I saw a picture today,
of a face I recognized,
but couldn't put a name to.
It was a picture of a man,
standing next to my father,
this man was old,
his face had countless wrinkles,
and deep laugh lines,
his eyes were grey blue,
a sparkling grey blue,
full of wisdom,
and happiness.
My dads eyes matched his.
Their faces had the same shape,
and their built was the
same,
everything about them,
was the same,
except one was old,
and one was young.
And then I saw the old man's
hat,
the hat was from
being in the airforce,
and then I realized,
why their eyes were the same color,
I looked in the mirror,
and my eyes,
were grey blue,
I looked at the hat,
and ran to my closet,
I pulled out the hat,
so old,
and worn down,
with age.
I stared at it,
and my heart tore in two,
I can't believe I forgot,
it was you Grandpa,
it was you,
in the picture,
and I didn't realize it was you.
It's been so long since you passed,
but every time I think of you,
its like the wound opens up,
again,
and my tears,
are the blood,
that seeps out,
of the wound,
flowing rapidly,
with no signs of stopping.
Till I feel i'll bleed out,
and die,
and then join you,
but I know you want me,
here,
on earth,
or you would have come for me,
by now.
Oh Grandpa,
why did you have to go?

Sometimes,
my mind creates,
a giant fortress,
that my conscience,
can't break,
no matter how hard I try,
it's impenetrable,
nothing goes in,
and most certainly,
nothing comes out .

"I had dreams"
this phrase scares me,
because its always,
the pretense,
to nightmares.
Horrible nightmares,
of things that
are real,
never fake.
Sometimes I wish,
my dreams,
were of silly things,
like imaginary monsters,
or little,
irrational fears,
but they aren't.
My dreams are filled with horrors done
to people I know,
children I know,
and love,
being abused,
and in my dreams
i'm frozen,
and I can't move.
I'm forced to watch
the little boy and girl,
no more than three years old,
get beaten,
and screamed at,
by an unknown force,
in a dark corner,
in an empty room,
and i'm in the shadows,
watching.
Their screams,
echo in my ears,
terrible screams,
but my mouth is sown shut,
and my eyes,
forced open,
and waking up,
is no relief,
because I know,
that those dreams,
are not to far,
from reality.