A dark river
at night,
how beautiful.

The treacherous rapids,
and stretches of gentle water,
that never last.

Even the river ends,
spilling out into a lake
or an ocean,
or even another river.

Some rivers are underground.

Those are the darkest rivers,
one hopes they can cross when the time comes.

But from this position,
on top of a small pile of rocks,
in the gentle stretch of the river,
there are rapids ahead,
another battle to be fought.

But beyond the churning water,
is this mist.

It sparkles,
it's so beautiful,
it feels safe,
but it's unknown.

And if the battle is won,
i'll be lost in that sparkling mist,
that hides all shadows.

When the sun rises
and the mist fades away,
will I fade as well?

Or, when the mist fades
will it clear my vision?
...
But I have to leave my island
and fight those dark, churning waters
first.

Then I'll know for sure.

It looks like you're stuck
in a little box of Hell.
Emotional Hell.
The worst kind.
It makes everything else hurt so much more,
everything is just even more real than before.
It's like you're trapped,
in your box,
that's closed tight,
and will be buried,
and you'll be six feet under
with emotional Hell.
You'll wonder to yourself,
how on earth did you get here,
why in the **** world are you in this mess,
and why does everything and everyone hurt so much.
Then your own head doesn't help you,
because then you start to think of everything you've done wrong,
everything you ******* up accidentally or on purpose.
You'll imagine you deserve this ******* Hell
when you don't.
You do not deserve this,
you are better than this.
Kick and scream
fight your way out.
Don't you ever let this trapped feeling win,
don't let it take you to emotional Hell.
Head up and push on,
knock down those strict walls,
you can do it,
you are so much stronger than you think,
you are so much better than you think.
It'll all come to an end,
and your walls will be knocked down,
and you can be you again.
You had to grow up too soon,
you had felt the wrath of uncontrollable emotions.
But you are not alone,
I was there too.
But I got out,
and so can you.

Little taps,
and very loud snaps.
Makes you wonder,
who had the last blunder.

Falling trees,
and buzzing bees.
Grate on your nerves,
and you start to swerve.

Thick black smoke,
and you start to choke.
You can no longer hear,
and you smell of fear.

Suddenly,
everything falters and moves quietly.
Like a silent movie that starts to fail,
and you scream out your whispered wail.

I heard the news today,
of what happened in the fray.
I hope to God it isn't you,
but I really wish I knew.

*I wish I knew...

That little vase,
that once held those wildflowers,
and was adored by that family,
that once lived there.
Now lays on the floor.
New dust has settled
over the now messed up inside.
The little table is thrown aside,
by the power of the earth.
It stays there forgotten,
by everyone that once knew it,
and now there is a crack
in the vase,
that was deemed unbreakable.
Not too long ago.

Let us all rise,
and fight our inner demons,
ones that threaten to smother us completely.

Let us all fight,
and finish our wars,
and become survivors.

Let us all live,
our own lives,
shared with others we care about.

I'm calling all you out,
who are fighting your own battles,
and I'm saying to come join me,
and fight,
and survive.

Rise to this call of action,
and help others who are struggling.
We will all fight,
and,
We will all win.

Running down the hall,
with the threat on my back.
Hoping to make it safety,
because safety is what I lack.

Sitting in a room,
and everything is dark,
as I listen to the argument down the hall
that all started with a spark.

A spark of something induced by drugs
and a low life loser.
That she got caught up in,
and it's not like we can't accuse her.

She took part as much as she could
in the induced high.
But now it all came crashing down,
when she was forced to say goodbye.

Say goodbye to the loser,
who drags her life down.
He'll lead her down a path of regret,
and she will certainly drown.

The explosion of anger and fear,
has not gotten through to her yet.
And I fear that she will hurt herself,
more than we'll ever expect.

I never ever thought before in my life,
that I would want to leave home.
But nothing could push me out of the house faster,
than the addicted life she chose.

It does get better.
I used to never believe those words,
because they were just words
and there was no action backing them up.

It does get better.
After months and months
of the world crashing on my shoulders,
I learned how to carrry it.

It does get better
Even though the world can be
so dark and cold sometimes,
there is light somewhere.

