How many pills does it take?
for death to be my fate
this routine
makes me scream
woe is me
but really
woe is me

wake up tired
fight through the day
as if its hard to do nothing
fight these thoughts
die

go to sleep wide awake
thinking still
haunting
another day wasted
sweet coma
come

this routine will be
the end of me
whatever is left of me
what is left?

courage to live
or courage to end it
as if that's ******* brave!
it's weak
but I feel I can't
grow any weaker

I
Can't
          Feel

it's as if
I don't know
any other way to cope
to deal
I just want to
take the blade to my skin

like it solves everything
right?

only a little blood
only a small scar
only a constant reminder
of being ******* WEAK

I'm choking on my own breath
trying to fight this urge

oh God help me

I want to give in so bad
I'm so weak
I'm weak.

I have to hold my heart from coming out of my chest
I need to realize that I can't treat this time like the rest
need to change the patterns and let go of the mess
stitch up the wounds and think about it less
I'm always stepping into puddles that turn as deep as the ocean
always asking myself can others feel deep devotion?
I'm scared but still walking the smallest step at a time
although my emotions fly out without me even trying
always falling so fast and trusting to soon
pushing all away with fear, leaving me to consume
over thinking, over bearing, God, I can't stand my mind
why can't I take breather?, just a minute would be fine
but if I have no hope then I'll awlays be in darkness
And I can't let myself go there again cause I made myself a promise
I just have to keep my head up, even though my heart is on a sleeve
keep a smile, cause if I give up now, when will I ever believe?

ah ****
I'm dreaming again

I should wake up
but it feels so good
hmm.....

always to quickly,
I close my eyes

drunk with emotion
and passion
and hope



don't wake me up.