I'm thinking I'd take all the bad back, just to have the good with it. But I know that's not the right line of thinking. But I want to. You've returned to my life for two days, and I'd already prefer waking up stuck to my sheets with the blood leaking from the wounds you made to waking up with just a text from you. ****, ****. You're poison but you know I won't go anywhere.

i want to tell you the truth  
everything hurts, my organs
are  filled with black rocks and
i can't write poetry without gaining
weight, sometimes i wake up
in the middle of the night trying
to convince myself that i'm still alive
i’ve stopped eating anything but
apples and your pastel pink tongue
i want to tell you the truth
that my heart is a collection of
boys who  didn’t ask for my name
only whispered words like beautiful
into my neck, only painted words
like obsession  on my spine
i want to tell you the truth
when i cross the streets i close my
eyes and the thought of dying
doesn't make me cry anymore
i want to tell you the truth
last friday i got so angry at you
that i nearly burned all of my
poems, i threw a plate at my door
and cleaned up the blood saturday
i want to tell you the truth
that i am made of stone, my hands
are never warm, my skin will be grey
my soul is aching because you’ve
made it empty
i want to tell you the truth
i still love you, i still care about you
but when you ask how i'm doing
i'll say that i don't know you anymore

but all you will hear is "i'm fine"

You only want the pain my love brings, not the actual love. You want me to hurt you, to scar you, to damage you in every possible way. You smile when I tell you I love you because it means I won't ever leave, not because you genuinely want to be loved somewhere deep inside. You know that I'll rip you apart because you like it, you know that you can tear me up too and I'll take it and I'll love it because it's you. Because we're both sick, sadomasochistic people in every sense of the word, and we'll destroy each other and savor every moment, even though it destroys something inside of me that wants to stroke your hair and kiss your forehead and make you feel loved. The part of me that sings when I'm taking care of the mess I made of you, the part that blossoms when I tell you you're beautiful and you blush.
And then there's the monster you grew inside of me. The one that would rather ******* eat you than let you go. The one that screams and howls when you mention your last mistress, the one that wants to devour your heart and keep your soul in my ribcage. The one that aches because you only want me to own you when it hurts.

All of me aches, because you only want me when it'll hurt.

the crazies must grow
tired of their minds.

the way a flower
wants to walk
but can't.

it becomes tired of being beautiful
so it dies.

Have you forgotten me?

It's okay.

I think I would, too.