I should stop writing graffiti
on the shower wall
because it just washes off
when the condensation melts
but the memory stains anyway
maybe I was creative
maybe I was a star in an empty sky
that young little girl held my hand
I loved so hard, but I let it go
so she could paint the path behind me
maybe I was imaginative
maybe I was innocent
that older woman held out her hand
but I walked away
I'm sorry, I really want to be
do I know what for? no
I should stop screaming
into a closed vacuum
because they're watching my words
as my lips purse and my cheeks redden
across the one-sided mirror
maybe I said no
but I really meant maybe
I was someone else
when she hugged my waist
but I pushed her down
a rabbit hole I didn't know was there
I'm sorry, I really am
do I know what for? no.
May 26
May 26, 2026 at 4:09 AM UTC
I stood ten meters up
above the ground
holding my breath
my hand on a branch
I count to nine and stop
a foot over the edge
heart now racing
my hand slipping
I calculate eight times two
it seems a tolerable number
to leave my life on read -
but why do I hesitate?
seven cuts fresh on my wrist
reaching out and down
feeling the cold air
I hope to fall into
I had to be home by six
it was ten minutes to.
I back up away from the edge
my other hand waiting
it takes me five minutes
to clamber down.
tears threaten my eyes.
I'm upset to live
four times four
is how long it takes me
to walk slowly down
asphalt and concrete
I'm home three minutes late
my parents don't see me first
the mirror does instead
my hand on the bandage box
two hours later
I've finished dinner
I want to *****
but I can't be bothered
I can't sleep until one
when she texts me
a paragraph, then another
how she loves me
I'll wait until tomorrow
I'll wait until tomorrow
May 25
May 25, 2026 at 10:25 PM UTC
she whispered at my side
something in my head
but I'm staring into an abyss again
and her face disappears into the wall
Apr 22
Apr 22, 2026 at 10:37 PM UTC
recovery looks like eating burnt toast
with butter and salt
it looks like taking a bath in your clothes
then showering after
it looks like showing up perfectly on time
just to leave early
simply because it feels okay
recovery is strange
it's an attempt made
and attempt failed
and another one to fix it
it's pretending there's nothing to recover from
then falling exhausted against the couch
paralyzed from burnout, motivated by hate
recovery is like using your favorite mug
as a glass of water
it's an attempt made
a strange one
but it simply feels okay
surely that's enough
Apr 22
Apr 22, 2026 at 10:36 PM UTC
nowhere, doctor
I feel fine
l don't know why I'm here
nowhere, doctor
I am bright like the sun
don't ask how I'm here
nowhere, I promise
my feet don't ache
and my back isn't tired
everywhere, doctor
it hurts just to lie
I don't know why I'm here
Apr 10
Apr 10, 2026 at 1:50 AM UTC
it makes a weapon usable
it makes killing harmless
it lets war keep on going
it's a rubber tooth
and it's a unwilling survivor
of many known things
one can grab onto
to steady pain into clean cuts
it makes us stable
it makes killing harmless
it makes danger human
Apr 10
Apr 10, 2026 at 1:46 AM UTC
to live without living
exist, without existing
trying to find excuses
for why you're exhausted
trying to find reasons
for why you're nauseous
it feels like walking upsidedown into a room
full of strangers you once knew yesterday
or like eating fruit over the bathroom sink
it's flavor disappearing as it hits your teeth
a text message or two from a friend
saying words you replied to an hour ago
heavy fur purring on your back, empty
as you lie with your arms around a pillow
the clock reading 9pm, then 3
sitting by an empty pizza box on the table
while eating Chinese takeout you never ordered
but it doesn't hurt
it doesn't even feel disappointing
you watch the rain fall
the rain dry, and the sun set
then a week has passed
all in a minute
of staring at the windows
while the bus rattles forward
and you head waves back
you know that your healthy
you know you're trying your best
but the rattling nothingness
echos in a room full of noise anyway
Apr 10
Apr 10, 2026 at 1:44 AM UTC
can you hear me?
now that I'm quiet again?
I do it over and over
over
come over
please come over
you
in arms
hold you
sleep in arms
let me hold you
let me sleep in arms
please come over
let me hold you
let me sleep in arms
whisper words
through a closed mouth
touch a finger
to my wrist with a feather
give me a reason to stay
stay
come, stay
please come, stay
stay here
while I forget you
the memories etched
in cold, gone, hard
rock that's crumbling
can you see me?
now that the wall is fell?
Mar 26
Mar 26, 2026 at 7:14 PM UTC
they say
"you'll know if you're faking it"
but they don't know
how far I'd go just to lie
Mar 26
Mar 26, 2026 at 7:10 PM UTC
I recall listening to music
as one does, in the shower
I was singing along, when suddenly
I started singing my own song
I told about a dream I never had;
you were standing at a crosswalk
across the road from me
As you stood on the sidewalk,
the man turned green
But as your neighbors disappeared behind me,
you stood there. Staring.
I think you were afraid
Then you looked to your right
and then to your left, then you crossed
that **** road, just to freeze
in the middle, in the middle!
I said I'm scared you'll do it again
and I sung quietly to myself, saying
that even if we don't talk much anymore
anything living is better than being ignored
And I you said that you loved me
but with an emoji. And I cannot tell
if you're serious, lying, or crossing the road.
And I said "no, you" instead because it was true
I love you too
Surely it's, you're okay,
because you said hi the next day
But what confused me, were the words
that spilled after, my hands tugged at my chest
then while while my nails dug at my skin --
I swear it was melodic makeup --
I said I couldn't love you platonically
because I can love you platonically
What a strange thing to say,
especially, when I'm feeling numb,
when I'm still afraid,
when I am broken,
when my ribs beat slower
and my heart breathes less
when I know you couldn't, wouldn't
feel the same
I don't know if I'm bluffing
or if my makeup is my real face
or I was singing a few lies to fill lines
It's weird, now to think about it.
The speaker kept playing music,
three songs to be exact, two of average length.
while I just moved on...
When I clocked back in
You had crossed the yellow breakers
you smiled, tiredly
and brushed my shoulder on your way past
or maybe you gave me a hug?
I think I turned my music off
and stuck a rag up my throat
to stop myself from singing again
Mar 26
Mar 26, 2026 at 7:06 PM UTC