I'll make a million mistakes
in my life time
but I won't let them hold me back.
I'll learn from them.
But the question is,
will you?

It's dark out by me,
but I don't really care
because to me
the sun is still shining
and the birds are now singing.
The moon is rising,
and the stars will come out
because it is dark,
But it doesn't have to be dark.
I see the light,
I see the stars,
I see the moon,
and to me they are bright,
they light up my night.
They show me the way
to healing,
and learning how to live again.
Nature is beautiful,
its a natural medicine.
Eventhough,
by me,
its so dark,
and so cold,
mother nature,
is lending me her strength,
to let me follow her path,
through the dark.
And I know I will heal
because I can not be knocked down,
and broken,
for long.

A twisted image,
fills your mind,
as you finally lay down,
for a much needed rest.
But will you sleep?

Your thoughts swirl,
into a mix of words,
that make no sense,
in your head.
But do you even see?

Your eyes close,
and they open in a new world,
that's filled with light,
and everything beautiful.
But is it all true?

The light changes,
to a cold dark,
that churns your insides,
with sharp fear.
How do you feel now?

The beauty you saw,
mislead your senses,
and made you believe,
that you had the right intentions.
Do you like being deceived?

A person appears before you,
their voice was gentle,
yet their eyes were angry,
you were wrong.
Did you think you never were?

You wake up,
with the fear still lodged deep,
into your gut,
and you notice the person,
outside your window,
and you're wondering,
as you lock eyes.
Was this really all a dream?

Do you see the little lights flashing,
along the lonely highway?
That will lead to the dead end streets,
of the failing misery.
Do you see the dark buildings,
and all the abandoned rooms?
Do you know the truth behind the scenes,
of the cluster of buildings?
Oh those poor children,
their days are numbered,
and I don't know what will happen,
to them.

Watch the world spin,
slowly turning,
me around.
I'm stuck in motion,
so much choking,
that i've found.
My eyes can't see,
what's in front of me,
and im scared,
of what it could be.
All there is,
are,
chaotic eyes,
messed up minds,
disgruntled faces,
but moving grace.
The pain is real,
the thought is clear,
fear races through my
soul.
Rabid mouths,
twisted words,
raking gaze,
control has changed.
It plants a seed,
for fear to grow,
not into a flower,
but a ****.
The **** needs to be,
plucked out of the ground,
quickly.
If time could move slow,
then I would dodge,
all the hate.
But I can't freeze time,
I can't reverse it,
i'm stuck in a moving,
time zone,
where I always find,
my worst enemies,
who always have,
chaotic minds,
gripping hands,
frozen faces,
empty stares.
The Pain is real,
it's all they feel,
and it burns
into their souls.
But,
what I see now,
there is good.
And they have,
Pretty eyes,
beautiful minds,
a stable face,
and awkward grace.
There's no pain here,
and that's what I feel,
and it fills my soul,
with hope.
Joyous mouths,
encouraging words,
a soft gaze,
control has changed,
again.

Sing little mockingbird,
sing your heart out,
because your song is beautiful,
don't let anyone shut you down.
All you ever do is sing,
you don't cause any harm,
so don't feel bad,
don't feel like
you did something wrong,
because you didn't.
You just got caught in the middle.
Poor little mocking bird,
all you did was sing for me,
and now you don't anymore.
Please don't be sad,
please start singing again,
please little mockingbird,
sing your heart out.

What a great day,
I thought to myself,
while the sky was blue-grey,
and the weather was not too cold,
and I was walking on a path,
that would lead me to home.
I was quite happy,
if I remember correctly,
nothing could stand in my way,
nothing could bring me down.
I was going to be happy today,
and no one could stop me,
or at least that's what I
thought.
Then it happened,
it was quite a long call,
and most of the time
the silence was long,
cause I feel I could not speak,
and you were begging me.
"Please say something,"
"Please don't let me feel like i'm being mean"
and yet I still couldn't speak,
and another long silenced,
appeared before us,
and I remember hearing you gasp,
"Are you crying?"
"Please don't tell me you're crying."
and somehow I found my words again.
I remember whispering,
so slowly,
"I feel if I talk, then I will."
there was a horrified silence,
and he kept repeating,
"Please don't cry"
and my only response,
between my gasping breaths was,
"I'm trying."

Since day one,
she was a daddy's girl,
she was her fathers,
entire world.
Nothing could hurt,
his baby girl,
without answering to the face,
of rage and peril.
He saw her relationships,
and watched them fall,
and anger consumed him,
until he was completely enthralled.
Yet he saw a relationship,
full of hope and light,
and he thought to himself,
this might be the one.
Down an aisle,
he walks with his soon to be married
daughter,
linked together by their arms.
He hands her away,
his little girl,
to the love of her life,
and she smiled at him.
The same smile she always wore,
when he came home from work.
She was still
a daddy's girl.

