I have never believed
in God.

I used to
want to.

I used to
want a lot of things.

four years ago
my freshman year
i met a boy with dark blue eyes
who added me on myspace
and chatted with me on aim

he didn't really speak to me
or ask me any questions
he only knew what he did
because i talk so much

and somehow
we started dating
which i still don't understand why
because after the first week
i had a feeling in my gut
that i would regret this
in the long run.

we felt the high
and the ecstasy of first love
along with first everything else
including betrayal and agony
the only kind you can feel
when someone you thought
you love does something so
so awful to you.

the first winter we were happy
i think and we made plans for next year
that we broke the majority of
and in the summer we made promises
some that i shouldn't have

a year had passed
and i thought i would
be spending a few more with him
but that winter
i learned that love can grow cold
and freeze over

maybe i had changed too much
or it was him belittling me
telling me that everything i liked
was childish
and a waste of time.

the next year
i had decided that
that would be all i would put up with
i did not deserve this grief
or to be told that
i was too easy.

a friend that morning
had spoken with me and him
and walked with us through the halls
of the beginning of our junior year
and when we were alone
the friend said to me
'your eyes look so dead'

and i will never
forget those words
or forget
his cries on the phone
that night
when i finally
set myself
free

It’s when you begin to tremble
tremors in your breathing
that I worry.

limited experience
and uumined knowledge
are the real driving forces

lets quiver together

flare them nostrils !

your heart requires more oxygen

and your body more blood

A million pixels make up your image
mike tv
and combine to create
a collection of memories.

that is all you are.

My Forehead On Fire,
Fate Destroying Pieces Of The Puzzle,
Fiddling With A Broken Heart,
Shhh Don't Speak You Slithering Serpent,
I Found You Already,
Feeding On My Misery,
You Cowardly Caressed My Courage,
Picking It Up You Ripped It,
Trying Rebind It,
You Dropped My Dusty Glass Of Dreams,
Trying To Sweep Up The Mess,
You Knocked Over My Knowledge,
Which Was Kindle To Your Open Flame,
Of Dwindling Depression,
Whenever I Try To Make Things Right,
You Have To Sprinkle A Little Wrong Onto Our Cake Of Caring,
And Now I Feel Like You Don't Care About Who Or What I Am....
I Am An Enigma To You,
But Instead Of Trying To Understand You Criticize,
You Chase Away The Creativity,
You Indulge In The Pain Of Uncertainty,
Sometimes I Feel You Carefree Hands Ripping At My Well Being,
And I Always Ask Myself,
Why Do I Still Love You When Sometimes You Make Me Miserable...