Pain hits home hard this year,
and it's hard to spread that holiday cheer.
Especially when death takes hold,
of lives we swore would never grow old.

It's hard to imagine someone full of life
a couple days ago,
could be gone and leave us in strife
and how it happened, we do not know.

His grandsons are too young to remember,
and it will always seem like December.
The December without the same cheer,
is what I fear.

He was only 57
he was quick with a joke and a story,
How can someone full of life be sent to heaven
and become a part of our family history.

I heard the news today,
of how he died and it's not okay.
My last words to him were 'Merry Christmas, and a happy New Year'
and I gave him a hug and he smiled from ear to ear.

His last words to me were
"Merry Christmas, and a happy New Year. Safe home, i'll see you next year."
The thing is I won't see him.
He was my nephews grandpa, and I knew him for several years.

It's just hard to accept that someone is gone.

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
The little dog laughed,
"Jack, jump over the candlestick."
Along came a spider,
the cat and the fiddle,
who sat down beside her
and frightened Miss Muffet away.

"Hey, ******, ******!"
"Yes sir, yes sir."

Jack be nimble
Who lives down the lane.

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Mama's going to buy you a diamond ring,
and one for the little boy
who lives in Drury Lane.
All the king's horses and all the king's men;
To see such sport,
don't say a word.

"Have you any wool?"
"Do you know the Muffin Man?"
"Three bags full."

And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Jack, be quick,
Mama's going to buy you a looking glass.

One for the master,
Mama's going to buy you a mockingbird.  
One for the dame,
Mama's going to buy you a billy goat.

Jack jumped high
The cow jumped over the moon.
Jack jumped low
And the dish ran away with the spoon.
Jack be nimble,
Mama's going to buy you a cart and bull.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Jack jumped over and burned his toe.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
And if that horse and cart fall down,
Hush, little baby,
one little Indian boy
couldn't put Humpty together again.

And if that mockingbird won't sing,
ring a ring o' roses,
and if that looking glass gets broke,
you'll still be the sweetest.

Tom, Tom, the piper's son,
did you ever see such a sight in your life,
as three blind mice
stole a pig, and away did run.

And if that billy goat won't pull
a dog named Rover,
see how they run,
they all ran after the farmer's wife,
and Tom was beat.

And if that cart and bull turn over,
and the pig was eat,
and Tom went crying,
Mama's going to buy you
A pocketful of posies.
And if that dog named Rover won't bark
down the street,
One little, two little, three little Indians,
Mama's going to buy you a horse and cart.
Much wants more, and loses all,
little baby in town.
Three blind mice,
who cut off their tails with a carving knife,
see how they run.
We all fall down.

A dark river
at night,
how beautiful.

The treacherous rapids,
and stretches of gentle water,
that never last.

Even the river ends,
spilling out into a lake
or an ocean,
or even another river.

Some rivers are underground.

Those are the darkest rivers,
one hopes they can cross when the time comes.

But from this position,
on top of a small pile of rocks,
in the gentle stretch of the river,
there are rapids ahead,
another battle to be fought.

But beyond the churning water,
is this mist.

It sparkles,
it's so beautiful,
it feels safe,
but it's unknown.

And if the battle is won,
i'll be lost in that sparkling mist,
that hides all shadows.

When the sun rises
and the mist fades away,
will I fade as well?

Or, when the mist fades
will it clear my vision?
...
But I have to leave my island
and fight those dark, churning waters
first.

Then I'll know for sure.

It looks like you're stuck
in a little box of Hell.
Emotional Hell.
The worst kind.
It makes everything else hurt so much more,
everything is just even more real than before.
It's like you're trapped,
in your box,
that's closed tight,
and will be buried,
and you'll be six feet under
with emotional Hell.
You'll wonder to yourself,
how on earth did you get here,
why in the **** world are you in this mess,
and why does everything and everyone hurt so much.
Then your own head doesn't help you,
because then you start to think of everything you've done wrong,
everything you ******* up accidentally or on purpose.
You'll imagine you deserve this ******* Hell
when you don't.
You do not deserve this,
you are better than this.
Kick and scream
fight your way out.
Don't you ever let this trapped feeling win,
don't let it take you to emotional Hell.
Head up and push on,
knock down those strict walls,
you can do it,
you are so much stronger than you think,
you are so much better than you think.
It'll all come to an end,
and your walls will be knocked down,
and you can be you again.
You had to grow up too soon,
you had felt the wrath of uncontrollable emotions.
But you are not alone,
I was there too.
But I got out,
and so can you.