#selfdestructive
You wanted me quiet-
A flicker in the dark,
Something trilling
You wanted a spark
I was your secret,
Easier to keep alone
Because secrets rots,
When kept for too long
You wanted my all, my devotion
You paced around it, like a dare
Like a truth, not to be shared
You don't think I feel,
But it's all I felt
Yet I stayed silent,
I am my own personal hell
I self sabotage
Knowing you wouldn't care
I didn't not want you,
You just wanted-
What can never be fully touched
Never to be fixed,
And never undone.
Jul 5, 2025
Jul 5, 2025 at 4:44 PM UTC
The intrusive thoughts
They call out to me
Whispering
In my ear
To take the axe
And ****** the first person nearby
They consume my brain
Once I pick up a pair
Of scissors
My thoughts
Once full of the intention of cutting up a crocheted pear
Now reduced to one
With the sole intent
To cover myself with super **** scars
They colonize
They mineralize
They reorganize
They way how
My nerves
And brain functions
They tell me
Everything is fine
When I do mere cat scratches
At my thighs and arms
They tell me to do more
And everything will be okay
They tell me
Everything is their fault anyway
They're the reason why I'm doing it
The stings
Fall away
And they keep encouraging
Telling me to try to cut deeper
With a dull blade
The axe
The axe is telling me to release my anger
Onto someone
Someone that deserves
Getting an axe
Thrown at their head
It's telling me
I'm not going to be a danger
To society
Or myself
If I follow
It's command
These thoughts
Are begging to see
Blood
Even though
I'm scared to see
The blood
I'm scared to see the insides of humans
Yet somehow
I manage
To let them see some blood
One way
Or another
From begging for me
To be punching holes
In the walls
To making me want to slit my own throat
And call it a day
They help me
By letting everything go by
They provide me
And help me see
That everything is going to be fine
They remove most of my struggles
And blame it on someone else
They reassure me
Like no one else can
They're like a leech
Yet, I still love them
Mar 31, 2025
Mar 31, 2025 at 2:01 PM UTC
Impure is what she's come to be
Her hands are stained with her own blood
She swallowed the venom you fed her
She grasped it untill her mouth flood
Like a vicious tumor,
She let it invade her body
She tried to numb the pain
Yet her hands were still ******
She let you **** the life out of her veins
And within her ribcage, dig a hole
In which a rotten heart remained,
In the place where there once was
The purest lilly of them all
Now she's just an empty shell
Of a departed soul
Sep 14, 2022
Sep 14, 2022 at 5:40 PM UTC
When I'm left to myself
My wrists tingle
And I vividly see what it would like like
To scratch and scratch,
until blood flowed like a river
To pry my nails from my body,
with a squelching sound
To pull my teeth with pliers,
feeling the roots' empty place
To stab pencils into my thighs,
and leave them in the contracting muscles
To pour acid down my back,
and feel it burning and bubbling and the tissues peeling off
To scoop out my eyes,
and finally be blind to the world,
with crimson tears running down my face
Dec 1, 2021
Dec 1, 2021 at 2:25 PM UTC
Save me from my remnants,
That flake away
From my soul.
Bury me alive,
Away from those
Who draw me in so easily.
An emotional scratching post
To them is all
I ever was,
Reach inside
My hollow chest
And finish what they started,
For I am nothing but a seed
Traversing this
Barren dirt,
Left only to
My dire thoughts,
Taking slowly my life essence.
The clouds, they overcast this
True face with a
Gilded mask,
As I'm left to
Scream beneath it,
Oh, save me from my remnants.
Mar 4, 2021
Mar 4, 2021 at 10:32 PM UTC
i am shattering like glass
as everything around me slips away
reality fragmenting, i reach to grab shards
sharp enough to slit my own wrists
i return to tendencies of self destruction
like returning to an abusive ex
because even when things are bad
there is comfort in the familiarity pain.
— dis(comfort)
Jan 10, 2021
Jan 10, 2021 at 10:57 PM UTC
"WHY THE HELL DO YOU DO THIS?!"
I love it.
I love biteing my bold red, silent white fingertips till they snap off like hot glass, and baby this might scare the **** outta you but I love the feeling of my blood when it melts into the floor, I'm not gonna stop just because your pounding on my door.
The feeling of my heart tearing it apart is the only thing that I feel to live and live to feel.
And no, I don't love you, but I love the feeling you give me when I'm forced to cut my hair because you think it's ******* ugly.
Yeah baby tell me I'm ugly!!
Let's go to the store and i'll walk into the street, to get that half smoked cigarette I saw thrown out of a car window. And you can pull me away but that won't do **** i'll fall into you and we'll both tumble off a bridge.... right into the snow, you saved me you know?
