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Tatiana Aug 2014
Hello sadness,
that comes and flows
like dark waters
full of rip tides.

I'm worlds away
drowning in the waters,
that are deep and churning,
i'm struggling to come back up.

I see the light that is the surface,
the only thing that keeps me swimming,
instead of sinking to the bottom,
like a rock.

A rock that has been carelessly thrown into the water,
never looked at,
never discovering the crystals within,
for they wouldn't rub away the dirt.

It's the light that's inside that pushes me upwards,
it prevents me from drowning.
It's the light on the surface that is my goal.
It's the light that gives me hope.

And hope makes me float.

I break free of the waters that held me back
and I want to join the light
as it dances on the surface,
asking me to dance with it.

Now I dance above the waters
that wanted to drown me.
But they are still there,
never leaving.

The waters won't leave me,
they're just waiting for me
to fall into their grip.
Their cold, tight grip.

But to me, it's okay.

For if there is one thing I learned,
is that if there is light dancing above the water,
I should swim upwards,
and join it.

For hope will always keep me afloat,
*even in the darkest waters.
I started this poem in the month of May. The only thing I had was the very first line, "Hello sadness" I have been reading through some poems lately and I noticed Timothy's poem "Depression" and I went straight to these two words and I just wrote. It's interesting what inspires you sometimes... Anyways, here is the poem that inspired me, http://hellopoetry.com/poem/816288/depression/ and I would like to say this to Timothy: Thank you for being an inspiration and a wonderful person to talk to whether it be about poetry or about problems. I hope that you're bout of depression passes quickly and I hope that maybe this poem shines a little bit of light on you and encourages you to dance with the light again. :) I also would like to say to the rest of you're little family: Hilda and Marian, you are wonderful people and I wish the same for the both of you, that you always continue to dance in the light and hang on to the hope and the happiness that is in your lives. :) For all three of you are a huge inspiration to me.
And to everyone else that reads my poems: You are all inspirations too, for if it wasn't for any of you, I wouldn't have kept writing, and on that note... You all will have to get used to me again because I'm back and I don't plan on going anywhere soon. :p <3
  Aug 2014 Tatiana
Herman Nucleosis
Coffee tables and dinosaurs
Let her dream, let her sleep
What is a child that cannot weep

Russian dolls, broken glass
Let her think, let her lie
What is a child that cannot cry

Dusty windows and toy cars
Let her ask, let her fear
What is a child that sheds no tears

Her inner wars are buried deep
That is a child that cannot weep

Alone, she learns to wipe her eyes
That is a child that cannot cry

Heart is empty, face is clear
That is a child that has no tears
Tatiana Aug 2014
When you look to the sky
on one of the darkest nights
what are your thoughts?
How do you feel on the inside?

You can't even imagine the destruction that's around you.

Houses are destroyed,
by strong winds that never stop,
by rain that continued to pour,
all through the day,
and all through the night.
Thunder had crashed,
and lightning struck the earth,
burning it on contact
and setting fire to the trees.

It was a whirlwind of devastation,
and it tore everything apart.
Now you're separated from everyone.
You're laying on a tree
that is burnt black,
and is decaying on the ground.

You only want to look at the sky,
the only thing that appears untouched.
It's beautiful,
it's at peace.
And you find yourself wanting to speak.

At first it is soft,
an isolated sound of innocence
in the corrupted world around you.
We

Then it becomes louder
filled with pain and experience,
the evidence surrounds you.
Live

Then you scream it to the sky,
full of rage,
pain,
and regret.
The emotions you feel have drowned you.
Here!

And then once more
you're voice quiets down.
The storm has passed on
and you will as well.
You take a breath as the world goes dark.
*We lived here
Tatiana Jul 2014
She walked inside a dazzling white room,
unsure of how she got there.
In front of her sat
a small, black, table.
It's bold contrast
made the room seem less blinding.
On top of that table
stood a golden contraption.
Filled with stunning white sand.
It was beautiful and unique,
yet she did not know it controlled
something so important.
That beautiful thing
was an hour glass,
it was her hour glass,
and she saw how long she had.
She watched as the sand dropped slowly
into the bottom.
She believed she had much time
to achieve all she wanted.
Just as she was about to leave the white room
the sand started to fall faster
and her heart dropped.
The pile of sand at the bottom
became larger,
and there was less at the top.
Each single grain of sand that fell
struck a chord so deep within her soul,
that she flinched,
as if the fangs of lost time sunk into her skin.
The pure, white sand,
that seemed so beautiful,
turned brown as it decayed.
The white walls lost their shine,
and they they became a dingy yellow
as they crumbled to the floor.
She looked at her hands,
they were covered in wrinkles,
and brittle like dead branches during winter
laden with heavy snow,
threatening to crack,
and fall to the ground.
She placed a weak hand on her face,
to feel the grooves on her forehead,
that would never relax.
The small wooden table started to fall apart,
but the hour glass stayed golden and upright.
Nothing was going to stop time.
She walked painfully slow
towards the hour glass,
she tried to turn it around
but it was stuck.
She watched as the sand dwindled to almost nothing.
Rage blazed in her heart,
she could not afford to die now,
there was too much that she would lose.
She grabbed a piece of the now broken table,
it was once as bold as she was,
and now it was a withering mess
of dark splinters.
She gripped the piece
and she smashed the hour glass
into little fragments,
that glittered all over the floor.
Time had frozen.
The last grain of sand was floating in mid air
above the pile of lost time.
She breathed a sigh of relief.
She knew that this couldn't be her end,
it had to be destroyed
so she could live,
maybe even forever.
She turned and started to walk away,
but she didn't notice
that the one, brown piece of sand
fell slowly to the bottom
and landed gently on the pile.
She fell to the floor
as agony consumed her.
The light slowly faded from her eyes
and she lay there in the dingy, withering room,
her mind no longer connected
to her cold body.

