I want you to destroy me
because I know you'd enjoy it.

Rip me to shreds because that's what
I'll be if it means you loving me back together again.

And again.

And again.

What we've got is so horrible,
so painful, so honest, such a raw,
destructive, quality to what we call
"us" that it would almost be masochistic to go back.

Our brand of senselessness,
so alluring, and irresistibly passionate.

I cannot fathom the blandness of sanity.

They asked her what she thought about
people who suffer in silence,
longing for each others love.

She said she thought if two people were
destined to be; that their roads would
overlap in the right moment.

He smiled, thinking of her as she spoke.
She smiled at him, as she thought of
someone else.

I couldn't bring myself to tell you this.
It's selfish of me to wish you missed me now.
to wish you’d call me at five in the morning
asking if we could talk for a while.
I don’t want to ruin you this way.
How egotistical of me to wish for  weakness
to destroy you because you let me,
destroy you because you're willing.
And to think I would allow myself to do so
not because I still love you,
only because I can.

Permission to disappear... for a few years?
I ask to be pardoned, while I become a stranger
as I'm so uncomfortable being so ******* familiar.
Let me go, leave me to become a nobody to everyone
In order to become
SOMEONE
to myself.

Interesting
to discover at last that
what you wanted
isn't what you wanted.

And that what you want
is nothing at all.

I think if you asked me
how I felt about you tonight
I find that I'd say that I miss you
and that if you weren't so far away
and instead at my side
I'd refrain from kissing you, despite
the moments of wanting, what's a few
seconds more of longing to build
on mutual electricity?
I find that I'd stare at you awhile.
Because I never want to forget the
soft shade of brown in your eyes.

You’re the wind that plays with my hair,

the loud silence I can never quiet,

the clearest of my truths.

You’re everything I’m not,

and all that I am.

You’re the grace of such turbulent water,

the beauty of unforgiving weather,

the wonders of the unknown,

the advice I never take,

the dream I want to chase,

you’re everything I hate

because you’re all that I want,

and it’s not what I have.