I'll tear out my eyes so I don't have to watch you go.
i love this feeling of sinking in sorrow, as **** spews from my mouth to make Room for tomorrow.
Sit in bed late at night, get bored, start a fight.
Break a window punch a wall just say **** it to it all.
I'll hit my head on the stone till I'm hella ******
When someone tries to help make them hate you till they leave you alone.
I hate me too, yeah its self destructive, but that ***** just what I love so who gives a ****
Oh look, now I'm alone, in the pool at my home, I made of glass on the floor, whail ghosts are pounding on my fuking door
GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THAT DOOR!! LL JUST BLOW THAT **** UP!!!
**** it all, my family,my friends, my school, my love i dont care just **** it all
I JUST WANNA BE ALONE, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE. IN A room full of static that I call my home.
Just leave me alone, I deserve to be alone.
Oct 10, 2020
Oct 10, 2020 at 2:07 PM UTC
Only liars deny the ambition to go fishing
for what they want. The craving, the need, the haunting desires
only places you on a self-destructive and burning pyre.
You yearn for more, twisting on a mission,
wishing for the glistening gold of what you’re owed.
To move, to improve, on your flaunts
for yourself is such an everlearning taunt of wealth.
Well, when your well doesn’t get any higher
and the Sun’s hell ceases to tire,
emptiness befells the commission and buyer.
You’d sire more just to gain more,
but wouldn’t look towards your neighbors implore?
You would even bore through foreign floors
until it's all missing. Toes tucked and turning,
mouth foaming, you're an overzealous fiend for more earnings.
Your hives don’t die and you keep twitching.
Your heart keeps spinning the lies through your sleek grinning
and only the drive to buy is what keeps you alive.
Aug 25, 2020
Aug 25, 2020 at 11:42 AM UTC
I drown myself in alcohol,
So my brain cant think at all.
I wasted most nights all alone.
Searching for a feeling i call my home.
But nothing is mine to own.
They say,
Stop feeling broken and sour.
So i drown myself in pills and liquor,
Cuz for me that's only working cure.
Even the music cant help no more,
Small wooden box, my deathwish, my final decor.
Jun 20, 2020
Jun 20, 2020 at 7:04 AM UTC
Why am I like this
I’m attracted to poison
If it could hurt me, I want it
I’ll crave it
Desire will burn in my veins
Because I need it
Something deadly
Something toxic in my blood
Just... just let me try it...
Mar 24, 2020
Mar 24, 2020 at 2:34 AM UTC
I'm lost inside a labyrinth,
With its ever changing paths.
One minute you're near escaping,
The next it's altered all again.
A never ending nightmare
Thinking it knows what's best for you,
But it's lies are imbedded deep within
And there's nothing more that you can do.
My mind is like a tornado,
Destroying everything in its path.
One day I'm simply surviving
The next, I wish I was dying.
I'm terrified of my mind
For I fear it can make me do.
Self-destructive, hypocrite of pain and love
Beckoning me to hurt once more because that's all I deserve.
Feb 18, 2020
Feb 18, 2020 at 4:06 PM UTC
Haha
There’s no empathy in me
So sweet of you to notice
I don’t ******* care
My heart is a gaping hole
A void you can’t fill
And to feel something
I’ll hurt you
I’ll watch you bleed
To amuse myself
And cut my own skin
To feel something more
Because I’m not a good person
Don’t get me wrong here
I am not okay
And I’ll drag you to Hell
Right along with me
Feb 17, 2020
Feb 17, 2020 at 10:31 PM UTC
I starve myself
Because the intense growl in my stomach
is the only time
something tells me it cares about me
I take freezing showers
that make it hard to breathe
Because it's the only time
I fight to stay alive
I read past conversations
of my heart getting broke
Because it's the only time
I can control when I cry
I fake happiness
for those around me
Because I'd rather hide my pain
than my peers to pretend to care
I isolate myself
from everything
Because it's the only time
that I am the only one who can hurt me
I'm stuck in a depressive paradox;
the only way for me to survive my pain
is to make my own
Sep 11, 2019
Sep 11, 2019 at 4:42 AM UTC
Today I reached for you
With a kind of virtue
And sincerity pressed behind
the design on my lips
Little realizing I was still reviling
Within my current remiss
I went and sinned again darlin'
There's little to do for recompense,
and so cordially I professed to you
all of my candid truths
With every intent
To avoid becoming uncouth
and elusive
Because... I do miss you
And I suppose I well knew...
