#shouldnt
to live without living
exist, without existing
trying to find excuses
for why you're exhausted
trying to find reasons
for why you're nauseous
it feels like walking upsidedown into a room
full of strangers you once knew yesterday
or like eating fruit over the bathroom sink
it's flavor disappearing as it hits your teeth
a text message or two from a friend
saying words you replied to an hour ago
heavy fur purring on your back, empty
as you lie with your arms around a pillow
the clock reading 9pm, then 3
sitting by an empty pizza box on the table
while eating Chinese takeout you never ordered
but it doesn't hurt
it doesn't even feel disappointing
you watch the rain fall
the rain dry, and the sun set
then a week has passed
all in a minute
of staring at the windows
while the bus rattles forward
and you head waves back
you know that your healthy
you know you're trying your best
but the rattling nothingness
echos in a room full of noise anyway
Apr 10
Apr 10, 2026 at 1:44 AM UTC
Life doesn't apologize
Love won't apologize either
You shouldn't have to apologize.
Oct 28, 2021
Oct 28, 2021 at 9:08 PM UTC
Maybe We lost it
But maybe We didn’t
And I shouldn’t miss u
But I always do what I shouldn’t
Apr 13, 2019
Apr 13, 2019 at 6:31 AM UTC
This Morning... Dripping in a bleeding shadow's clothing
I lost a sense of existence as my gloved covered hands tampered with my phone... time wasting
Leaning against my black, silver chained designed backpack, pressed against a wall
I waited for my professor to come and welcome us in... I was freezing from the cold shoulder of fall
With my classmates quietly surrounding around me... Two sweaty Janitors came walking through
Ignoring their presence, my fingers only continued to twiddle again the screen, "someone is staring at you."
My conscious warned. Frozen, behind my bangs, I cautiously move my pupils up
To catch the left behind Janitor's eyes on me... no one daring to interrupt
His eyes started at my high heel boots, and slowly went up... studying every part of my temple
Trembling, my eyes looked away... pretending I didn't notice such a failing gentlemen example
"Hello?" He said... However, I pretended that I did not his voice
"Hey... Good Morning!" he declared... as if to rejoice.
Very slightly, my eyes purposely hiding, I raised my head to show I have taken notice
"Good Morning," I spoke plainly, to brush him off, but he continued to admire me as if I was HIS Lotus.
" Hey, I can't see your eyes." Anger began to boil... So what?
I wanted my curtain of golden-brown hair to hide these jewels that haven't been cut.
I moved them aside for a split second, to tease this fool..wanted to break his stem
and to reveal a hint of a cursed anger that lied within these gems
"I know" to show that they are hidden with purpose, he reminded me of a ****
But stubborn this man was, he bent down, trying to steal a glimpse
"Come on let me see your face!" He cried like a child
Trying to make thingy spicy, but it was truly nothing more than mild
He took one step closer, his face trying to satisfy those eyes that desired dark beauty
If looks could **** he would already be dead and skinned down to the ****** bone... I'm not your cutie
One step back was the action I took as he saw what pleased him...A beautiful cat
"Now, Why should you hide such a face like that?"
He said with a smirk, trying to sound as if he was the prince for me
Not even my gloves could keep my hands warm after my heart began to freeze
Anger boiled over... knowing he wasn't saying it to be modest or kind
Snapping my backbone in half. feeling like an object... my possession was defined.
"Why shouldn't I?" I spoke with seriousness as dead as the bodies in the grave
The silence was so loud, it deafened everyone around me. My tears swell up with rage
"Tooshay" He said as he chuckled and walked away...
What a coward to give up his argument and fight... but thank God he didn't stay
...He didn't even have a defense to give... it goes to show what he was after
He didn't even try to convince me... His heart was in the wrong place... what a disaster
...I am so disappointed in men... You only see me as an object of abusive pleasure
You think you can have your fun and flirt away... Your foolishness can't be measured
WHY SHOULD I HIDE MY FACE?
LET ME ASK YOU WHY SHOULDN'T I? His time was a waste...
I went to my first class... trembling in disgust...
I'll just continue to hide my face away from all of you... it obvious you men don't know what is true... pure.. or just...
I'm sorry for making such a fuss...
But Seriously...
Why Shouldn't I Hide Such a Face Like This?
10/15/2018
Oct 15, 2018
Oct 15, 2018 at 4:48 PM UTC
You and I
an easiest lie
we shouldn't even try
nothing to justify
we may lie
but cannot deny
we are the one , never to unify
Jul 17, 2017
Jul 17, 2017 at 7:50 AM UTC
It’s the sadness in your eyes that darkens your heart
you were like a piece of art
your white pale skin carried no marks nor wounds
your silky hair and royal navy eyes appeared to be so alluring your suspected you were undesirable
but you were terribly mistaken..
Sunflower
May 23, 2017
May 23, 2017 at 12:16 PM UTC
I found us
And I killed us.
I shouldn't have.
-- Watercolour
Nov 12, 2016
Nov 12, 2016 at 7:31 PM UTC
Punched me in the guts
I know that I can't tell you it
You already know
Saying what ever is on your mind
Is saying what ever just whatever?
I showed you the part
Apart of me
A part of me
Part of me isn't going to be
Because what ever I can be
I will be
But what is a matter? I do not.
