Why do I feel so hurt by this action
What can justify my feelings
At the pit of my stomach I feel ill
Why can’t I turn a blind eye
A taste of youthful lust
Yearning is so overrated
I can barely breathe because of what I saw
I have no right
You deserve to be happy
I enjoy our gatherings
Our secret yearnings through speech
I miss your messy hair and your worried look
I miss your wanting to make me happy in every way
Playfully flirting with quick looks
Orange and white are your favorite color...excuse me sir
God I love how you mess with your hair
Observing every little thing
Nothing will make this easy
When you break away from me
I feel the wall coming up
Disappearing into the sun and ocean
Jan 8, 2020
Jan 8, 2020 at 2:08 AM UTC
Left alone in the dust
They know my secret
Wide open and exposed
They swept me up
No one can understand my sorrow
My continued pain
I love so hard that no one ever comes back for me
Turn around I am screaming
Love me back like I do you
Can’t you see I burn for you
Your passion is fiery
My heart is at a blaze
Can’t you hear my crying
Can’t you see my pain
Too hard to read
Too hard to get
Not enough to forgot where I stand
My pain is never ending
My heart is (forever) broken again
When will it end dear god
When will this end
Why cry for the same person...
May 10, 2019
May 10, 2019 at 9:39 AM UTC
How do you say I love you without words
How do you make that real
Is it the way you look at a person
The way they make you smile
The way you see through them
I am so confused by my ways
I love and then I don’t
I second guess myself in every way
I am wrong then I end up right
I just want to feel justified and loved
I want to feel unharmed by my feelings
I want to just feel
That happy warm feeling that everyone has....I want it too
I want someone to write a song about me
I want to feel pretty, I want to just feel
I feel so empty especially when I hear the same old news
Not harmful but just sad news that shouldn’t be news to me
The same old same old
No feelings of love just the looks, just the yearning
As we both remain silent
Apr 20, 2019
Apr 20, 2019 at 2:52 AM UTC
As I walked over through the piles of people I came close
As I approached the love of my life I touched his back twice to get his attention
Looking to the left I could clearly see the sweat fall off other people
The faces of others.....so happy and drunk with love...literally
Finally, finally he saw me.
With our eyes finally gazing at each other and our hearts beating I felt his warmth as he hugged me
My soul was swept away by his loving eyes
As I began to talk he gazed at me and I spoke about 3 words then he just plunged his lips upon mine
5 seconds felt like eternity for me
It was as if all he wanted was that one last kiss. All he wanted was to feel my lips one last time
As we removed ourselves from each other I was still in his arms gazing up at him as he was looking down at me
I was taken back without a word
I could say nothing but stare up at him
His lip were warm and wet I could feel his spit in my mouth
May sound gross to you but glorious to me
Finally after realizing that we were staring too long he turned his attention to another and that was it
My last dance with my one true love
I don’t think I will ever have a moment like that again
The truth is I realized in that moment I still love him I never stopped
I will never love another like I love him.
Apr 4, 2019
Apr 4, 2019 at 8:59 PM UTC
Disappear on me
Just like the rest
Loyalty put to the test
My mind is blown in several places
My heart pierced into....
Beneath the wind of guiltless nights
She waits in the cold air
Dry with fright
As cold as night
Sitting in that cave alone
Waiting for the day you will go away
Tear drops soaking in the rain
For now the day has returned
Warming her lips
Feeling the love wrap around
One more glimpse curls her lips
The deep sounds of his voice is soothing
Not mistaking these vibrations
Sun goes down in this valley
Unsure again
Waiting for the return or like always
The end
Mar 2, 2019
Mar 2, 2019 at 7:17 AM UTC
Sadness
I feel empty
The tears stream down
Plotting a victory
Nothing seems to take shape
The glass has shattered
My memories bring me guilt and shame
My memories drive my pain away
My memories make me feel awake
My memories forever a good thing
Peachy to the taste
If this makes sense
I have yet to understand true bliss
Love I felt years ago
Reciprocated no more
With a shhh and a blow
Taken away without lifting a finger
This is the most hollow I have felt
1, 2, 3, 4....all have left
Put down with a promise ring
Forever lost in the endless sea
My heart has skipped a beat and flown high
The difference is I am still down on earth
Wishing I could fly
Far from my agony, far from the dust
Nothing seems to matter these days
Why do I have such luck
Waiting for my big break but weighted down
You all see my smiling...inside I frown
I hate the world today
My life isn’t a mess
I just want my brain to take a small rest
I feel empty
The cave is full
My emotions, life, ego
My heart has once again fallen
Not the way you think
I ache with grief regretting my past everything
Feb 17, 2019
Feb 17, 2019 at 6:15 AM UTC
Are you awake??? I feel like I am drowning. I am falling into a pool of tears. My heart feels empty as I write. What it wrong with me? Why do I do this? I am selfish with loneliness. I feel pain all around me. I don't want the pain to shape me. Somehow it seems to win. This pain is fulfilling. Why??? Not even I can explain. When will my tears dry up? I am furious with this out come. I just want to cry night and day. So my flooded pain can dissipate.
Jan 23, 2019
Jan 23, 2019 at 5:56 AM UTC
Today was the first time I came close
I almost ended it in a post
Left to right I feel the fright
My pain is aching
What comes next
Inch by inch I take the test
Reeling with guilt and sorrow
I hate myself
Why can’t I be someone else
My body is a Perfect example of what not to be
Limp here limp there
I am disgusting
I hate myself all the time
Not just today
I want to slice my eyes open
As they don’t even work right
I am a walking disaster with nothing going for myself
I am so over it all
I cannot have what I desire I cannot have what I want
Someone is constantly judging me
With the looks of judgement
I feel condemned
Where is the honor in that
No...not even loyalty wins here
Who the hell is loyal these days
I hate myself
Not just today
Always
Nov 10, 2018
Nov 10, 2018 at 10:31 AM UTC
We have links
Several we want to sever but just can’t
Even though we are breaking inside
The constant reminder of that link being there is calming
A painful calming
Resistant to the thought of loss
Forgetting is too cruel
Why is that so hard
No one wants to disappear
Out of mind anyway
I have links I cannot get rid of
Yearning to rid myself of the guilt
But I ask and ask if I really care about it?
But I do and don’t
My throbbing heart is hurting due to this exhausting reminder
Nov 10, 2018
Nov 10, 2018 at 10:21 AM UTC
I have never been so hesitant to say
“It is over”
Over before it has started
I intentionally make sure my heart is safe
I cover it up with plastic
so much so that it suffocates
Nothing in this world is more painful
Than heartache
It sets the mind back
Twists the soul
Makes you weep til there is nothing left
I have not felt this pain for a long time
Tears fall.....dropping into a pool of sadness.
Ready to give up the load and feel numb
I can’t say I am over this...but honestly I am
I have to be....
For my sanity is slipping.
As I try to run away from this madness they call love.
Oct 31, 2018
Oct 31, 2018 at 11:34 AM UTC