The lonely
That's what I am
That's who I am
That's what we are
Dead
Well
That's what they said

Know where
There is absolutely know where I can go
Without you following me
Without you watching me
I'm never ******* good enough you *****
You want to see everything I do
*******
You want to know everything I think
Get the **** away you ******* *******
Privacy is not it your vocabulary
GET A ******* DICTIONARY

Anything I say
Is wrong
Whatever I do
Is wrong
You want my grades up
But you don't want me to study
You want me to talk more
But only when you feel like listening
You want me to spend time with you
But when I do
You call me selfish, self-centered and lazy
So I stay in my room
And you say I'm isolating my self

You want to know everything I
Post
Tweet
Write
Say
And do
You say it your right
WELL *****
I HAVE RIGHTS TOO

You tell me
I don't have to say 'I love you'
To people I don't love
And yet
You force me to say it to you
Telling me that I in fact DO love you
***** when did I tell you that?

You tell me I can make my own decisions
Do what I want
Because its my own life
But you seem more interested in it
Than I am

I just want you to leave me the **** alone
Please
You create so much pain in my life
And you will forever create more

You don't need to know everything
You CAN'T know everything
And I swear to whatever ******* ****** *** god you believe in
You won't ever know everything

I'm on the highway to Know where
First class ticket in my pocket
And I'm going to go there
Absolutely nowhere

So if you need me
That's where you'll find me
Letting sadness take the lead
Letting fear take the road
With my hand on the blade
Fingers down my throat
Taking the long way
*On the highway to Know where

2 steps forward
4 steps back
All fun and games
Till someone gets hurt
Shall we play a game,
With no return?
Go places we've never been
Who gives a **** if we don't make it?
That's why we do it
Test the limits
Risk it all

Just to see who would care
Just to reassure ourselves
That if we're gone
They would send a prayer

Let's go there
Leave at the crack of dawn
Gone
That's what we'll be
Forever
Gone
Wild
Free
Together
You and I

I hate you most
Always together
That's what we are
They say it's an allusion
All in your head
They drive you crazy
Until your dead
That's were I'm headed
And your coming with me
Because if I'm the car
Then you're the key
So lets go to a new nowhere
Start over until that **** gets to old
And we'll keep going
Just you and me
My *Demon

You did it again
You got in trouble
Because you were desperate
5 years clean
Your streak is now broken
You couldn't stay off the ***
Now you're effecting me
Him
Us
You said you could do it this time
You could be a good mother to him
You ******* up with the first 2
But this one was supposed to be different
You were supposed to do it right
5 years clean
You were 5 years clean

You have a history
You realize that right?
And because you're a liar
Because you're unsafe
Because you're a thief
Because you're a criminal
I can't trust you
And I don't know
If I ever will

Now all your actions
Are coming back to haunt you
But its not just effecting you this time
They effect me
And him

And this is it
Whatever that judge says
Is going to change everything

He may be your son
But my brother
And I'm not going to let you
Ruin his life
I don't want him to grow up
The way I did
Different houses
Different people
Never knowing where you were
And then finding out
Your behind those bars again
Because you were desperate

They may be watching you
But so am I

They say it will help
If you draw a butterfly on your wrist
So you'll stop cutting
Because every time you cut
You **** the butterfly

**Good thing I don't like butterfly's

Please leave me alone
They say the dead don't like to be disturbed

They speak to me at night
Telling me to go with them
Every night they tell me
We'll be happy
Take those pills they say
You'll be free

That's what I want
It's all I want
To be free
I want to escape
Go with them
Maybe I can be happy

But you can't be happy with your Demons
They torture me
Every night
I want them to go away
I want them to leave me alone
They whisper lies every night
But I want them to take me
Far far away

I try and get them out of my head
But the truth is
They are part of me
Woven in my bones
Whispering lies
Telling me stories
Of Wonderland
You're free in Wonderland
They can't hurt you in Wonderland
You can be happy

But will I really be happy?
Just because you can't see the scars
Doesn't mean they aren't there

I want them to leave me alone
But I also want them to stay with me through the night
Whispering to me the stories of
Wonderland

You ran from us
I'm glad you did
Because if I had gotten my hands on you
You would've been dead in 2 seconds flat

