Today at exactly 4:07 p.m on September 2, 2014
On a perfect kind of weather tuesday  
Standing in the press box, which is normally like an oven, but not today. The cool air filled the press box like it could snow or prince charming himself could come kiss you at any moment in the rain.
Filming people running around on a field catching footballs like bullets
I felt my heartbeat
It was pulled from way back on the selves of your heart where you can't seem to put an order to things because well, it leaves space but this time
This time you took the time to grab mine again and dusted it off for finger prints but you only found yours.
you text me to tell me, I wasn't the only one.

*T~

• I think I'm a little bit stuck on your high society side tonight secretly because I hate you and this black chipped nail polish.

• and every night I flip my sheets because they're not as comfortable without you on them.

• your name is carved into my skin and my mascara is running

• my tears hold back because I don't have a backbone

• you're not just written in my skin, you're down to the bone. Can I brake that? CAN I BRAKE THAT? can I?....

• we're all just hellen kellers

• sorry if my jaw clenched when you said you loved me

• because when you start to rearrange your vocabulary for someone, you start to forget your own name

• my temper is a stain on a white shirt of reality that even oxy-clean can't remove

I miss my words.
I miss using them in a context of metaphors that made peoples heads hurt.
I make my head hurt.
I miss my words.
I miss my hearing.
I miss my vision but I'm to spaced thinking about your hands and how they easily grabbed mine and your lips ever so gently whispered sweet nothings on mine.
I squeeze your hand but I looked down....
Yours is replaced by him and only half the man.
He asked what's wrong?
I just wish for once someone will ask me what's right.
~T

I wish that I could wake up with Amnesia*
I really liked you
And forget about these stupid little things
Trusted you. I felt like I was finally getting up on my feet but love...
Love is the coin
and when it runs out of spins
It turns it's back
like how it felt to fall asleep next to you
That is the one thing I wish would go away.
Your lips. I remember our last kiss and yes, I remember the make up running down my face when you told me you were leavin'
I still cry. Even cried on my dads shoulder tonight.
and the memories that never can escape
Memories. I wish that I could wake up with ammesia.
cause I'm not fine at all
maybe this was just a dream
I'll make it one.
*cause I'm really not fine at all

1 a.m
: I'm laying here,thinking
: my heart just as heavy as when you left it.
But you didn't really leave it. You have it which makes all of this worse
Because
                    for
                                   once
I'm trying to move on. Trying to let my pinky go so we can't hold on to the promise of forever.
And yes I see that **** on Facebook.
You're her everything. The love of her life. She gets to feel your lips on hers.
Something I never got to feel because your there and I'm here and that's exactly 1,163.5 miles away.
Its not fair
Never fair
Fine
Never fine
I'm tried of that ******* word.
2 a.m
: crying to music
I hate when we talk and you tell me to look up a song.
I try to put back my pieces through this song that you shattered me in the first place with.
I'm so deeply inlove with you
I'm so deeply inlove with you
I'm so
             d
                e
                  e
                    p
   ­                   l
                       y
Inlove with you.
But so is she and right now your heart beats for her while my heart beats for you in the palm of your hands.

3 a.m
: eyes so swollen they have to shut, dreaming
You're so deeply inlove with me.

You're lips, like sandpaper now that I think about it, but twice the man he'll be.
A lighter, I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to put it to my lips and burn every inch of your kiss off, but
I don't.
I simply rub my eyes hard enough to blur the image of you driving because it was always my favorite place to be.
In the passenger seat, I'm not the driver. Not in control.
My pillow
My shirt
My hair
My hands
My lips
Smell like you,
A Band-Aid drenched in lonely.
I'm cold, like snow, but, just as beautiful.
And you're black, like coal, but, will always be beautiful.

Text: "I wish u could just be happy"
                         Text: "I'm happy with you
silence

Are you not "happy" anymore with me?
Can you not stand me?
Then why the **** are you still with me?
Why the **** am I still here?

Please be my guest and define happy?

I went to a funeral today to show me death is so real. Told my friend. He said death might be real, but life is just as real.

This morning I watched the way the sky blends like a man pushing down, ******* it to some how make it perfect when it already was. I can't explain what happy or beautiful means because, I've never been called that by someone who has stayed.

So don't tell me those things

We're not happy anymore.