You said you'd come to tea
so I made a cake
chocolate sweet; maraschino filled;
girdled with a satin blue ribbon;
set out the prettiest plates;
hand painted with forget-me-nots.
And from the darkest corner of a drawer
found a single candle to celebrate the day.
I'd understand if you had 'phoned,
but now the chocolate lends a bitter taste
and even the despairing posies have given up all hope
as the candle's flame flickers my ever waiting shadow.

I don't remember, any more,
The exact shape of your hands
As I held them in mine,
Caressed them,
Memorized the length of your fingers,
The depth of your calluses.

I don't remember, any more,
Exactly your height, how much
Taller than me
You were, where
My head rested on your chest
When you held me tightly close.

I don't remember, any more,
Your scent, when we lay together
Creating our own
Magic rhythm,
Matching our heartbeats as we
Touched the sky, together.

I don't remember, any more,
The sound of your voice, calling
My name as though
It were a song
Within itself, a precious treasure
You valued with all your being.

And I don't remember, any more,
The color of your eyes, the shape
Of your lips,
Only...
How your eyes crinkled at the corners
And your laugh, as you told me,

"I love you."

You fell asleep, your arm
slung across my middle.
I stayed up with
a cigarette
and Good Will Hunting playing on TV.
You would shuffle around
in your sleep, but with every movement,
you kept your hand
curled around my belly.
Even in your dreams, you were
intimate.

I wiggled into a new position
at one point, and I
almost woke you up.
You startled–
mumbled something in your sleep.
Every word was
incomprehensible, until I heard escape
"I love you, baby."
And it was
brilliant– the innocence
that you sighed
in your slumber.

And I loved you.

The next day, you saw a bike,
***** yellow and
abandoned by its owner.
You straddled the seat and
rode in tight circles.
And all I could think was,
your legs are so skinny.
You were all
skin and bones, pedaling that bike.
All I saw
was you
naked.
More naked than you
had ever been.

And I didn't love you.