A lady bug crawled across my dreams today,
I thought it was odd, being so cold out and all.
Sways in and out of consciousness, oblivion
In and out of this light I’ve been living in.
On the big ball I’m living on, spinning with.
I’m a broken insomniac packed with adrenaline.
Sirens blaring and dead eyes staring in my head,
So loud here trapped beneath everything
A dull thrumming gentle humming,
So loud the soul of my shoe vibrates,
To the bad vibes of thier raw hate.
Simple centering while I meditate.
Tell myself there is a thing to call a happy place.
Pieced to pieces fabricated memories,
Like a puzzle missing pieces.
But I fell asleep today, long before
Four in the morning like a normal human.
Sanity came to the ushered sound of gentle snoring.
And a lady bug crawled across my dreams today,
For some reason it made me think of you.
And the soft sway that’s your way,
I thought you were here but I woke
**** choke the tears **** them
And your gone. you are the best dream,
Best one lately anyway when I miss you like this.
Best I have ever had and a common thief
Of my sleeping dreams
Scaring my eyes open for so long
I finally start to see a common theme
Remember that lady bug that ran across
My memories.
Seeing you would easily sooth me back to sleep
And until then i grin over silly things,
Like your wide eyes when a lady bug crawled
Up your knee.
Capri, I miss you.

The curve of your bottom lip,
The contrast of red on your perfect white teeth,
Under that tilted half smile.
You’re shining at me.
The rough surface of your hands,
And how perfectly mine fits.
The smell of you so sweet,
So different, so perfect and calming.
Your demeanor so charming,
The way I’m pulled to you ,
Matched with the way you never
Ever let me go, never leave me alone.
Never tell me to go.
I’m lost in your big eyes,
Wrapped up in your big arms.
There. Is. No. place. Better. Than. Your. Chest.
Your better than my bed at home.
You are better than all the rest.
And I trust you more than you’ll ever know.
I’ve fallen so far in love, grown so far up,
You have fixed me and you’ll never know
The way your soft skin catches light a
A soft glow.
And I know, better than you know,
That you are everything good.
Love you my handsome man.

What is one to do with a heart that’s been torn out? What am I to do but try to tease it back to life and stitch it up, I can’t very well let this piece of me die can i? Perhaps I want to the ache would end. This cold would finally end. I clinch the scared mess of tissue in my chilled fingers. The thing hardly gives a shallow beat anymore perhaps it’s already dead. I feel a bit like I’m already dead just a miserable empty shell that keeps wondering aimlessly. I think about how it felt to feel the warmth of my own pumping blood and I can’t exactly remember. I feel the muscle contort lazily in my hand. No it’s still alive I think. I bring it to my face balancing it on my palm worrying over its fate. And like that the fragile thing is snatched from me.
What should I say to him? You’re a pretty boy who stole my heart absolutely stole it and there’s little I can do about it. I so freely give it away to be trampled upon. Why would he even want it? Its scabbed over with fresh wounds layered in abstract patterns over deep puckered scars. My heart my greatest treasure has grown weary and diminished in its value after so much damage.  He must see that when you ponder its texture in your hands. Why would he choose mine to run away with? Why would he take something no one else has wanted for any reason other than to break? What does he plan to do with such a thing? I can take no more!
You’re going to hide it from me aren't you? He is going to leave me cold with that gaping wound in my chest ! He is going to leave like all the rest but this time I will not hope to mend my wounds, I will die!! Or worse I will live with this terrible ache, as a bitter cold person a used tormented person with nothing to give. Give it back! My panic ridden frigid fingers grasp at his arm and his warmth invades me. Electricity dances on my skin and my heart beats faster where it rests in his palm. It responds to his simulations in violent ways and I realize my heart is his. Hidden from me, or returned it will never truly be my own.I Could hardly keep it alive very much less induce a reaction like that. What matters now is my frigid touch against his heated chest. I feel it beat faster. His hearts never been taken or rejected never marked hardly neglected. A tinny mummer and that is all. I can’t even get to his heart, he never offers it. I’m scared I can’t tell if I have everything or if I will be left with nothing. Still I am enamored by the warmth; he is warm, so warm.
He places the ****** sputtering thing in his pocket. I lean against him for his warmth and he pounders me with his big blue eyes. I feel my heart beat fast dancing strangely against his jacket. I am as confused as he looks, with that beautiful smirk appearing on his face and curiosity burning in his eyes. I simply don’t understand. And I wonder to myself what it is I am doing.
“Why did you take it?” I whisper my resolve dissolving in his gaze.
“ To keep it safe,” he replied a disapproving crease appearing on his brow like he was remembering the textured scars running beneath his fingertips. “To keep you close” he murmured his eyes changing almost imperceptibly at his quiet confession. “Because I want it.” He finished his chin lifting slightly as if challenging me to refute it. I was too tired to fight for such a broken thing, and I knew I couldn't win. I was to desperate to want to think I could believe it. I rested there against him in silent thought, it was warm there. He watched my face equally silent as he wrapped his arm around me. My heart sputtered again as I pulled my face in closer against his warmth. I sat there waiting for it to calm I pressed my pink ear against him and heard another bombardment of heartbeats from the other side of his rib cage.  A hope I didn't know existed showed itself in my hidden smile. Nothing has ever seemed so scary, nothing ever so promising nothing ever so improbable. Perhaps I think to myself this is love.

