours and his and theirs and hers and its and ours and mine

What marv'lous creatures are these dreams who here upon my visage gaze!
What wondrous features have they in the light and dark of nights and days!

They touch and play and kiss and dance and love and sing and fly and dream!
They break and cut and bite and jump and hate and growl and swim and scream!

The fire slips betwixt their lips, and by their ears, between their thighs
The water dances on their hips and 'cross their fears and in their eyes

They glide and gleam across my hand and through my ebbing, whirling mind
They drift and fly across the sands, the grains that hold together time

They twist and turn so gracefully upon their silken, goss'mer strings
And on their tight-rope act of daze they sing and
Glide and
Ride and
Glow and
Show and
Die and
Fly and
Mate and
Hate and be...and...and...

See,
I've got a lovely box of dreams
Sitting here,
So filthy-pure...

I never saw how truth had mattered
Like backdrops to my life I'd taken
Breathless, leaving dreams in tatters

In youth, my steps were reckless patters
By days ignored my eyes awakened,
Led down lazy steps and ladders

Stumbling blindly, scarred and scattered,
Naivety and fear had shaken
My sense of spirit, mind and matter

So vanity had come to flatter
All egocentric ways I'd taken
Disguised in selfish pangs and clatters

Learning quick from past disasters
To discard my trepidation
I sought instead more lucid matters

To slay the creature growing fatter
And lay to waste this beast I'd wakened,
I'd wield the mirror that once flattered

All frail illusions must be shattered,
Lies learned in youth must be forsaken
Unbear'bly tough and yet, no sadder

All narcissistic nightmares scattered
They bowed to honor's conflagration:
The knowledge that all others matter

The beast is slain, his den in tatters
He faced the truth: his loved ones matter.

Through many nights of unsound sleep
I've heard you say my name
You held your hand out through the haze
And whispered
"Come and find me..."
Your invitation woke in me
The hurt to hold out hope
You've ruined me,
Stole all from me,
And I have always loved you.
If I could take away the nights
I longed to touch your hands
Or smell your hair
Or hear your laugh
Or know you missed me too
I would.
You took my very confidence,
Walked away with all my pride
Doused my trust and struck a match
Reduced my faith to cinders.
Your love was never really mine,
Those sparks alive inside your eyes
Told me I was not enough
Impressions all re-told, relayed
And carved into the hands I hold
Fists I clench ask I stay brave
Despite the truth I thought I'd stayed
Bid farewell and walked away
I've hated every single day
I thought your eyes were mine
But found out later lied at times
And left me in a state of stupor
Stayed up late refreshing thoughts
In hopes I'd see you one life sooner
Not have to wait another chapter
You spin your story, yet another,
I'd found all endings through my lovers
The ones I've loved in living matter
In skin and bone and days forever,
Not dreams that lived through dying embers,
Fantasies of youthful slumbers
Our dreams were worthy of remembering
Days spent in September, singing,
Laughing like our youths together
Holding hands, through frightened fetters
Hearts and promises were breaking
As I recall, the air was heavy
Thick with quaint and distant longing
Brought my blood to painful burning,
Exalted fears to basic yearning,
Turned away, last second learning,
Tears in eyes tore me asunder
Brought me to my lowest standing
I can't afford to be so petty
Perdition's path turned me astray
That road was ours to walk together
But we got lost along the way
Our paths will cross again, I wager
But not the way we walked before
I've learned to trust my loss and anger
The pain is weakness leaving me
Reminders grief was all worth feeling
Wisdom that to life there's more
I have mine and you have yours
Your boy, my words, these bonds are precious
Like soothing rain that stops the storm
Like distant clouds on the horizon
Like winds that settle change's roar
I left our memories on the shore

I've walked away, I'm hurt no more
I've left your memories on the shore

The ebbing tides and breezes bend
Beneath the transitory skies,
I wonder where these waters end...


And in the mystery they lend
Embracing winds' and waters' tie
The shifting tides and breezes bend


Ever-changing seasons send
A rush of ardor past my eyes,
And beauties over waters' end


Patterns of my life now blend,
Retreating from repeating lies
Which the flowing zephyrs bend


Elements of hope defend
The grace with which the heavens cry
Mourning not the summer's end


Despite persistent twists and bends,
Horizons cannot ever end.

Despite my imaginative nature,
I always favor reality over fantasy
I prefer a world where roses aren’t merely red
And violets aren’t blue-
-no, seriously, blue?
They’re violet.
It’s in the ******* name.
Violet.
I don’t understand the tendency to portray reality unrealistically
Why sell it up?
Why try to improve it?
Call me cliché, but isn’t the world perfect
Because of its imperfections?
Just look at the sky.
Like, right now. Look up.
It’s nice, isn’t it?
It’s always nice, too, that’s the thing.
When it’s spot-free, clean and devoid of blemish
Or even when it puts on its display of thickly-caked cloud-cover-up and rich, crimson blush
And you don’t need to see it through a rose-tinted screen.
There aren’t little panels projecting it in enhanced quality
It doesn’t fear criticism,
It’s real.
There isn’t a system in place
Perpetuating some marketplace incredulity that the sky-
-that same sky that’s there all the time,
In all time zones,
Commercial-free,  
Every day from dawn to  noon to dusk-
Is any soup-of-the-season trademark
I mean, c’mon, enhanced quality?
How do you quantify that anyway?
And while I’m the one on the stand
Why should I present my case any differently?
Why does perspective shift imply a change in wordplay?
I have a legitimate concern, from me to you
I fail to see why I should express it any differently
I want to talk to you.
I don’t want to impress you.
I want you to listen.
A simply spoken truth can be more poignant than an intricate lie.
‘Cause after all,
Wrap a lie up any way you like,
Define it with any hip terminology you like,
It’s still a ******’ lie.

