I understand now that I was trying to force feed my love to a boy that knew his allergy.

He should have told me -- the chef of my love -- that he wasn't ready, wasn't able to eat.

He should have read the menu and politely declined.

And I may have sent him on his way and we both would have enjoyed a better suited meal to fuel

Rather than pour into a malnourished body, mind, spirit.

Look at your phone, now, and understand that it is me not returning effort to you.
Look at your hands, now, and feel that it is not me making you feel unscathed.
Look at your table, now, and notice my body not there.
Your mattress, too.

Look around you and see me, and then don't, because I am far beyond you.

Our age only wants to get it quick and leave it even faster.
And you wonder why they didn't fall in love with your laughter.
Because none of it was ever real, none of it is real.

I am pink like pig skin.
Sweat flings from my eyelashes.
I am a summer snake on the run.

I pull back my shins in sheets
revealing something new.

It is okay, it is as it has always been
because right now the sun is shining
and soon it will be night.

If you need some love,
you can have some of mine.
I know I need it most of the time.

Is it stronger to say
I'm Fine one million times
or should I admit you broke my heart,
you really did.

If I could be in two places at once
I would have been able to tell you
that while I slept safely on my couch
I was being strangled within my dream,
no longer by you, but by another.

Fearful, unable to wake,
and yet, alive and okay.