is it satisfaction?
is it ethereal?
is it worth it?
is it lasting?
is it filling?
is it love?
is it her?
is it?

how can i be sure?
how can i know?
how can i?

am i always dissatisfied?
am i alway despaired?
am i always fallen?
am i always?

we all have the same disease.
we all have the same death.
we all have the same holes.
we all have the same.

is love its provider?
is love its vaccine?
is love its?

time will tell,
just need a little faith.

psychological phantasmagoria
fun          fun          fun
            defunct
near-exploding grey matter
must-needed result
why          why          why
life                            death
do good here
                  and
                  you might make it
eternal bliss: slavery
freedom, i'd rather be

bruised knuckles on aphrodite.
beating fear in the pawn of love.
candle wicks bloom in the heart of the mighty.

guillotine lips whisper the call of the dove.
casted wings of beauty melt.
when asked to care, angelic shoulders shrug.

gasoline of her words--heartfelt--
poured onto my pyre.
these flames, before her knelt.

beauty that scalds those who touch its fire.
human nature made it a liar.

the ultimate.
all and nothing simultaneously.
your pupils dilate when you see
her lovely figure on the inside of your skull.
she tantalizes your mind in the night.
with the little nibbles of her peace,
that serenade your transcendent taste buds.
those insomniacs who died a little within
wear it upon their skin as an
upside down flag and wait for her
calming breath on the back
of their goose pimpled necks.
when you breathe your final plea for her,
she comes to collect
that which she owns.
that's why we wear her
at funerals as a reminder
of the soul magpie
and the warbler who sings us
melodious songs of infinite tranquility.

traveler of souls, a
looking glass shattered,
the infected cracks
murmur to my eyes,
telling me more
about myself
than the
reflection.

i see you in the silence
and the blanks of
mind. crazy how violence
says more about love
and its power. the contrast
is fading unlike your
eyebrows, and the last
drop of sanity hits the floor.
thoughts of you as
your actual presence,
because your absence has
finished its evanescence.

i always romanticize
those past moments of
what i believe was
untainted happiness
because i am stuck in
the discontent of the
present moment, but
i'm always discontent
in the present moment
because i romanticize
those past moments
of what i believe was
untainted happiness.
i try to take life by the
throat but i don't have
the energy, and i don't
have the energy because i
have been trying to
take life by the throat.

i'm stuck in a cycle.
i am a fallen creature
and no amount of
effort or escape will
ever change the fact
of my dissatisfaction

but maybe i need
to give up and
accept that i am
dissatisfied, then
and maybe then
will i become
satisfied.

right now
right here
i'm drowning
in thankfulness
that i feel like
i won't ever be able to
express in full,
so i write these words
to let out a little
water and get enough
space to breathe.

friendship is
the greatest gift
i have ever been
blessed with.
i'm indebted to you
in a way i could
never pay you back.
i know i haven't
been a good influence.
i was always bad
at being good.
i'm expelled now
and you're still here
by my side.
i know i saved you
from this punishment
but that won't ever be
enough.
even the most
taboo of my thoughts
don't send you running
and that dumbfounds me.
the moment that we have to leave
and part ways, is the moment
a piece of my soul is going to
die. i love you.
know that,
no matter what,
you will
always
have
me
as
a
friend.

i dare look into eyes,
into even those of glass.
i fear my soul whimpers
in the glimpse of a second.
iris: beauty taken
in from the soul;
it's full of suspended wonder.
i can't resist the pull
in those floral colors
ivy green, sky blue, dirt brown, midnight black.
infinite
itself.
i see every word,
in the white,
innumerable thought
in the black.
is reality captured in those sullen globes?
i may never know.

surrounding forlorn sun-cursed flora
pulled by the teary eyed sky;
stars tantalizing them from on high
  with promises of a heavenly aura.

never satisfied with their strata,
always pushing against their time
until the death-bell for them chimes
  and they wither to kernels of data.

encouraging drops sent to their aid
from their lake and river neighbors;
within the dirt, they do their labor
  and at their end, to the dirt they fade.

we are but flowers in a grassy field,
reaching for the suns radiant hand, and
like the flowers strewn in "our" lonely land
   to the omnipotent dirt we shall always yield.

stony feet,
traipsed the streets
of Nepal--
home of homes.
my hearts is
encrusted
in the Himalayas.
misted mornings
with a cup of
hot chai
free my soul.
one day I know
I will return
to my home.
until then, I'm
stuck dreaming
and reminiscing
about the past
days. one day
i'll find my
heart again.

