I sat down in the shower
It was only a moment, but it felt like an hour
The rain poured down my back
My body was consumed by a panic attack
The water mixed in with the tears that I wept
Overwhelming me from all of the secrets I kept
My sobs a cacophony with the pitter patter of drops
Little black ink stains from my eyes turned to spots
Splattering onto my ankles and my pale clenching hands
I slowly drained away, no longer solid, just sand
A fragile little thing in that shower, I was
Stripped away and torn up, never really
                      
                l
               ­           o
                                    v
          ­                                     e
                                                          *d

No one knows whose dreams sleep under the pillow every night
The eyes are full of dreams,
No one knows whose words speak in the ear everyday
These lips try but never open,
No one knows whose thoughts grow in the mind even now
The mind keeps on thinking,
No one knows whose love beats in the heart always
And the heart keeps on beating.

these words spread out,
in letters left but not forgotten
on screens that light up lonely rooms

praying silently
that you will read a deeper meaning
confessions and obsessions
longing for recognition

but in the end
it's more than that

it's thirsting for
enigmatic connection
lusting after
someone
anyone
to unravel

and in turn
to unravel me

someone who won't believe me
when I'm lying to myself
someone who will disentangle
the shadowed shambles
that haunt my bones

I pine for
a soul
to comprehend the corners of my mind
to memorize the knots along my spine

in the end
I cannot fathom
why any soul would try

I’ve always had the narcissistic belief
that I deserved poetry
but I’m starting to realize
that us who live in words
fall for the purity of actions

I smiled today
a genuine kind of smile
the kind of smile that is produced
when a flower looks up at you
but then guilt reminded me
that I am not allowed to be
something of such beauty
so I washed it all away in the sink
(back to normal)
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