Do you know how much you really messed me up?
     This is not a poem of love, but of sadness, sorrow, rage, and hatred.
     I am sad when I get flashbacks of all those times you let me down. All those times I cracked; sat shattered, on the ground like broken glass, but you were screaming too loud to hear my cries of terror.
     The inescapable terror that is my life.
     These flashbacks then put me into a deep sorrow. Where I isolate myself, because with every tear I'm tearing down the emotional block that I stayed up at night, while not getting any sleep, to build. So you, or anyone really, could never could come in.
     Once I am drowning in this sorrow, and my body is still because I've stuck to one position to keep me from pacing, it turns to rage and my body (bones) starts shaking. I can feel the blood in my veins heat as I gather up what's left of me from the area surrounding me. With these sharp, broken pieces I starting building. And as I build the usual wall around me with every piece I place, a stream of swears comes rolling off my tongue, in regards to you, and I pretend that each piece is in you, harder than the knife permanently in my chest.
     And once my barriers are back, I continue to hate you with the deepest hatred I can muster up from my broken soul.

I sit in front of the computer
with my hands on the keys,
not typing anything.
I am at a holt.
I have writers block, I guess you could say.
My head is at a blank,
just completely empty.
I type a word, then erase it.
I look out the window, then back at the screen.
I type another word,
a new word, a different word.
I read it over again and again.
Then I hot backspace,
and it's gone,
just like all my thoughts,
like every idea I've ever had.
My page is blank, my curser blinking,
my cursing increasing.
Maybe I shouldn't be a writer,
maybe I should try something new,
take up something else.
Something else just to fail at,
to not succeed.
That's my biggest achievement
and my greatest pet peeve.

Lights flash by
Blues
Once pretty
Once lining a picture
Now have a whole new meaning
No longer just a filter
But a scare
And a savior
A scar
And a human ranger

when a candle burns the wax melts into itself. then the flame gets blown out and the wax hardens; then the flame gets relit and the wax warms up again, tenets and takes more of the candle with it everytime. the candle does this until the wick is gone and the candle is no more. so do not let your burdens or your past be candle wax to you because it will eat you alive until you are no more. instead, when your flame is lit, blow out the match and glow on your own.

im trying to cope with my pent up feelings but actually i'm drowning in my insanity and anger and sadness. and although i am engulfed and completely surrounded by water i still cannot seem to wash these emotions off of my hands. maybe i need that trigger from myself to clean out my chest and my brain, but in order for that to happen i need to load the bullets and pull, but i don't think i can do that. i am losing grip second by second, slipping and sinking into the depths that i cannot seem to paddle my way out of.

she sighs; sleeping beside you.
your warm, tired, motionless body breathing, not a foot away, radiating heat.
your heart beating slower and slower as you inhale and exhale as the moon shines through your window, forever luminous, like your eyes, that are now tightly ****.
your eyelashes fluttering as she plans her morning escape, contradicting our midnight escapades.
the sun rises as she slowly slips away, just like her, your fingers left mine, once intertwined with me, she untangles herself from you.
her heart left untouched, and me covered in bruises.
your grip tight on her thigh, you break away from me more and more, but the chains get stronger.
you traded our laughs for her screams.
even though the stars smiled down on us when you did.
you twirled my hair as much as you did my tongue. now she just twirls with the door.
your strings still dangling from my eyes, because she runs with scissors and i only own tape that has lost it's hold, since you were out of my grasp.
and falling into her with the lift of a finger, as i fell for you.

My throat hurts from screaming
Screaming, "Stop!"
"Stop the beating!"
My heart hurts from seeing
"Stop the bleeding!"
My heart hurts from feeling
My head hurts from the memories
The memories, of the sounds
The sounds of the screaming
I hurt
I hurt on the inside
The inside of my soul
Where emotions are stored
Emotions you can never let go
You can try
Try by screaming
But you can't let them go
They follow you
They follow you everywhere
They are present at all times
Just screaming in your ear
Screaming, "Stop!"
"Stop the beating!"
The beating of my heart
Please stop
Stop screaming
Stop hurting
Stop seeing
Stop feeling
Stop beating
Stop the bleeding
Please stop