hope is a reflection
held in a tear
drop. a mention
of beauty in
a wet ball of fear
or sadness. when
all seems unfit,
a reminder that here
is Nature with
a warm touch of beauty
to quell the despair.

honest hospitals
no need to be afraid you
are already dead

crystalized veins,
and a moon rock heart--
only shooting myself in the foot,
but i like to watch the blood
flow. the stubborn
stalk doesn't need
water to grow.
fool of my own
demise, but you
have to die to
reach heaven.
so i'll stick to my
guns no matter
what.

we are all plagued by the same
haunting disease.
every step on this wearied road
is just a step in our prison.
esoteric dreams of unchanging bliss
are humanity's liturgy.
the only steadfast thing in
this oxymoronic world is
dissatisfaction.
we are foundering in it,
wishing to drown already.
the romantics looked
to love,
now we look
to apathy;
but this prison
has no escape,
except death.
so we fell in
love
with the grim,
when fantasy
failed us.
now we sit here,
entranced with the mud but
dreaming of beaches.
meaningless,
meaningless,
meaningless.
we are the living dead.

lost inside this leaf,
all has become gone.
sun, is time thieved,
life has become no-one.

where did it go?
that silly soul of mine.
all i am is tree-branch-fallen low,
thoughts summerautumnwinterspring kind.

swallowed by the breeze,
encumbered by something unknown.
i can't dance tonight, my lovely, see.
the breeze floats by where it has flown.

finger hand arm, thoughts in the eye
no longer leaf-lost, thoughts found mine.

innovation: creation in destruction
matter cannot be created or destroyed,
and neither can art.
unity in paradox
we are
            passing thoughts sauntering in the winds of mortality
            drunken stupors, with eyes blurred, stumbling in a beautiful world
            famished spirits, consuming our own radiance
            fools caught up in our fabricated wisdom
            skeletal souls reaching for the sun's hand, while being consumed meticulously by the dirt
the reason i write--
to let you climb on my back
and maybe reach further than before;
pain is a part of life,
don't disregard it;
i have hope.
let us be free
in love;
do not search out pain,
do not search out pleasure,
do not search.
let us saunter as friends,
let us lie down and sing,
let us be passionate about beauty.
my hope for all of you
is that you will be the
heart
in this heartless world.
find glory in love.
find art in love.
find peace in love.
be love.

i am what my monsters see me as;
this bed swallowed my feet.
roars lap at my ears as seconds pass;
insomnia begins to take a seat.

my eyelids are midnight curtains,
that the killer entombs himself within.
Mister Reality behind illusory drapes, uncertain,
a  whimsical gust of wind is all needed for him.

i glued my sullen eyelids to a close,
hoping to escape this quaking ground;
let the sun fall like a petal from a rose,
hope reality will never be found.

avoidance, the path that my trembling feet find,
molded the monsters to shadows within my mind.

me lost in Does
why is i me?

change comes
at eternity's end

anxiety eats Does
i sits stagnant

change, i, me
Does me becomes

Now becomes infinity's demise

liturgical language of wind whispers in the pines.
the sky filled with the pearly puffs of Her word.
the hymnal call of the mountains.
angles rise from the depths of lakes.
the taps of rain on the ground proclaim the Almighty.
cavernous churches entombed within the minerals
of Her love.
upon Her watery canvas She paints portraits
of Her ardent, blue dreams of eyes, and erases them
with each passing kernel of time
repainting them just as fast.
paradise.
pinnacle of unselfish endeavors.
untainted beauty encapsulated in Her smile
She is good; She is infinite; She is yes.
my only escape,
ever-faithful,
unchanging beauty.
all is held within the womb of Nature,
waiting for birthing death into the ethereal.
thank god for Nature.

merely an iridescent adolescence.
flickering soul-bulb, a match for the pyre
i could not handle her fickle essence--
her gasoline in my trembling fire.

i fell into love with the moon and stars,
burning up passion in the atmosphere;
changing in space but never away to far.
immutable freedom in my worlds here.

she left me interstellar drunken enticed,
my spirit burning brighter than ever before,
seizing every moment, photon spiced--
night skies will be my companion forevermore.

burning bright, soul hypnotizing the moon;
fading skies, my love will join my eyes soon.

the brazen forest field, spry
brink-filled with wilful daisies
that illumined the blackened sky
their drooping petals speaking lazy.

petaled swirling galaxies
of the lover's moon craze thoughts,
that sweetly sang of their fantasies
to the marauding midnight astronauts.