I know that this is a puzzle,
with its scattered pieces ,
spread across the floor.
But I can't find,
the pieces that fit together.
I'm stuck staring,
at the picture,
on the box.
Just looking for one piece,
one little piece,
to match,
with the piece of a flower,
that is pressing into my hand,
leaving little red indents,
in my palm.
I look at the puzzle,
just searching
for the one piece that will get me started.
But I can't find it,
it's not there at all.
Well I guess this piece of flower,
will never find its match,
because i'm so blinded
by frustration,
that I just can't see,
the little puzzle piece,
that is right under my nose.

When it's all said and done,
will you tell me who won?
Because i'm not sure,
who to root for anymore.

When this all has to end,
we just cant pretend,
that what we feel,
isn't real.

When we take this break,
will it even make,
a lull in our lives?
Or a sacrifice?

When we start again,
I believe it won't end,
because we'll have nothing to fear,
and we'll look towards this year,
to start again.

That day,
that treacherous, torturous day,
is a ghost,
a shadow,
that never leaves my side.
She left the house,
fuming,
at me.
And I was,
raging,
at her.
Over stupid,
little, arguments.
Late at night,
the phone rang.
My mother answered it,
she told me what happened.
I dropped,
my body in agony,
I was slammed into the ground,
by the pain I felt.
A car hit my sister,
and I felt her pain,
along with my own.
All I could think,
all I could remember,
was our argument.
And how mad we were,
at each other.
The last thing,
my sister would remember,
about me,
is me hating her,
and yelling at her,
and screaming at her,
she wouldn't remember,
that I love her.
As that night went on,
I cried.
Every single second was filled
with heart wrenching sobs,
that came from my own body.
I didn't know if she would die,
I didn't know if she was badly hurt,
I didn't know she would get hit,
by a car.
A **** car.
If I knew that,
I would have never argued with her.
But it's too late to change that.
Even later,
my father came home,
and I was sitting on the floor,
staring at the wall.
Just waiting to hear about my sister.
Just waiting to hear the horrible news,
that my poor father would have to bestow on me.
I prepared myself,
for the blow,
and my father spoke the words,
I did not think
that I would hear,
"She's okay."

No expression,
lights up their face,
but their blank looks,
darken them.
They don't like the light,
they live in shadows,
where their blank looks,
thrive.
They come out,
and no one knows what to think,
they're scared,
were scared.
Faceless,
that's what scares me,
no eyes, no mouth, no nose,
I can't read them.
They're inexpressive,
I don't know what to think,
its like they are always covered,
masking their lives.
No expression,
lights up their face,
so to them,
I must close my door,
and never open it,
cause they are,
unknown.

Today it was cold,
but I didn't really notice.
Because the sun had come out
from behind the dark clouds.
It didn't radiate much heat,
but I was completely warm.

Today I was anxious,
because I was going to meet up with you.
And after what we've been through
in the past couple of days,
I was a little afraid,
of what could happen.

Today I was happy,
because you seemed to be yourself.
You weren't ignoring me,
we were who we were,
in the beginning.
And that made me happy.

Today it was cold,
but I didn't really notice.
Because your arm was around me
keeping me warm as we walked,
on a rather long path,
step for step,
walking into the dark.

Now is the time
to take a chance
even if it's risky
I just have to see
what will happen

Now is the time
to make a move
even if i'm unsure
I just have to be
a bit more confident

Now is the time
to be determined
even if i'm scared
I have to make things better
and that will happen

Now is the time
to stop being afraid
of the response I may get
or may not get
and I know I will be better
in the end

Sleep is for the weak.
I was constantly told,
by my coaches,
who would catch me,
half dazed on the sidelines.

Then they'd put me in,
tell me to work through it.
You don't need sleep,
you need to work,
and I would run in circles.

I remember running,
back and forth,
trying to keep sight,
of the ball,
with my dreary, sleep-filled eyes.

The game ended,
and I was yelled at by the coach.
Why weren't you awake,
you should have gotten more sleep,
you need to sleep.

What a hypocrite.
Sleep is for the weak,
you pounded that into my head.
So now i'll tell you,
one important thing.

Sleep is for the strong,
and don't you forget it.

No answer,
all day long,
my phone sits on my bed,
silent.
I've stared at it,
for far too long,
expecting an answer,
but nothing comes.
We talk every day,
so maybe i'm overreacting,
but the next day,
you barely talked,
I feel like I did something wrong.
And today again,
you barely talked,
but you seemed a bit more,
like yourself.
I'm confused,
what just happened?
you just seemed to stop,
like I wasn't worth your time.
and I feel like I was stabbed,
with a cruel sharp knife,
and I think I will die inside.
Cause you just don't seem
to care anymore,
when you did before,
and now you have me,
all confused.

I looked in the mirror today,
and I saw the door behind me.
I stared at that door,
confused.
I had closed it,
but now it's open.
I don't want people to see
my past.
I got up
and shut the door,
cutting myself off
from suppressed memories
that threaten to spill
out of me.
I looked back to the mirror.
I looked at myself.
My face had lost the little kid look,
and my features were more prominent.
I looked at my eyes,
and they haven't changed.
They're still the same hazel
that always lean towards blue.
They remind me of the little girl,
I once was.
Well i'm not that little girl anymore,
I got older,
and my past shouldn't bother me,
it's a lesson,
not a regret.
So why do I think it is?
Why can't I learn from it?
I stared in the mirror,
until my mind swirled with memories,
and my eyes filled with tears.
But I refuse to cry,
no more tears,
the past is the past
and I should just let it be.
There's no point in crying over it
if it's already done.
I got older,
and I need move on
into a new stage of my life,
and say goodbye
to the little girl I used to be.