You don't feel the same
I could feel it the instant you responded
Not the least bit concerned
Which was well deserved
Leaving me completely despondent
I need you to remind me
Just how lost my heart has become
And what that has cost anyone
Trying to reach for me
When I become undone
Somewhere in between
the real desire to reignite whatever fire
had transpired between us
With a new flame
Lay my hidden ulterior motive
Even I believed we would achieve
Something constructive
Yet my devious mind
Deceived even myself
To harness this abject,
self-destructive desire
Call me by my real names:
Heartless.
Narcissist.
Liar.
Coward.
Creep.
Thief of catharsis.
Remind me of the same feeling
Delivered in your own unique way
Because I can't stand
To let myself ever forget again
This pain in my chest
Is everything to remain
It's all I have left
Aug 21, 2019
Aug 21, 2019 at 3:46 PM UTC
everything is so messy,
i feel this aching pain when i'm at home, and when i'm out with friends i feel lonely.
my mind feels like my bedroom, a right off.
sure, you can tell me to clean it and i can try,
i can want to clean it but no matter how many times i shove that ***** laundry back into a pile; and no matter how many times i throw everything out,
it all comes back out sooner than later. i crave a tidy life, i tidy mind and a tidy room, but it's so hard to keep up with.
i would rather let sleep cradle me in it's gentle arms for the rest of the day, and do it tomorrow.
though, tomorrow never comes and thus my room and my mind stay the same.
a vicious, but comforting cycle.
i like it when things stay the same, i like it more than i should.
all i've had my whole life is change,
now i find comfort in static, i find comfort in knowing what's going to happen tomorrow.
i find comfort having routine even though the cycle i'm in is destructive and makes me hate myself, it's hurtfully comforting.
that doesn't make any sense but here's something that might,
feeling something is better than feeling nothing
negative or positive
maybe that's why i stick around you.
you don't help me clean, if anything you make even more of a mess, but that keeps the routine going.
i'll clean tomorrow. then turns into tomorrow. then tomorrow. then tomorrow. then...
Aug 18, 2019
Aug 18, 2019 at 5:50 PM UTC
she had more tears than
she had people to love her
she had more fears than
she had words to describe
she had more weight than
she could carry
Dec 31, 2018
Dec 31, 2018 at 2:36 AM UTC
I feel like a waste of time
My stomach boils with pink pills
Eyelids droop- I pry them open
To drink words I thirst for
Taste worlds I yearn for
Sludge pools in from the bitter thoughts
Soaking soaks- soaking sponges
Run and drain out the membrane
Everything is all too much
I seem to never be good enough
Mar 6, 2019
Mar 6, 2019 at 2:27 AM UTC
self destructive,
I will destroy myself until nothing but a charred carcass is left.
When I stand back up again I burn myself to the ground in a calamitous blaze.
Taking actions that have strings attached, that are just waiting to go up in flames.
But I will keep on going until my fragile marred world built around me implodes.
The shattered shards of my world explode
They cut into my flesh rip it to shreds,
my blood flowing is the only reminder that I am not dead
That I am in fact human
But I don't stop the flow,
it cascades down a formidable waterfall
my destruction is complete.
First of the mind then of the physical form,
For years pain held me deluded
Finally my inevitable cataclysmic end has concluded.
Jan 31, 2019
Jan 31, 2019 at 4:19 AM UTC
As those words ran out of his mouth
Toppling over eachother
She could feel the roof cave in
She saw the walls push toward her
She heard the screams
“Are those mine? His?”
She screamed louder
Felt like crying, but no tears came out
Her rib cage collapsed onto her lungs
The very thing they are meant to protect
The walls and ceiling seemed to disappear
Her vision and hearing went hazy
Until she saw nothing
Heard nothing
She could feel the screams in her throat
No noise came out
At least not one audible to her
She felt him grab her arm
She pushed him off
She tried to yell for him to leave
The whole place collopsed
Leaving her there alone
In the mess she created
Dec 19, 2018
Dec 19, 2018 at 4:04 PM UTC
Constantly being accused that I don’t care
Consistent with my bargain of the deal
What’s with these folks
Up I am and fighting the masses
Struggling with my mind
Is it too much to ask to be and feel appreciated
No one does what they say
But I am to obey
Losing my grip on reality
I am broken from fear and shame
Don’t judge me
I am against pain
And that is beating me
Tearing into my soul
Going on without a thought
I continue to smile behind the mask
Oct 16, 2018
Oct 16, 2018 at 11:56 PM UTC
Closespacesmakeyouanxious
Thesqueezingofmyexpectations
Pressureinmyswingingmoods
Myselfishnessslamsdoors
Myheatshutswindows
I’mverytight,small
Shrinkingismygift
Iadorethatinstinct
Yourescape
Self-survival
Darwinism
Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 11:42 PM UTC