You hurt her
I hate why you keep smiling
Why are you smiling
You hurt her
So why do you keep smiling
Your stupid smile isn't going to fix things this time Jeremiah
So stop
Or I can make you stop
Because
If I had gotten to do
What I had wanted to do to you
You would have no reason to smile

You didn't need your own little messenger team
Just because you don't have the ***** to tell her
But you can tell everyone else
"Were not really together"
"Were friends with benefits"
"We were never together"
Then you tell her this
"I'm busy"
Well end it stupid
Don't keep her wondering
If you even think about her anymore

She waited for you
Waited for reassurance
Waited for you to give her the time of day
Waited for you to realize
You are dating
Well... were dating

But Jeremiah
She isn't a dog
She can't keep waiting for you
You need to realize she isn't a toy  
You can't just use her when you want too

Excuses
So many BS excuses
Because for
5 days
You ignored her for 5 days
Making excuses
To save your own ***
But your plan back fired
So who's the idiot now

I hate you
She hates you
We all hate you
Don't talk to me
Don't talk to us
And for the love of god
Never
Ever
Talk to her again
Because I will
Cut off your *****
So you can't ever get what you want

I just want it to be over
I want you out of my life
Out of my mind
Out of my heart

So many lies have happened because of you
So much trust has been broken because of you
I have been broken because of you
But I have to be honest
I am part of the problem too
I let this happen
For too long
It was too long
I kept it going
Thinking your ambitions would change
Thinking you would love me
Not my body
I was wrong
So very wrong
I gave you what you wanted because I thought it would fix things
I wish this never happened
I wish I listened to everyone
And now
I get to face the consequences
So thank you
For ******* up my life even more

I just want it to be over
I. Want. It. To. Be. Over.
I'm scared
So scared
But it's my fault
So do I have a right to be scared?
I should
But I guess I can't
I let it go on
But it's done now
So
Please...

Just be over

I'm not stupid
So don't treat me like I am
Did you ever take into consideration that
Maybe I'm in this class again because
I want to see how much I can improve
See how high I can shoot
Not because I need to be

"You're just full of **** and hate"
Well you're full of... Finish the sentence
"I'm talking this slow so you can understand me"
I'm not a 5 year old
Yeah I admit I can be pissy
But I'm a girl
It's what we do
I don't need you
To spoon feed me
And wipe my *** for me
I can do things myself
So please
Leave me alone
Last time I checked
I didn't ask you for your help

Never underestimate me
Never doubt me
And Never Ever
Call me stupid again

I never wanted this to happen
But you
You just couldn't keep your impure thoughts to yourself
I know what you want to do to me
But frankly
It's a one way feeling
And its sad
How the only way I could get you to stop
Was to give you what you wanted
Step by step instructions
On what I "wanted" to do to you
All lies
Its all lies
I don't want to do anything to you except get away from you
I used to love you
I used to care about you
But when I look at what you've done for me
I realize
Your just a boy
Who wants use a girl
Not to get love
That's the last thing on your mind
You want something else
Something I don't want to give you
So you keep pushing me

I want you to realize
You talk about my body more
Then you say you love me
Now that's sick
That's just sick
You use me
Exploit me
Break me

I don't love you
And I know for a fact you don't love me
Your a sick twisted boy
A child
A not adult young man as my dad would say
My parents hate me
Because of you
Because of you
I hate myself

So don't say you love me
Because your I love you's
Are just BS

Can't you just accept me as I am
Stop trying to change me
Because it doesn't work
Don't say you love me
And then ask me to change myself
Just to please you
It's past the point of hurting me
Now its just ******* annoying
I don't really have much to say anymore
I'm just tired of it
Really. *******. Tired.
I just want you to listen for once
Not talk
Could you do that for me?
Because if you can't
Then I'll be saying goodbye real soon
And for the first time
I won't be coming back

When I was little
All I wanted to be was a
Singer
Not a *Binge Eater.