It does get better
The light starts inside you,
and once you find it,
you can move on and spread your light.

Everyone who is suffering,
just remember your light inside,
and remember that,
It does get better

Forget
Everything
And
Run.

Let fear take control of your emotions.

Forget
Everyone
And
Run.

Let fear make you blind to others.

Forever
Escape
A
Reality.

Let fear make you escape from Reality.

Forgive
Everything
And
Reach.

Forget fear, reach out for help.

Fly
Everywhere
And
Rise.

Fear can't control you, you can rise from it.

But yet,
you could still,
Forget
Everything
And
Run.

A run down house
filled with garbage and dirt,
and bugs of all sorts
that I didn't know existed,
is where my dream had taken place.
Well, at least I hope it's a dream,
and not reality.
I walked towards that broken, disgusting house
regretting each step
that took me closer
I'm blind to my surroundings
my only focus is that house,
or what is in that house.
The house seems to get bigger
and it looms over me
threatening to crash and smother me
but even with all this danger
and my head telling me to run
I was compelled to move on
to find the purpose of this horrible house,
this awful house.
The wind picked up
and my vision changed
the house changed,
it was still the same house
but this time it was a quaint little house
it sit perfectly in the country setting
and children ran and played
adults were laughing
everyone was happy
and I found myself laughing with them,
As soon as the vision came,
it disappeared,
leaving my frozen
and hesitant.
I no longer wanted to find out what happened to this house.
The walkway was cracked,
the lawn was overgrown
the trees were snapped in two
and darkness was settling in,
the horrible house it was once more
looming over me.
I started to run,
but not away,
much to my dismay
I ran towards that house,
through the dark gaping doorway
right into the garbage filled living room,
dying room more like it.
Everything was dying,
and I watched,
death filled the living room
like a sickness that can not be cured,
it was oppressing,
and once again I felt smothered.
The room swirled before me,
broken tables and chairs flew around the room,
a tornado of broken things
flew towards me,
broken tables and chairs,
sofas and pictures,
hopes and dreams,
souls.
Broken souls stopped this rampaging tornado
and stared at me,
their colorless eyes huge,
begging me to save them.
I started walking,
up now,
up old stairs that creaked ominously under my feet.
Every step I thought I was going to fall through.
I turned down the hall and into a room,
now there was a broken crib
and destroyed toys,
the only things intact
were a teddy bear,
and a child.
The child was sick with the fever of death,
and I had to get him out of here
those broken souls were screaming out of fear,
"Get Out!"
The house was going to fall.
I grabbed the child and the bear,
and I ran.
Down those perilous stairs
out the gaping door way
and I ran with the child in my arms
far away from that horrible house
and those broken souls.
I finally stopped running
when I was in a field of frost bitten flowers.
When did it become winter?
That child was shivering,
he gripped his bear
the strength of that child filled me with some sort of hope.
I wrapped up the child and ran.
Now it was spring,
the child was older now,
he still stayed with me
as we ran through the living forest,
this child's cheeks were bright red with the joy of running.
Spring fever wrapped him in warm, gentle, arms.
Then we ran into Summer,
how I do not know.
But that child was older,
and I was older,
he had blue eyes and blond hair,
and I never noticed until now.
We ran along the beach,
he splashed in the water
Summer fever took him up in her raging warmth.
Then it was fall,
and that child changed once again,
no longer happy
he walked instead, alone a lot,
without me.
His blue eyes seemed to darken,
and he was paling,
anyone could see that Autumn fever caught him in weakening arms,
and though he was beautiful,
he was dying.
Then winter came once more,
and we were back at that house.
That horrible house,
that now was just a pile of rubble,
and broken souls.
That child walked up to the house,
fell to his knees,
and died.
I ran up to him
winter trying to hold me back with cold winds,
all that was left
was his teddy bear.
Winter fever had crushed him in her cold grip,
and killed him.
I hugged the teddy bear.
I woke up,
disoriented by my dream,
my heart felt raw,
the death of a child,
something I never want to be reality,
ever.

Move so swiftly
full of grace,
don't let your muscles bother you
with their dull aches.

You are flying
so high in your mind,
and your body falls into
a rhythm so undefined.

