can you just **** my brains out
and pretend to love me?
I'd greatly appreciate the distraction
the feeling of being wanted
your affection
DEVOUR ME PLEASE
make me feel
anything

anything but this brokeness
this twisted ****

do anything you want to me
just need me
need me
need me
need me

**** the pain away
till I'm numb
till I bleed
till words ceast to exist

cause I can't stand these thoughts
**** me into oblivion

I don't want to care anymore
I don't care anymore

how can you cause me so much pain?
it's almost been a year now
so much has changed
your name rarely passes my lips
but I am always dreaming about you
my last thought of the night
my first thought when I wake

always


you said always..

the weight of my burdens
prayers of them being lifted
the depth of my scars
stories turned into glorification
I am unworthy of your name
I've cursed you and forsaken you
I tried to fight it all on my own
only to be shown this battle
was one of many -
a war against myself
pushing away your open arms
please God
forgive me for being so foolish
I know you can change this
this empty feeling
praise you and your hand
so graciously healing
I am so undeserving
and yet you love me
all of me
the indistinct grey matter of nothing
my dark
and because of you
my light

I do not control my mind

my mind controls me.

I am simply a vessel,
a container for rage
fear
a subject to test

I do not control my mind

my mind controls me.

dive down deeper then deep
fall
fa-fa-fa-fall


embrace the impact

crash of
your body
            and
                   the water
                           the surge of bubbles
                         the mountains of ripples

gulp
gasp
grab for air

the water turns to fire
in your lungs

fading
into the black
of the sea

take me away
tuck me under the grains of sand
burry my soul

the innocence

of the intial jump
the first foot off the ledge