Honestly
I'm back to square one
I tried to avoid it
I tried to fix it
I'm done talking to people who say they can help me
It just makes it worse
And it's not even a matter of if I should take the pills
It's a matter of when I take them

If only I had a handful of pills right now
To take me to...
*Wonderland

Once upon a time
There was a boy
A stupid, messed up boy
A boy
Who's mom thought the pipe was more important
Then her own kids
Who believed in drinking away the pain
While watching the Sunday game
But we didn't have a tv
So she left us
Every Sunday
To watch the game
With her next customer
Use the money on coke
Instead of food
Taught her children that love is *******
And were all destined to fail
And this boy
Lived his life
Learning from her
Thinking its ok to do something
If you really want it

So it was ok for this boy to use me
Because he really wanted it?
It was ok for this boy to let his friends touch me
Because he needed to pay his debt?
It was ok for him to break my innocence
Because he was broken?
That was ok?
I was his flesh and blood
And yet
He was
Using me
Bruising me
Selling me
Telling me this is how life works
So young
I was so young
And yet
So broken

She lived in the shadow of a lonely girl
Her cry's were so quiet
They didn't hear a sound
Always talking but was never heard

You could catch it if you looked in her eye
I knew she was brave but it was trapped inside
So scared to talk but she didn't know why

Wish I knew back then,
What I know now
Wish I could somehow
Go back in time
And listen to my own advice,

I would tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out,
Talk a bit louder, be a little prouder
Tell her she's beautiful, wonderful
Everything she doesn't see
Little Me

But hands on the clock only turn one way,
And now that girl is gone
And here I am
Broken
Beaten
Bruised
Dead
And it's to late to be saved

I guess I'm the one who set the tone
I have to stop that
Fight back
You're not getting away with that
You think you just get to leave
While I'm the broken one sitting at home

Oh now you're ringing up my phone
And I want to call back
But I leave it
Because I don't have the time for that

It's so funny how the tables turn
When you're the one that gets to be left alone
Telling me you love me
The next day you leave me
Is that how you think this works?
You get what you want
And then leave
You just leave me

You tell me
"I'll do anything baby"
Yeah sure you will
You'll do anything
To get in my pants
When are you going to learn
To be a man
Not a ****

And my friends tell me
You need to go forget that boy
Just forget that boy
You know a bad boy isn't good enough for you
He put those tears in you're eyes
And he says he going to fight
But I never see him fighting for you
You need to realize what you're worth
And maybe you'll see
That he's no good for you

And maybe they are right
You are no good for me
You're like a drug
A curse
Toxic
And I'm addicted
And I have to face the fact
That when I leave
I'll still be broken
I'll still have a little piece of you
Haunting me
*Forever

If any of you feel ugly
Just remember
At least you don't look like me...
Have a nice day

I found out today
That reds my color
Especially when its on my arms
In lines that nobody can see but me
Because
Oh yeah I forgot...
They're not really there
Because I decided a long time ago
That the razor makes more pain
Then what I already go through
So I'll just ******* my way through life
Always in between
Self harm and being ok
You see
What they're missing is the middle
Where's the in between?
Oh yeah thats right
You can't be
Its one or the other
Black or white
There is no in between

So what happens to me?
I just get to suffer
Because who wants to help someone
Who can't make up their mind
So uncertain
That they can't even decide if they want to live or not
No one
No one wants to help them
So no one does
And I do this alone
Just like everything else
Always teetering in between life and death
As if its that hard of a decision...
But it is
They just don't understand...

How am I going to tell you
That everything we have is going to end
I can't
I know it will hurt you
Because it hurts me too
More then when the razor cuts my skin
More then when my brother took everything I had
More then when the person who brought me into this world
Who was supposed to love me
Left me
This hurts more
Because for the first time in my life
I knew you felt the same way I did
But my sweet love
It has to be the end

Just like the movies
When the screen fades to black
And you sit there wanting more
But you can't so you replay the last hour and a half in your mind
So do that
Remember and know that I love you
And I forever will
But we have to stop
Because I've fallen to hard
And I know
You won't be there to catch me
No matter how many time
"I love you" leaves your mouth
You won't be there
Right when I need you most
So be careful what you say
To the next girl you give your love too
Because ultimately that's what will happen
I leave
And you'll find someone new
Someone better