Time is the only constant.
Breaking the hour glass would never change that.
Tatiana Jul 2014
I'm not sure what's more painful
the fact that someone is struggling to live
or watching them as they slowly die
knowing that there is nothing you can do.

What does it feel like when you die?
Is it scary?
Is it calming?
Does it feel like black waters ******* you down under,
and pulling you towards a different light and surface?

If there are such things as ghosts,
which I believe there are.
Then that must mean there is some sort of afterlife, right?
Energy can not be created or destroyed,
so where does it go when we die?

What does it mean to die anyway?
I'm still not sure if I know the reason.
Is it a great sacrifice for a cause that we yet do not know
is it a symbol that makes us remember what we hold dear to us?

Or is it much darker than that?
Could it be a way to suffocate us
in the quicksand that is the hour glass of our lives?
Crushing us as we squeeze through the narrow center
and causing our life to be put on hold.
For we can not move forwards,
we can not move at all.

How could something so inevitable
still be a huge mystery?
It's like the one locked door
that every child avoids
until one kid somehow opens it.
All the adults will call him foolish,
but he is brave.

Is it wrong to want to understand the unknown?
Is it wrong to want some answers?
Well I know it isn't wrong,
I just wish I could do something.
But I can't.
Now i'm helpless
and constantly failing.

All I got out of these questions,
my experiences is,
I just know better than most
that some things are better left a mystery.

One must discover it on their own
to ever truly comprehend it.
Tatiana Jul 2014
Two little horses
one the color of chestnuts,
and the other was as white as snow
saw a lifetime of change.

They saw an escape from their country
in order to achieve freedom,
the freedom that they so desperately desired.

A chance to run free
and feel their legs move ,
and no longer be stiff and unmovable.
They wanted to feel the wind,
breathe the air,
eat the lush green grass.
But they couldn't,
for they were only figurines.

They sat above a fireplace
in foreign lands
during a time of war.
They saw the bombings that broke their legs
and their hearts.
But they were glued back together constantly,
by the love of a girl.

She was only sixteen,
just reaching her prime,
but sounds of gunshots filled the air,
and riddled her with strife.
Her only happiness were the two horses,
and if those were broken,
she would be too.

She clung to them for many years,
too many to count,
and now the little girl is old.
Her hair was no longer blonde
but it was now the color of ash,
her skin lost it's healthy hue
and was replaced with the pale whiteness of the moon.

The two horses watched her grow up,
they played with her
they made her feel safe
and in return she loved them.
She made them feel as if they were alive.
But the sand in the hourglass was always falling
and nothing was changing that.

The horses watched the old woman,
the war no longer troubled her,
it was the illness that controlled her humble life.
Sickness overtakes
the ones who savored every moment.
Disease pities no one,
it just destroys the good.

She has numbered days,
and only God knows when it is time.
But we're all left waiting,
unsure of when the clock will strike the hour of death.
Uncertain of when the hour glass runs out.
The little pieces of sand seem to fall faster
and the clock is so loud.

The two horses can't bear to see it.
She loved them,
and she's fading,
and they are left behind.
If they broke,
then she suffered.
But if she disappears,
then the horses will fade away as well.

The two little figurines sat above the fireplace,
staring at an empty house.
She had left them with only a few words.
"You'll love her, and she'll love you. Just like I did."
and she walked out the door and closed it behind her,
for the last time.

The two horses waited
but she never returned.
The door opened one day,
and the horses were excited,
as the light from the outside world
illuminated the rooms.
Bringing a sense of hope to their dismal existence.
But it wasn't her.

Some other woman came and scooped up the horses.
They were shocked.
They were leaving their home,
they were waiting for the old woman to come back,
but she wasn't,
and they were forced to leave.

Jostled around in a small box,
they feared where they were going.
She left them alone,
and she won't come back for them.
They felt betrayed,
forgotten,
unloved.

The box opened and the light shown through again.
But it did not bring the same hope,
their hope was crushed by the blinding light.
The two horses were taken out,
and placed into the hands
of a seventeen year old girl.

She was gentle and careful,
she held the horses lovingly,
and regarded them with respect.
She murmured to them as she walked up the stairs
and she placed them on their own special shelf.

She whispered to them lovingly,
"I'll do my best to care for you two and love you two,
as much as my Grandmother did.
I promise."

Then the two horses hoped,
that maybe their hearts would be glued back together,
with the new love,
that was the same
as the little girl that they first knew.
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