As you move
with the speed of light,
something upsets your groove
and everything goes dark.

You black out
your rhythm is lost,
now you're full of doubt
and everything is collapsing.

With a phenomenal effort
you refocus yourself,
you're covered in dirt
but you can't help but feel better.

Move once more
with grace and rhythm,
your aches are behind closed doors
and you sprint forwards into the future.

Footsteps.
Perilous, ominous footsteps.
Every floor board is creaking,
and you're hiding,
as pale as a statue that had once seen its glory days
but now is crumbling to pieces.
The door swings open.
You hit the pause button,
everything seems frozen,
and you hit rewind.
You press stop,
at the first memory you have.
Then you hit fast forward.
Moments are flashing
right before your eyes,
you relive your life.
The good and the bad,
and the in-between,
the day where you learned
nothing was ever black and white,
the first time you lost someone
you truly loved,
your first steps,
your first kiss.
Your first dance,
your first graduation,
your first day you felt truly on top of the world.
Your first fear,
your first broken heart,
your first crisis of who you were.
Your first everything,
and your last.
The moment you realize,
that not everything goes according to plan.
Everything goes by in a matter of seconds,
and then you hit play,
and you take your last breath.
A solitary shot rang out,
and your mind fizzed to nothingness,
gone just like your memories,
gone like the ominous footsteps,
gone with the feeling of life,
gone just like everything else
that had left before.
Then it ends,
and another power hits eject,
and your part is extracted
from the movie
called life.

Today I turned sixteen
quite an important year for me
and all of my friends had kept asking me
what we were all going to do together
don't get me wrong
I love my friends
but I prefer to share this special time
with my family
and my one little wish
had come true
because all I ever really wished for
was to be with my family
always

Look on with saddened eyes,
like little pools of water,
and the thoughts in his head
are swimming like fish,
beneath the surface,
of his blue eyes.

"Little boy,
you're crying,
please don't be sad,
everything will be okay,
you'll see."
But those words in my ears,
sound hollow,
and insincere.
I know he didn't believe me.
But he won't say anything,
he'll just nod his head and try to not cry.

This little boy,
had an aloof quality,
but yet still when he said something,
it was always important.
He used his words wisely,
he was far older in his view on the world and people,
compared to other children,
he was an extraordinary child,
and the time I spent talking to him
was short.

And then something awful happened,

He had watched his father die,
right before his eyes,
and I watched too,
for I was with him when it happened,
yet I felt strangely detached from his world,
it was like I was not there,
but yet I was.

I saw this little boy,
crawl numbly over to his father,
and I saw him cry,
and he said
the most childish,
heart breaking sentence,
I have ever heard in my life,
"Wake up."
He knew his father was gone,
but that didn't prevent him from trying to pretend
that his father wasn't.

Flash forward many years.

I met the boy again,
just not in the way I had expected,
He was in the hospital,
dying.
He had turned to drugs when I was gone,
and he lost his way,
and I cried.
If I had stayed I could have prevented it,
and he wouldn't be dying.

But that little boy,
who still looked little even though he was much bigger,
his blue eyes looked saddened,
and sparkling with his old wisdom,
he knew it was his time,
and he told me,
"It's my time, don't pretend i'm not gone,"
and then he died.

That's when I woke up.

It was all just a dream,
i'm here in my bed
confused,
who was that boy?
what does my dream mean?
why would I dream of someone I didn't even know?

Now what always haunts me is,
his blue eyes,
that were as deep as the ocean
and as everlasting as the sky.
It is hard to forget,
those sorrowful eyes,
in my dream
of a boy who died too young,
and I don't know what
that could mean.

What a beautiful world,
she whispered to the sky.
The media gives us one idea,
of what us girls should be,
yet we're always told we should be ourselves.
But society prevents that doesn't it?

What a beautiful world,
she said a little louder to the clouds.
People are cruel and vicious,
they seem to sink their teeth into innocents,
and tear lives apart.
To make themselves feel better.

What a beautiful world,
she yelled to the darkening sky.
The lives we lead are full of choices and challenges,
and people and notions go out of their way to ruin us,
and we are expected to pull through and make a life for ourselves.
But it isn't easy.