What is the century but an ill-conceived plan,
or a reservoir of hallucinations?
Man's blood and sweat alike fill the chasm
and Man will continue to drink
Lust surveys those who hunger,
and Time accounts for those in transit
The fountain will never cease its flow
Until man has been sated
He will sell a lifetime of toil
To be rewarded with more thirst
What is his time but an overvalued commodity,
or an elaborate hallucination?
His blood will turn
to ashes in his veins
His sweat will turn
to needles on his brow
His tears will turn
to dust upon his cheek
His thirst will never cease
Until he refuses to drink

It is the nature of the well
To help Man enslave himself

I've heard it told all things must pass
Our days profound, yet, fragile still,
Are trapped within a tender glass


Though sands so ardorously mass
And like the tears of Chronus spill,
Good times must all, one day, drift pass


Though ever-fervently amassed,
Howe'er meticulously filled,
We're bound by that same hour-glass


It's never reverent, never crass,
It's bound by neither good nor ill,
Resolved instead to see us pass


Its master's bound within its grasp
For none can flee its solemn will
As Saturn, too, is cased in glass


We fear to see our sands fly fast
And falling faster, bid them still,
Though in our hands they quickly pass


But neither future, present, past
Can work to find this truth distilled:
It's in our hands to turn the glass


Life's a drink, though quickly passed,
I think I'll pour another glass.

With the tide, I traced the sands that danced in front of me
Their light compelled my eyes to look beyond forever's shore
Aware enough to leave the beach, I ventured out towards the sea

The waves embraced my longing arms and quelled my fevered plea
Though the clouds that o'er me loomed struck thunder through my core
I learned to trust the water's hold, I knew it cared for me

Through rain, through roiling wave and squall I faced my destiny
All lives I might I have lived I knew were left for me no more
All worlds once drawn in sands of youth were swallowed by the sea

Once-familiar tides rolled over footprints left in glee
Memories of bliss erased like years gone long before
But now replaced with new horizons sprawled in front of me

The world that lay across the water's edge was where I longed to be
I watched the storm clouds dissipate as new knowledge now implored
My fear of swimming kept me from my need to fare the sea

From the tides I left the sand that nearly buried me
Awake enough to brave the storm, I found my place amid the sea

The air in the room is cold
metallic chills
sere and frigid as the man,
wearing a skin-tight grey shirt,
might imagine them
he is #83
He counts the chairs
96
He closes his eyes
Colors dissipate,
Leaving him with the chattering of nervous lovers
the shrieks of restless children
he shudders
focuses on his breathing
82 leylines run through him
they fly headfirst into,
and thus depart, the room
his axis radiates
82 stories leading to him and beyond him
lines blur
voices fade
he hears the music of the universe:
silence
he sees the window of reality:
void
his vision rises as his body disappears
HE is gone
there IS nothing
the room is nowhere
breath decays, there is no air
words remit, there is no breath
past and future intertwine
oblivion begets presence
and he sees possibility
he becomes infinite faces
endless stories
an avatar of inclinations
a choir of notions
penumbra to umbra,
from naught to dusk,
from day to dream,
into the river that flows within everything,
he dissolves
there IS nothing
and in nothing, there is peace

"#83!"

I open my eyes.
The air in the room is cold.
My shirt is too tight.
There are 90-something chairs,
82 people,
and I am awake.

Beneath my feet

There is no ground

I look above

There is no sky

An endless plane of light and dream

Stretches out in all directions

My eyes could not begin to speak

The visions that my mind creates

Luminescent, you're beside me

Effervescent, you inspire

Orchestratic notes' creation

Sing throughout your radiant mind

Your hand clasps mine,

and bold horizons fill my view

Words and phrases have no place here

Flowing from our lucid souls,

Our dreams will ebb and birth the tides

A storm this void has never seen

Will rise from out our lungs

A single sigh that left your lips

Would cause this place to quake

Mountains of an infant world

will rise and shape the land

With your blessing,

the first rose will bloom

and grow into a tree of life

From its mighty branch,

The first bird will spread his wings

Stars will fill the sky you paint

While valleys cleave the earth we sing

Our breath of life will call the gale

That lifts our dreams and spreads the seeds

of our domain

when you hold my hand,

all things are possible

you merely need to call the thought

the song of creation rests within you