Every things slipping
Right out of my hands
My life
My grades
Everything I ever cared about
Is just slipping and falling
Is it because I held on to tight?
Isn't that what you're supposed to do?
I wanted so desperately
To keep everything the same
While I fell apart
But I realized
When you fall apart
So does everything around you

I never meant to disappoint anyone
Its just who I am
It's just
What I do

So I'm sorry
Because this isn't even the beginning
And everything's about to slip
But I guess it already has
So I'm preparing myself for the shock
Because everything that I worked so hard to keep
Is about to crash and burn

I just wish I could do something right
That I could stop being
A waste of life
Thats what I am
Thats who I am
And thats what I'll forever be
A waste of life
I just take up space
At least thats what I'm told
They say I'm the definition of ugly
That what they say shouldn't hurt me
Because I'm not human
They use me and bruise me
And they don't even know
The torture they cause me
Everyday
Because my smile tells them a different story

In movies
They make death sound so bad
Like its the end
But for me
Its my escape
From all the torture
From all the pain
From all the things that make me wish
I could just slit my throat
And every time
I pick up that razor
Or a hand full of pills
I always stop and wonder
Would it be worth it?
To have it all "end"
For me yes
And I always want to tell myself
It gets better
Or so I've heard
But it doesn't
It can't
And it won't
Because everything they say
Is tattooed on my arm
You just can't see it
Because what I do is different
But that doesn't mean I am different from them
I just have a better way of hiding it
It's all in the smile
Because once they see that
It's a green light from then on
They see it as the "ok"
To call me things
Things that are so minor
But are so major in my life
Those things are what keep me on the edge
Because if they saw
What I really feel
They would be shocked
But is death really the answer?
Yes
For me... It has to be
Because if it isn't
Then what is
Nothing
Death is the only way to escape
I just have to plan when
When to do it
When to leave
Because its forever
But
I already have my answer
So please don't try and stop me
Just give me my space
Because if you ask me why
My answer is...
Everyone

The last tear falls down her face
Swirling on her cheek
As if its happy to be free
But then it drops down
On to her hand
Salt water mixing with blood
... And regret
Because now
She gave up
Its not like the other times though
No no
Because now
*She has the cuts to prove it

4 years with you
4 long years with you
And this is hard
Because what are you supposed to say to someone
Who hates you
Who is dying
Nothing
You can't say anything

So I don't
I won't
I won't cause you anymore pain
Because that's all I do
And since I don't know how long you've got
I'll just sit here
And watch you
*Die

I am stupid
I am ugly
I am dumb
I am fat
I am an embarrassment to society
I am unacceptable
I am a waste of life
I am a blabber mouth
I am horrendous
I am the ugly friend
I am the unwanted student
I am worthless
I am a no good piece of human
I AM NOTHING
Don't tell me this isn't true because you're the reason I'm writing this

Yolo?
**** that!
I'm a cat!
Nine lives, *******!
BEAT THAT!

My smiles are fake, but my tears are real
The pain you make is the only pain I feel
You are my reason, you are my course
You are my razor, you are my force
Because staying with you us drags me through the mud
But it saves me the pain
Of spilling my blood
So go ahead
**** me slowly
But surely
Because I've just bled out
Everything
And I'm done
So ultimately
*I am dead

They wish they could change me
All of them
They all wish I was different
They wish they could lock me away
So all there problems would be solved
Put me on meds
As if that would solve anything
They wish I could just see the "happiness" in my life
What happiness?
What is so happy about a broken girl
Who's mom have her away
Who's father just wanted a one night stand
Not a child
Please tell me
I'm done playing the victim
But thats all I'll ever be
And for the rest of my life
I have to face the fact
That I'm just **unwanted

I heard from a little birdie
That you've been talking about me
When I'm not there to defend myself
You're a sneaky ***** aren't you
What were you trying to do?
What were you trying to achieve

I mean
Please explain to me
What you meant by
"Blabber mouth"
"Annoying"
"Needs to shut up"
Because I'm confused
Now this is the part were you deny it
Say I'm wrong
That what you want anyway
But you see
When you're a *****
You don't win
And you don't get what you want