Punched me in the guts
I tried to say it
But you could not.
Nov 5, 2016
Nov 5, 2016 at 1:04 AM UTC
How heavy are these words unspoken:
It's almost as if I disregarded
All the weight of the world
Already on my hollowed shoulders
I've found my new hold of home
And despite a pulsing contentment that makes more than sense,
I'm still catching my muffled thoughts
Request your attention;
It's that kind of imagining
That feeds off tunnel vision
And brief but meaningful exchanges
It's that kind of
"Where have you been all my life
and why can't you be a part of it now?"
That performs like automatic transmission
And interprets a second of a glance
As a spark of a chance.
The damage is done, I suppose
Nothing could really burn worse
Than what the flames have already touched
You have your ice princess
With her glistening curls
And bright, beautiful eyes
To cool you down when
Your temper begins to scorch
...
And it isn't me.
How heavy are these words unspoken:
It's almost as if I had disregarded
Any pinch of this mysterious mess that is romance
Counteracts
My sturdy, broad, broad shoulders
May 10, 2016
May 10, 2016 at 8:20 AM UTC
I shouldn’t listen to you
but I am not deaf
I shouldn’t remember you
but you are still here
I shouldn’t look for you
but you are everywhere
I shouldn’t help you
but I am weak
I shouldn’t fall for you
but I have fallen
I shouldn’t see you
but I am not blind
I shouldn’t think about you
but you’re all that’s on my mind
I shouldn’t
I shouldn’t
I shouldn’t
I shouldn’t
I shall
Jun 2, 2015
Jun 2, 2015 at 10:26 AM UTC
I should've seen it coming,
But I didn't when I could've done,
So **** it,
In the deep end I go,
Miscommunicating with everyone all along,
Hearing one thing,
But seeing another.
May 3, 2015
May 3, 2015 at 6:26 PM UTC
I shouldn't miss you
I shouldn't want to pick up the phone and call you
So why does my heart ache
Why do I dwell
I shouldn't miss you
You hurt me almost beyond repair
So why do I miss you
And your gentle touch
And the way you said my name
I shouldn't miss you
Or how you said "I love you" with little hearts
Because in the end you didn't mean it
It was all ********
Yet, I still miss you
Why do I miss you
Aug 1, 2014
Aug 1, 2014 at 7:52 PM UTC
I am happy,
But why is that those tears wont stop falling?
It's the right thing,
But why is that it doesn't feel like so?
I am strong,
But why is it that I need to be strong?
I should not feel this way,
But why is it that my feelings have become so bipolar ?
It's bravery,
But why is it that I feel it's an act of fear instead?
I am not oblivion no more,
But why is it that i feel there is much behind every path?
I fear failure,
But why is that I feel that it is a fear of success?
I should enjoy the moment,
But why is it that my brain cant comprehend to happiness no more?
May 14, 2014
May 14, 2014 at 3:02 PM UTC
The iron drips from my fingers.
The man gives out a yell.
The child launches, she launches at me.
Sadly her launch had failed.
I chuckled at her, with no pity.
Her frightened face, what a laugh.
The person she’s crying for isn't worth dying for.
After all,
he was a bad man.
It’s funny, so funny, funny the fact.
The fact, she thought if she grabbed my neck then,
maybe, just maybe, maybe I’d die.
I laughed again and finally, I gave out a sigh.
“Poor child,” I said my voice left unchanged.
“You misunderstood. I shouldn't be ashamed.
Your idol has done so many bad things,
now he’ll pay for his sins of adultery,
in a place which this blind man cannot see.
She fell to the ground befalling her tears.
This was the end of her happy years.
What? Did she think it was a fairy tale life?
Reality is sharp, just like a knife.
I laughed at the fact I took his life,
with just one swing of my most dull scythe.
May 6, 2014
May 6, 2014 at 1:26 PM UTC
I chose this path
No, no one else did just me
No one else did
So why do I want to blame it on them
I told myself I wouldn't cry
I told myself I shouldn't lie
I told myself these but, I do this anyway
I like to break the boundaries
Skipping stones across a forbidden lake
But I wouldn't listen to myself when I said stop
I grasped my memories; nothing else then I stormed out that door
I want you to believe it was your fault
I wanted you to hate yourself for it
To come to me before I left this door or....
at least to regret it all
But, I couldn't even be honest with myself until it was over.
I wanted so bad
To have some way of knowing you weren't just going to forget
forget about me
But I lied to myself we were never a "we"
It took me forever to realize
You didn't even care
much less remember me
So I take my memories, my blames, tears,and lies and will disappear before your very eyes.
May 6, 2014
May 6, 2014 at 1:18 PM UTC
you're the perfect beat in the song
together, you're knotted with a perfect memory
you're a could have, should have,
you're a wish and a dream
and to trace my fingertips across your skin
feels like heaven and bliss running through me
head to toe, and sometimes at a breaking point
but I'm not even sure if my words mean anything
because we can spend all night, all day, all year
talking. laughing. fighting.
we can spend forever in ecstasy, thinking it'll never end
I will still have my doubts
because you're a couldn't have, shouldn't have
just a wish and another goodbye
Apr 19, 2014
Apr 19, 2014 at 10:53 PM UTC