What a beautiful world,
her voice screamed with the wind.
This torrent of emotions,
can make or break a person,
and when someone plays to hurt someone.
The emotions shut them down.

What a beautiful world,
she cried with the rain.
The tears she cries,
will go unseen for they mix with the rain,
and the rain is the bigger problem.
Not the damage done to the girl's mind.

We all need a pick me up,
every now and again.

We all need the little light inside,
to glow once more.

We all need a little peace in life,
to realize what we need.

We all need our own moment,
to feel better.

We all just need a break,
from this crazy world.

We all need the time,
to make things better.

We all need to realize,
that with the little time we have,
we should be happy,
Because who knows when our time will end.

Sorry I haven't been on in awhile,
I just haven't had the time to read my friends poems and write lately.
Between sports and school
I have very little time for friends and family,
and I have very little time for myself.
It's hard to manage time when you don't have much of it.
But anyways,
today I read over 60 poems,
and I left some comments,
I'll have to go back and reread some of them,
but I have finally caught up,
and hopefully
I will be able to go on HP
And read, comment, and write.
Once again, i'm sorry for just dropping off the radar these past days,
I will do my best to not do that anymore.

Brace yourself,
as time moves forwards,
stand stiff,
and tall,
don't let your past,
claim you.
You are not who you were,
you're now someone
better,
believe in that.
Believe in yourself,
your past means nothing,
it may shape you,
but it does not control you,
so don't let it.
The only thing really standing in your way,
is you.
So relax,
and give into the new moment,
you now have nothing to lose.
So now,
you have no excuse.

The spirit
of a mustang,
runs through my soul,
I desire freedom.
I love to just run,
and shed my worries,
that keep me locked in a stall,
looking out the window
to the open range,
where I used to run.
My spirit is a horse,
wild and free.
I fight when my freedom is threatened,
because it is so precious to me.
I protect my herd, my family,
because they are the only stability I need,
I let my creativity flow.
I dream of horses,
dark and light,
and they help me find myself,
they help me grow,
and I connect with them.
They are always there for me,
not in reality,
but in a dream,
and I am one of them
in the depths of my mind.
I am an untamed soul,
as wild and strong as a mustang,
who has learned the tricks of mankind,
who understands,
how freedom is what I truly need,
to survive.
My spirit can not be,
controlled.

Today I hid some Easter eggs,
in my cousins backyard,
for a bunch of little kids.
As I hid these eggs,
I realized that the kids
that will be looking for these eggs,
are more clever than you think,
I can't just scatter the eggs in plain sight,
they must be hidden.
When we let these kids go,
to hunt for these eggs,
you could feel the excitement
in the warm air,
and the little kids faces,
with smiles from ear to ear,
made me smile,
like i've never smiled before.

Drop
like a stone
down into the water
and sink into the darkness
slowly,
calmly.

Right,
a direction you turn,
or a decision you make,
that is true to you,
instinctual,
creative.

Now,
fall apart,
into little puzzle pieces,
that you can't solve,
confused,
misused.

Or,
you can do,
something more brilliant,
than anyone before,
try,
again.

Rise,
like a phoenix,
from the ashes,
and spread your fire,
burning,
passionate.

Up,
into the sky,
rest on the clouds,
with cool contentness,
foolishly,
lazily.

To,
all your friends,
let them hear you,
cry out,
with love,
and acceptance.

The,
birds will fly,
around you,
encompassing you with,
comfort,
strength.

Challenge,
yourself everyday,
don't back down from adversity,
don't get walked on,
because you are strong,
tremendous,
amazing.

I want to go back,
to when I was five,
that was ten years ago.
Ten years ago

Like how the leaves turn orange and brown
in autumn,
things have changed.
It's been difficult

This new year,
was not what I had wanted,
but then again,
does anything ever go
according to plan

I remember when I was five,
my family and I
would go out for ice cream,
on hot summer days,
but now we don't have time

I remember playing outside,
and running through the woods,
and being friends with everyone,
there was no drama

I want to be five,
I want to be a kid,
with no worries,
weighing me down heavily

I don't want
To sink like a stone
In the dark waters
resting uneasily
Let me rise
and be a child
with no worries
let me live
with no responsibilities
let me be
*a Kid

we all must exist,
for a reason.
We all must have something to do,
in our lives.
We all must be the best,
we can be.
Otherwise,
we'd just exist,
and float through our lives,
watching life
flow right out the window.
And we'd just slowly waste away,
and our existence,
would have meant,
nothing.

