It is always said
That you're attracted
To people who resemble
Your parents
But I hate my father
And rejoice in the loss
Of him

He took himself out
Of my life
At a young age
But could those
Formative years
Still hold on to
That memory
And subconsciously search
For someone
Just
Like
Him?

I see so much
Good
In you
But he was
A good man
Once
Too

Intelligence
Dreams
Depth
Everything I look for
In a man
But I wonder
If you carry
The dark side
Of those attributes

You admire
"Men"
Who were identical
To my father
At the end
Of his life
Disregard
Detachment
Liquor
All of his
Downfalls
You aspire for

I love you
Now
But what man
Will you become
Later?
One who
Succumbs
To alcoholism?
Thrives
In solitude?
Abandons
His family?

*******
I hope not

I can't tell you how much you're in my thoughts
Because the words get tangled in my throat
And my cheeks go red at the sound of your name.
I'm too shy to tell you how I feel,
How much I ache for you to notice me,
How I remember our small conversations.
Sometimes I catch you glancing my way,
And sometimes I let myself think you were looking at me.
So I guess I'll settle for the quiet hellos
And the constant dreaming of your hand in mine.

I just puked another poem today
There was a queasiness so my brain felt the need
To up chuck all of its contents
All over you fine peoples feet

It was a colorful array of symbolism
That I hurled across the room
It must have been something I'd seen or read
That made me ***** this poem out for you

Don't worry I'll personally clean up the mess
Before anymore of this I let loose
But this close to a sick poet you should have guessed
That eventually my works would splatter on you

You were there for me
or so I'd like to think,
but not what I like to say
when I'm asked about you.

Your words spun around my head
and to this day,
I still remember when you said
You weren't afraid to die
and that you knew                                               I was
And I still remember how I felt
when I said you were wrong,
but I knew you were right.

I remember your hand
splashing across my face
like a tsunami crashing down
on me
I was weak and you knew this.
You knew I was weak, and
you know you changed me
with a stencil tracing of your hand
in red, on my face.

But did you know I missed you?