My chest feels heavy
my thoughts cement it
ribs crack lungs punctured
deep breath

my body is swaying
try to walk straight
knees buckle hands shake
another step

eyes sting from salty tears
as I try to wipe them away
mascara runs lips quiver
hold it

I can't sleep till morning
closing eyes but not mind
twist and turn
no dreams

I start to drown from silence
my own words are no comfort
memories feelings
empty myself


quiet.

I don't want you to leave me
but I know the pain is restricting you
and I know all you want is peace
I'm so scared for you to go
but I know you'll always be near
just know the older I got
the more I held your words so dear
I hope when you get to heaven
they have a big ranch in the sky
just like your home in all its glory
but even more with angels by your side
I promise to make you proud
and I know I'll see you again
You weren't just my grandfather
you were also a true friend
and even though you were stubborn
and always had your way
I will always have the greatest love
for you each and every day

word gets around
when you've slept with the town
I can't have the ****** morals
of a man?
she's a *****
how can you name someone
you don't know?

people talk
I just want to be loved
is that so terrible?
that I bring myself down so low
to be with him
them
someone

guess I shouldn't *******
on the first night
gives you the impression
that I'm easy
but I'm just sad
then I hate myself even more
after you finish and I lay there

you should leave
I don't wanna look at you
but don't leave me without
a kiss
don't leave me
please
please
don't leave

I drive you to drink
you drive me to
suicide
thoughts anyway
dramatic right?
you pick the best times
to kick me when I'm
DOWN
you are no wall I can lean on
I ******* despise you
right now anyway
I hate how angry you can make me
I want CONTROL
to control my own pain
I would hurt myself
pain: a distraction from
the pain you caused me
at least I could stop it
make it last
bleed
****
I ******* HATE YOU
I'm crying
I want to scream
I have these dreams of losing control
they have to hold me back
I want to lose all control
this house is not a home
home is me alone
and yet I'm lonely
I can't even keep up
on this energy
to ******* hating you

I am envolped in darkness
currently just I
searching for a dark soul
to join me
he will understand
my desires
my want for pain and love
his views as twisted as mine
understanding the earths flaws
digging at them
scratching
healing over time

I am not naive
but I see good in everybody
I wish
I dream
my heart is on my sleeve
I am alone with the world
with you
I feel you
your thoughts
pain
your energy
it surges through me
it drains me
but I am always open
never closed
I will always help
stranger or friend
I have been broken
but I still trust
too quick but I feel I must
No I am not naive
this world is beautiful
I must believe

Look at me
no really
look.
My eyes are speaking
listen
can't you hear?
I do not want to say
and I don't
my lips do not move
but my eyes
look
they're screaming
can you not see me?