and now I go from this content, docile girl to a savage within moments.

please understand.

it isn't that i don't trust you.

it's just, i've been hurt so much and i hold so many things inside my chest, things that i have no idea how to let out of my shut throat.

and i am so very, very afraid sometimes, so very, achingly lonely inside of myself.

please show me how to open up.

you don't taste like heartbreak.

and someone else has come and painted happiness on the land you had **scorched.

you make me as happy as cats.

you are my smile.

i am afraid of the jealous, wild person my broken heart has made me.

and my smile has come leaping back.

and i'm afraid that soon, *there will be no one left that i love..

where are you?

my throat is tight and aching with every word i never said.

why don't you realize that it doesn't matter to me how much light is in this world? it doesn't matter that stars dance in the sky or that the sun shines down or that there are a million different colors here. it doesn't matter that the moon reflects off the water, rippling along the surface and softening everything. none of it matters because you are not here to share it with me. it doesn't matter what all the world has in it if you aren't here to hold my hand and walk with me.

i.  am. not. strong.* i am paper-thin skin, ripped and torn, floating in the ocean with salt scorching the wounds. red ink pours into the water, and i am trapped in a circle of great whites, smelling the innocent blood and ready to feast.

i'm not strong. i'm scared.

someone make me whole again.

baby, come hold me. *i need the way you rush my senses, let me float into you.

the slices down my ribcage are infected, just as you infected my heart.

dancing in the dark, a mass of bodies becoming one.

*nobody knows me and i have never felt so close with strangers before.

and they call me spectrum, like the colors flashing through the crowded room and the different spectrum of souls found inside.

thank you for showing me how easy it is to lie about love.

How can i be okay? When every time i see you....*i want to burn myself alive.

everything we made together kept breaking, and now i think it was a sign.

He doesn't even kiss like you.

my heart is not an instrument you can just play.

and i am finally starting to be *okay.

i do not like the way you look at my boyfriend.

i'm tallying up your broken promises on my flesh, darling.

now, i have lost sight of myself completely.

*i no longer remember the days past as anything but blurs of pain and kissing the unfamiliar.

life and death have ceased to **matter to me.

Talk to me when you know how it feels to stop caring about rather or not you live or *die.

ripping the flesh from my palms because your ***** won't leave me alone..

trying to remind myself that i don't need you.

two things that are never meant to be.

*don't pretend you're sorry.

and if i stay the night with you, will it fix me?

i can't stop shaking...

that this violent person is not me, and you have turned me into a beast.

you made the near-constant chatter in my head stop, but now you are gone and all i hear is *screaming.

and now, she is trying to eat whatever small bits of happiness i have left.

if i can't accept myself, *who will?

it feels as though my heart is being ripped apart while it is still inside my chest.

*please, just rip it out already.

you are not the boy i fell in love with.

*you are just a stranger wearing his face.

i open my mouth to scream, but not a sound comes out.

*my only way to shout is through poetry.

everyone asks what's wrong, but *what do you say when the answer is nearly everything?

please just rip my heart out already.

remember when you asked me to marry you?

i am just another dead thing beneath your boot.

i am not strong.*

i smell like strange girls and strange places
and a strange boys lips brand my cut thighs.

i know not who i am, and i have lost all control.

spending each day on the verge of tears takes its toll.

wishing i tasted of something other than cherries and sin.

if i had wings, you broke them.

i'm just another dead butterfly at your feet.