Yeah,
I could smile,
But you don't look at
A person's mouth
When they smile -
You look them in
The eyes -
And mine would tell you
That I just don't feel like
******* smiling.

I still remember,
The gasp.
It escaped from your lips
Followed by a desperate moan
The first time you saw me,
My body,
Exposed, vulnerable,
Laid out in front of you.
I still remember,
You grabbed a hold of me,
Pressed your lips to mine,
You haven’t let go since.

How else
Am I to express
My fear
Anxiety
Terror
For
Here I lay
Falling in love
With you again
Here I lay
Imagining
Our marriage
Our child
Our future
How can I express
My fear
That we won't
Survive
That you'll leave me
That you don't want me
How can I explain
How scared I am
To think of my life without
You.