Close your eyes
and wait till the city sleeps,
to scream out loud,
hit the panic button
then destruction starts,
pain and misery
are common sorts,
red flames of pain
and tear-less eyes,
why can't they see through your disguise,
lighting strikes when the moment is right,
burning away
with your demise.

My piano is covered with papers,
my instruments covered with books,
I have notebooks on top of my drawing pads,
and pencils and pens covering my stories.
I have past assignments all over the floor,
and new ones spread across my bed,
my computer is always opened,
to type up another essay.
School is something I have to do,
and honestly I enjoy it,
except when it takes over my life,
and then I can not control it.

I think to myself,
a great deal of things
that weigh heavily on my mind
I can't seem to express
this feeling I have
and how deep within myself
it resonates
I feel like a small but important part of me
is dying on the inside
it's shriveling into nothingness
I find that i'm not angry
and i'm not scared
i'm just sad
and depressed
and this feeling
circles through my body
unrelenting against my emotional capacity
I passed my breaking point
a long time ago
but the sadness escalates
and spills over
flowing into others
and it spreads like wildfire
it just crushes me
to no end
and I can't cry
believe me i've tried
sometimes all I want
is to cry
but no tears will fall from my eyes
there would only be the strangled gasps
of someone who is sobbing
and i'm tired of it
i'm tired of being sad
but to me
it looks like
I won't stop being sad
and i've been thinking
for a long time now
about death,
and when I go
i'll hate that i'll leave everyone I love
behind
but to me
dying isn't a morbid thought
it's just life
and it must be accepted
as always
and when I go
whether I die young
or old
if I come to a natural end
or a not
life will go on
it's a never ending of cycle
of love and pain
a dangerous cycle
as I see it
there is so much in life to enjoy
and I know this
i'm aware
and I try not to be so absorbed in myself
so I can live
and pull out of this shell
that I have been rebuilding for months
but it's getting even harder to manage
I don't feel in control of myself
and the problems my family and I face
every single day
tears me apart
I miss the days when I was a little kid
yes i'm still young
and i'm techinically still a kid
however I feel older
this situation that i've been put in
forced me to grow up faster
not everyone has nieces and nephews when they're only twelve
and not everyone has to deal
with my irresponsible half brother who is in his twenties
and his girlfriend
who is the mother of these children
and not a good mother at all
she's cruel
just awful to these children
that's the reason one of my nephews lives with us
everything is just barely staying together
held as tight as a single thin thread can hold
and i'm the thread
I don't like the weight
and the tugging
and yanking
of the way everything is going
I feel like one day
i'll just collapse from it all
and the thread will snap
and I will fall to dizzying darkness
while the everything else
just spirals out of control

Little girl,
her eyes held the world
and everyone just adored her,
her mind was clear
and with every year,
she grew and grew and grew.
Slow down little girl,
don't grow up too soon
it's not as fun as it seems,
be a child
while you still can,
and enjoy the life you lead.
Slow down little girl,
trust me on this
you don't want to grow up too soon,
there are harsh realities
to everyday things,
that you thought were just dreams.
Little girl,
whose eyes once held the world
slowly started to dim,
as every year went by,
she started to see,
why she was always told
to slow down,
Because now the only voices heard
are the ones whispering,
"Welcome to reality."

Shocking ends,
and brand new lies,
sit behind,
covered eyes.

Little tips,
and discolored lips,
strangely there,
in a discreet air.

Ticking clocks,
and mismatched socks,
unique ideas,
wrapped in tears.

Shaking hands,
and disheveled strands,
of long thin hair,
you're without an heir.

Strangled air,
and you're without a care,
that this lack of support,
is all you'll report.

And when you die,
you'll hear a lullaby,
of when lives tend,
to reach a shocking end.