Some want to hold you,
control you.
she sits besid you
just remaining herself.

They call you the dark,
we call you the light.
Everyone sees you,
But nobody can.
Nobody knows,
your heart or your head.
nobody knows
the words you've not said.

Some think you evil,
all at odds with the world.
We see a saint and a beautiful girl.
I know these words mark you,
remember impressions fade.

One day you'll wake,
when whistle blowers
give chase to themselves.
and you'll be left alone-
face to face with yourself.
(Forget the whistle blowers darling.)

There’s nothing like feeling swimming sun on your skin,
Sweet strawberry taste, voice soft as the wind
In blue skies, tingling high feeling you give me each time
You sink the beach in your eyes into the ocean of mine.
The electrical storm you induce from your touch
When each nerve sends and receives just a little too much,
While you caress and trace so delicately across my face.
While your fingers graze, clasp and tease ..
Until I've forgotten to breath
A soft sigh escapes my lips, evidence of unconditional surrender
I want to sink against your lovely(naked) chest ,
I want to stay there for forever,
Still my favorite place of all of the rest.
My knees weak, eyes closed and pink cheeked.
There’s nothing like these feelings
The really spectacular ones,
That only you can give me.

Intricate matrixes of words
Strung delicately one after another,
Flowing from unseen fountain,
Flowing beneath a cryptic mountain
Melding Into one another, so far as I can see it
Nothing absolute can be created from the puddle
That’s collected all my muddled thoughts,
Stagnate, is indignant to the fact that life survives in motion,
Lost to the notion that change is not bearable
But instead it is, it is inevitable.
Tell that to the cryptic mountain resisting the change
Holding on so desperately to every spec of dirt,
Until in turn gravity tears it from its grip.
Yes the mountain is grounded
But is it equipped? Water is quick.
But it just moves dirt and mountains that spent
An eternity building up , and what kind of
Grounding is earth hurdling back toward earth?
Astounding yes, resounding in your heart and head
Your aspirations bounding? Remaining unchanged,
Except a small tilt in your perception so insignificant
You don’t know that gravity just stole a spec of your dirt.
You have on a micro level come unearth
But regardless of your element you will be
Subjected to the erosion until you are a flat plain,
Or a calm stream or eventually a stagnate puddle.
But you would never know
That you are the highest humbled,
The grandest grounded, and if you can puddle
Without being stagnate you are the ocean
Until you were there you wouldn’t know it would you?
Well unless you read I said it, then maybe then,
But again I doubt it.