Not even in the darkness
can there be shadow
Not even in the light
can you hide
from the things that seek you
keep you through the day
holding to your skin
well into the night

What is it like to be in your eyes?
I don't know what it's like to die.
I've never done it before.

This empty place in my chest
is kind of like something did
So maybe parts of me have.

Is it possible to go
Piece by piece
And not realize until there's none of me left?

None looks like no one.

Being in your eyes was like
being in your arms
was like being in a pile
of leaves in the fall
with my scarf wrapped around me
and my jacket fully buttoned
hat over my ears
gloves keeping me warm.

Like hot chocolate
on rainy days
like the chills you get
when something resonates.

If part of me died
And I feel it missing
What does that make me?

Last night I dreamed of you.
I dreamed you came to me,
Slid your arms around me,
And whispered your apoligies.
"So sorry I'm late. Don't know what
I was thinking."

I used to remember dreams.
Fantastical images in vibrant colors,
Crazy plots that could
Frighten or entertain.

I haven't dreamed in
Three weeks.
"She wants him.
He wants to die"
Is enough to push her to
Never dream again.
She does not want to see
What she saw last night.

Is she not drowning enough?
He makes uninvited cameo appearances
In her head, and she,
Only she,
Is full of cold, choking anguish.
Grieving, they all say.

Grieving what?
Oh, right.
"He wants to die"

This is how the story  really goes:
"She wants him
He wantED her
He leaves, lives
She withers."

Strange twist of events.
She will cling to those nights
Where sleep comes for a few hours
And she clings to the mirages of him.
Personal torture, knife turning in stomach
Windpipe suffocating, immobilizing
Absolute heartache,
But at least she can see him.
And at least he is happy.

i think i'm ok now.
i think i'm
going
to be ok.

new territory, more thin ice.
but it's ok.

i've survived.
time to repair.

You'll send me someone.
I know, so young so soon.

Books make fine company,
Other distractions and such,
Until rain comes.

wash it away, away
run away, away
stuck in place, still concrete,
nailed to the floor

What a pretty statue.

I am reborn.
Rejuvinated.
Renewed.
Sailing in a
Small boat made
For two.

And for once,
Uncharted waters
Seem ok.

Let's float along
And see where we go,
But most importantly
Enjoy the soft
Gently rocking soothing whispering
Of the water
Surrounding us
Taking us on our journey.

Great "unexpectations."
New word,
New life.

and I'd rather sit,
pretend you're still here,
than let any memory of you,
disappear.

Oh it's cold,
and somewhere you are too,
but there's a pill for that.

and a pill for me.
maybe two or three.
We'll see
how many I take
before I'm able to be
me.

sans cold.
sans memories.
We'll see
how many
can you/I will take
before I'm/you're able to be
me/you.

**Tell me it was worth it.