An empty field spread out before you.
remember the time when you came here last,
with your daughter?
It was beautiful.
She was only five.
But you must remember that lovely day.
Now ten years have passed,
and you're back again.
You walked down the path
to a garden in the middle,
fenced off to the world.
The wind seemed to whisper
"Remember Me?"
Goosebumps appeared,
and you shivered.
You saw the stone.
What happened here?
Do you remember?
The sky started to change
to angry dark clouds,
and thunder echoed so loud
you could hardly hear,
but the wind was louder.
So much louder,
and a voice kept crying to you,
"Remember Me?"
"We played together,
in this very spot."
"Daddy do you remember?"
You forced your head to look for the voice,
nothing.
No one was there.
You looked at the stone,
and crouched before it.
One name was carved deep
into the perfect marble stone,
and your heart wrenched with grief.
"Remember Me?"
the voice kept saying.
That sweet childish voice,
dancing in your ears.
But the owner of that voice,
is under the ground.
Never coming up again,
never playing with you again.
As the sky opened up
and the rain started to fall,
You whispered to the sweet voice
"I remember."

A long, dark, winding road,
at night's darkest hour,
this was her safe haven,
it was her perfect flower.

Slowly, on tip toes,
she dances in the middle,
with intricate footsteps,
creating her own riddle.

This peaceful scene,
quickly turns rigid,
as lights fly down the road,
and the body goes limp, and frigid.

Her vision goes blurry,
and her heart goes still,
her perfect flower,
certainly can ****.

Lights fly along,
a long, dark, winding road,
and her story is shared,
so she never grows old.

My friend,
or so I thought.
Something great happened to me,
and she snaps
like im not allowed
to be happy.
What is wrong,
with my circle of friends.
We got rid of one,
that killed us
but now there's another
who just hates me.
Why is that,
I constantly ask.
Nobody believes me,
no one at all
and all of my friends
just love her.
But then I realized,
Why does it matter.
She shouldn't matter,
not at all
shes not happy for me,
so why should I
be happy for her?

I think my life is ending
For i feel like i am done
But my head is constantly yelling
That i have not yet won

My entire life seems to be
So difficult, and unsure
But a little boy once smiled at me
And told me were all pure

I think my life is starting
For i feel like i am one
And seeing that little boy keep smiling
Makes me think we all have won

"I'm tired."
Whispered the moon,
her glow seemed to change,
to a ****** red.
"Come back!"
The ocean cried,
but the moon was fading,
and the ocean felt weak.
The wind sighed,
for the weary moon,
and trees bowed their heads.
"What's happening!"
A voice cried,
As the world was bathed
in an eerie red light,
the moon promised,
one little thing,
"I'll be back soon."

Never have i felt
So much pain
Explosion after explosion
Of pain
My head feels too heavy
For my weary neck
My stomach churns
And i cant eat
or sleep
I cant think
without my mind hurting
Every light now
even at its dmmest
Is too bright
And it hurts
and noise now
Kills me inside
Theres just too much noise
Im so scatter brained
Nothing makes sense
I cant remember anything
And it scares me
I cant do anything
And i hate it
I cant move
Or ill hurt
But i hurt
If i dont move
Torture pure torture
Thats what this is
God help me please
I just dont know
How i will get through this
If im alone
Laying in the darkness and silence
That has become
My only friend

Wind
I have never seen so much wind
Making trees uproot
And branches bow to their superior.
And the rain,
Oh so much rain,
Making rivers burst their banks,
And oceans surpass the dunes.
"Dear God, please keep us safe!"
A woman cries from inside a dark house.
As lightning strikes all around,
With the endless rain,
Flooding the house,
And the wind defacing the outside.
And we all wonder,
Why Mother Nature?
Why?
And a woman cries out again,
As the flood water is rising,
And the wind tears down the trees
The silent cry of
"Dear God help me!"
Could be heard
Through the darkest night.

Every emotion is clearly displayed
No matter how hard you try to mask it.
You don’t understand,
You can’t lie, and if you do,
Then why should I trust you.
Tell me why!
How long do you plan,
To lie to me?
keep secrets?
Play games?
How long will I put up with it all.
No more!
I’m done!
Please just leave me alone
Take your overwhelming force away.
If you come back, I swear,
There won’t be a cliff high enough for you to fall from,
To amount to the pain you have caused me.
Oh God help me,
I can’t stand her anymore!
She is the Devil,
That chose to hurt me.
Her secrets ****.
And I have never felt so betrayed
In my entire life.
In this web of lies
that encases this very companionship
that I have once felt,
and turns it into
a smoldering mess,
of secrets.
in their piles,
and piles,
of lies.