dancing with the fallen  stars surrounding,
souls tied together, Garden of Eden found
gyrating golden grey light abounding
their feet chained to the grassy ground.

paradise found and freedom lost,
infatuation was not worth the cost.

heated flavors and
icy noises, up in the
high strata with
a singed mind of
transcendent swallowed thoughts
your molting feathers
fall down to the cobble stones
proclaiming the words
of your mind
up in this planetarium of
a passing breeze
you replace the stars
with gleaming clumps
of barb wire and broken wings
that rattle through the night
screeching frequencies
of your lost-in-precipitation mind
you see the dreams
of the masses
devoured by green,
which clash with
the medley of floral souls
within your grey matter
you breathe out a brink-filled
sigh of infinite--
all those emotional droplets
in that spiderweb mind.
perhaps one day
they will see with your eyes
or even the eyes of your eyes
but for now you are stuck
shouting at them to love
a love greater than that of Lady Black herself
but their ears are stopped up
with the spoon-fed lies of how
to live and they settle for
contentment, and not
passion

everything we
do is selfish and to boost
our fragile egos.

wrinkles of fire,
parting the atmospheric
sea surrounding.
lost within
the flame,
i watch my troubles
flowing
into the smoke,
drifting into
the wind,
dancing upon
the void.
floating ever upwards,
whispering
my troubles
to the transcendent
ears of the
angles that hide
in the spaces
of silence and
the moments
of darkness
between the stars.

what do i see, that is for us
seize it up by the jaw
create everything i can from dust
this world is mine, first that i saw

form these rules for you, i'm free
can't do this or your gone
failure if you do poorly, see
"that's the way it goes son"

in the end, death comes
wasted time on dumb rules
caught up in your own world, numb
"disobedience is for fools"

every method is a way of living
so let reign freedom filling

darkness signals the
retreat into
the shell
of sea-side
sounds.
they whisper
innermost thoughts
of blindness and
profound seconds
of suspended
fallen flowers.

the recluse
can see more
in the deepest night
than the lightest
day.

thoughts circle with
the stars, as the
atrophy of apathy
begins
and the menagerie of
faltering frowns
follows.

i swallowed the sun and
washed it down with a little inky night.
now wildflowers bloom in my heart
and light fills my mind. these
words are solar flares of a
fallen petal.

the price of it all--
welded lips of unspoken words.
now other people mishear
and believe i am speaking,
but it is only the wind
whistling through
my teeth.

now i find that,
being alone is silence,
but it is never quiet.

the steady rise and
fall of your breath like the moon's
interstellar path

sunken eyes and an untame mind.
eyes grow pale with the sun,
the universe turns black all at once.
free fall into oblivion, lick the edge
and feel the pain. i can't stop the rain from
sinking down my face. this love is all
i had, now i just spin around in place,
wishing to be alone. it's just a phase, so
i say, but everything is dull. the wind
pulls through my throat speaking
words i've never known. my eyes won't
close, the brain says no. can't stop thinking.
the sun is devouring my irises, blinded
by the deafening silences. what's happening?
where's my mind? i can't keep passing by
with i'm fine.

seashell minds, if you
listen closely you can hear
the salt roars of oceans.

the emerald ebb
and flow of ideas that
adds spice to our lives.

we are all drops of
liquid fantasy in this
untamed sea of life.

question mark eyes,
dust specked with
anguished lies.

his graceless feet
are always dancing
but not to his soul's beat.

songs sung with unknown
notes, so he drowns himself
in the bars that are shown.

perhaps one day, he'll
read the sheet music,
but for now he's still
dancing to the mysterious
tune and he always will.

stuck with what he's got,
tortured by what he sought.

that's the tune of the world.

azure eyes and wolven breath
Her soul is the ocean, and i'm
an angel feather floating on the waters
spritely floral sniffs of the call
wilderness is my love, but so are You
night skies on Your forehead
and the moon in Your speech
solar flares in Your pupils that
sink my heart into stone
You toss out over the stagnant waters
Love is blind
sink or swim
123456789
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
caught in the currents of the world
hoping to drown into myself
orange to green, blue to white
the insanity is growing
i jump off this water
and into the plasma of your thoughts
words are an escape,
but your beauty is inescapable
Death is in Your neurons
and independence in mine
It was meant to be
daisy fields of your mind
galaxies of your brain cells
let's go find a library and sink into the ground

how the flowing
wind squeals at the
sound of your
concrete smash. fool,
the wind may carry
you on Her back,
but your  infintismal
against the screeching
yelp of Her translucent
lips. that fire smitten
jungle howler will
blow your face off.