I'm glad I found out now
Or else things might be worse
Because there are so many things you are
2-faced is just one
And you can say all you want about me
I mean you already do
So go ahead and call me a *****
Thats ok
Because Rae
It takes a *****
To know a *****
*****

I just wish you were here
With me
I wish I could feel your warmth
I wish I could wrap my arms around you
I wish I could kiss you
Because you're mine

You're so sweet
And sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it
Because of all the mistakes I made
And its weird to me
That you love me more
Then I love myself

And our relationship is different from the others
Because
We did it
We make it work
We proved to the world that
If you really love someone
Distance is just another bump

I loved the way you talked
About the most meaningless stuff
But yet it was so meaningful to me
How you wished you had wings
So you could travel
See the world
Live

But love you see
Not all angels have wings

You told me how you were going to take me with you
Show me the world
We would be unstoppable
But life got in the way
And we said it would all work
That we would find a way

But it does get hard
And I do miss you
I miss the way you would poke my cheeks
Even when I told you to stop
I miss the constant teasing
When I tried not to laugh
I miss the way you hugged me
When I had a bad day
I miss the way you said I was beautiful
When I doubted myself
But what I miss the most
Is when you would hold me
And tell me you loved me
Because right then and there
I knew that you will forever and always be
*My angel with no wings

I miss you
There I said it
Those words I promised to keep a secret
Locked away in my heart
Yearning to see the sun
To escape and tell everyone
My deepest secrets
And as I see you with her
Its then when I realize
I was stupid
And wrong
Because I remember
Your kiss
Your soft kiss that made my heart leap
When your soft lips connected with mine
And they danced
Oh they danced
Like two lovers dancing the night away
Because even though they both knew they should leave
They had each other
And that's all that mattered

I stay up at night thinking about the first time
You said you loved me
And I remember
The way your eyes lit up
After you finished forcing the words out
Because even though you meant every word that left your mouth right then and there
You were nervous
And I remember that because
After the words escaped your mouth
You kissed me
But this kiss was different
This kiss was so much more
It meant so much more

And I couldn't help but laugh
When your nervousness got the best of you
And you tripped
And we fell
You on top of me
And I remember this
Because it was then that I knew
You were all I need

And I so desperately wish I could have that back
But I ruined it
I was wrong
It wasn't for the best
I just didn't want to be broken

So now I get to sit here
Watching you be happy with her
Doing everything you did with me
But that's how it works I guess
So I'll just follow along with the script
Because its the only thing I can do
And its all I will do
For the rest of my life
I just have to face the fact
That I am and forever will be
*Heartbroken

You have a way with words my friend
And its more of a curse
Then a gift
Because you make me feel
Like I can conquer the world  
And that's terrible
Do you want to know why?
Because one day
You wont be there
And every little thing you said to me
Every hug
And every kiss
Will just be memories
And the longer this goes on
The more it will hurt
And I know you wont understand now
Nobody does
But you will thank me later

And what hurts the most
Is knowing one day
You'll find someone new
And you'll share your secrets
Your hugs
Your kisses
Your love
And that's what gets me
Because she wont love you like I did
I was there
When you thought know one was
I loved you
When you were alone
I helped you climb the mountain
But she'll be the one to see the view

I guess they were right
You know
When they said
Relationships are draining
But I thought I could handle it
And I was wrong
Oh so wrong

So all that's left is goodbye
And unlike the movies this one is Forever
But don't worry love
You'll find your happy ending
Just not with me
So that's it
Once that word leaves my mouth
It's final
And it kills me to say this
But we both know I have to
So
Goodbye

Once upon a time
There was a girl
She was no different than any other
And if your life moved to fast
Like the rest of the world
You would miss it
Because you have to understand...
This girl had a secret
A dark secret
One she kept hidden away because
She knew if she let it out
It would comeback to haunt her
Like it did

This girl wasn't the prettiest
Or the skinniest
Funniest
Or most popular
And every time she looked in the mirror
She felt like crying
Because the reflection she got
Isn't the one she wanted

This girl
She was to afraid to use the razor
Because she wanted to believe
There was another way
Somehow, someway
That she could let go of her pain
Open up
And let it all go

But she couldn't do that
Couldn't let them see her weak side
They would'nt care anyway
So she had to push it away
Paint that fake smile on every time she walked into that building
That stupid building
With the sign that read:
We are glad to report this is a bully free zone
*******
It's all *******
Because if its not bullying
To crush a girls hopes and dreams every time she opens her mouth...
Then what the hell is it
And if its not bullying
To call a girl
Fat
Ugly
Stupid
Following it up with just kidding
Then what is
Has the definition changed?
Because if it has then tell me
I want to know
So I can tell that girl
That she's fine and needs to get over herself
Just like everyone else
Just like everyone else

So she did
She pushed away her pain
And acted like it was all
"Ok"
But it wasn't
It wasn't ok
And every day of her life
All she wanted was to fit in
To be considered cool
To have one guy look at her and say
She's beautiful
But why would they?
Why should they?
How can any guy love her when she can't even love herself

And so life went on
And she continued to go to the place she feared most
A place where she was judged on something as simple as
The music she listens too
And when she try's to save herself
From there torture
Everyone seems to suddenly disappear
Those people who told her they love her
Aren't there to help her
So she fights her battles alone
But you see
One person can only fight for so long
Before they give up
And it's just a matter of time before
Those words they promise are about that boyband she likes
Those words
Gay
Stupid
Ugly
Retarted
***
Loser
And worthless
They slowly begin to be about her
And they tell her
We like you
You're funny
And yet
When she stands in the line for lunch
And they think she can't hear them
That she's to focused on the food in front of her
The food she's trying to decide to keep down
She can hear them
And it hurts
It ******* I N G hurts
Because its then when she realizes
It's all a joke to them
It's not about the music
No
It's a joke to see who can break her first
But the jokes on them because
She beat you to it
If it was a game
She won
Because the thing is
She's already broken herself
Because its not so much what they say to her
It's what she says to herself
It's the fact that
Every time she looks in a mirror
She see's a worthless *******
A ******* trying to fit in
With works of art
And she can't do it
But she try's it anyway
Wasting her life on people
People who could care less about her
Wasting her life on people who judge her for the music she listens too
Not who she is

But they don't understand
That every time this girl goes home
Every time this girl decides its worth it
To live another day
Its because of that "gay band"
And that "gay band"
That she doesn't even know
Make her feel more loved
Than any person she has ever met in her life
Because when she started to slip
5 pars of hands caught her
5 hero's saved her

So go ahead
Tell her how pathetic that is
I know you want to
But just know
She's walking on thin ice
And anyone of you could be the deciding factor for her
So do it
Test your luck
It's all a game to you
And in all games there's a winner
So
You lose
She lives
You win
You push her over the edge and
She dies

That's twisted and sick you say?
Well that's life
And maybe you should of thought of that
Before you tore her down
All her dreams
Hopes
Everything she is
Its all gone
Because of *you

“Do you think she feels it?
The names we call her
Of course not, why would she
She’s nothing
A nobody
She is nothing
Dead”

But I do
I do feel it
I have the scars to prove it
Everything every one of you has ever said to me
Scared into my wrist
But you don’t care  
Why would you
I am nothing
Just like you said

A worthless girl
Drowning in her pain
Pain that she has carried for too long
But you don’t care
You don’t care that you’re the reason she keeps the razor
For her worst days
When no one listens
When she’s done saying that stupid saying
Those two words
Stay Strong

But the thing is
How can she
How can she stay strong, when she’s B R O K E N
And she can’t be put back together
It’s too late for that
You can’t take it back
Everything you said
You caused this
You’re the reason she’s this way
But you don’t care
It’s “not you’re problem”
Not your fault

So you let it all happen
You watch as her world falls apart for the last time
And you don’t care

But before you know it it’s over
The problem is “Solved”
With a handful of pills
Its over
Like that

And then it hits you
Maybe you should’ve done something
Said something
But you didn't
And now you get to live in regret
Because it’s over

But she was nothing
A no one
A worthless girl
In pain
But it’s all over now
The torture has subsided
And now she’s just another girl
A statistic of how many people “Don’t care”
Because she’s gone

And you did it
And you can sit for the rest of your life
Knowing you killed her
You pushed her over the edge
You can sit, in your guilt and regret
Knowing you’re the reason
She’s dead.