#recovered
She uses very little words
Gently, like a fresh grass lawn
Welcoming her chance
News, from this brittle patient
And so she presents the garden
Allowing my eyes to open
Falling upon ears so tender
She can handle the inflection
Or even surrender before the numbing ordeal
Having not of decision hanging from an ear
My ring is always answered
For she lives on call
The other side of patience
Kind enough to fall
And as I collapse in beautifully chest fallen exhaustion
She awaits, calming any resentment
Commending my continued efforts
Apr 22
Apr 22, 2026 at 5:41 PM UTC
The pain is still there
Sometimes, under the surface
It never quite completely went away
But it is fading.
Sometimes the burning itch
Reappears on the seam
Of my arms
But I tell it I do not need it
Thoughts about my weight
About my face
I cannot escape them
I can correct them
Eventually it fades
I am trying my best
Jun 5, 2021
Jun 5, 2021 at 7:57 PM UTC
Decay in Spring
Bring May flowers
For the showers that have poured
Bring the colors
For the gray can’t happen anymore
The clouds covering the light that sores
Rise the roses covered in thorns
Love sharing the same color as the devils horns
So the beauty in April showers jokes on the May with flowers
•
Spring with flowers on the floor
Stones engraved with rain drops from those that have loved
As the soil folds the soul
The dirt places bouquets for the love to explore
Decay in the Spring blooms recovered colors that the light shall bring
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 10:14 PM UTC
My time has come
My tears are dried
After I cut through
The knot I tied
My time has come
After drowning in pain
I now use the knowledge
That I have gained
My time has come
My eyes are shining
From everywhere around me
My future is signing
My time has come
After being a disguise
My true inner self
Will finally rise
My time has come
I am happy now
Mar 2, 2020
Mar 2, 2020 at 6:52 AM UTC
You're so **** cute when you smile
And I'm so ecstatic you're still living and breathing
That I can touch your warm skin and feel those lips on mine
Those lips that melt my troubles away
That make me crack that awkward yet bubbly smile you love
You've made me see how pretty I am
I can't look away from you
Nobody else catches my attention
Nobody else catches my eye
Makes me as happy as you do
I could write endless stories about you
About the memories we've made
You mean more than life
I've fallen so hard that it's scary
That with just one sentence we could end
But I have trust in you
I know you won't take my glass heart and let it fall to the ground
I know you'll catch me when I fall
I could never look away from you
Jan 31, 2018
Jan 31, 2018 at 10:53 AM UTC
I wanna let you know
that I don't need you no more
That I'm okay
without you
I don't need your chapped lips
scraping against mine
I'm happy
without you
I'm getting by
without you
I don't need your bony fingers
being a trespasser on my body
I just wanted to let you know
I no longer need you
to be able to breathe
Jan 30, 2018
Jan 30, 2018 at 11:05 AM UTC
I won't listen to your words,
I won't conform to your evil curse.
I know better now.
Yes, sometimes I may look at myself,
And not be so proud,
But you don't offer control;
You only take it.
I don't care if you won't leave me alone,
Because I'll get you away from me,
You don't blind me anymore:
I taught myself you're not what I need.
My door won't be darkened by you anymore,
I won't notice your shadow occasionally waiting.
Instead I'll say goodbye again
And I will stay fine without you.
Though you don't deserve another another contribution
This is
Love from,
Me.
Nov 15, 2017
Nov 15, 2017 at 5:07 PM UTC
Sometimes I'm allowed to eat and it not mean anything.
It can just be food,
Not a definition of unhealthy, healthy, too much, too little.
There doesn't have to be laughing voices
Around the corner of my brain.
I can surely watch the TV without feeling guilty.
Not everything needs to be labelled:
Food can simply be consumed without questioning if it is right;
If it's a bad habit, if I should put up a fight; stop right now; or if regret should take the foods empty place on the plate.
Because it can be okay,
Not questioning is supposed to be positive normality
And if it strays, then it will still be all right to realise that whatever has happened is fine.
Oct 12, 2017
Oct 12, 2017 at 12:41 PM UTC
I could starve
But I eat instead.
That is said to be a good thing;
It's important; it's - I'm (supposed to be) worth it;
I hear some people call it recovery.
Secretly all I'm doing is laughing,
But there are other people to be thought of
Who care about this more than me.
That's one of the reasons why I just shut it up and eat,
Because anyway for me
It's easier to do that
Than starve or purge consistently.
I couldn't ever 'recover' anyway,
I have no problem
Because they told me I only
Have eating problems.
That angered me,
No it's fine, because it still rips at me.
You wanna see me be fine?
I'll show you if I continue,
But I couldn't because people were keeping me,
Good girl Chloe
And I still want to be.
That's why it felt so wrong,
But now it's more like nothing
Although it happens less
As I get less chances.
Aug 29, 2017
Aug 29, 2017 at 7:37 PM UTC
I recite the thoughts I pray,
I do so everyday,
Just because I like to think
The others will go away.
I thank the Lord for being healthy,
For my body being capable,
I'm pleased that my system's stable.
This is so the fever of my mind,
Won't persist through till mornings light.
I guess it works every time.
You see I might have caught a glimpse,
Of this girl who was called Mia,
She didn't stay too long though;
They said she was sickness,
And I had to be better.
But sometimes I hear her calling,
Most of the time she's silent,
Although she kindly likes to visit.
She likes to play this game
Of thoughts,
But I know that I'm winning.
She wants me to join her team,
Apparently I can't make up my mind,
Or at least that's as it seems.
I thank the Lord for my good health,
And it's bad to contradict,
When I recite my blessings I remember,
This means I cannot make myself sick.
So next time Mia joins me,
For just a little bit,
I remind her of what I know is right,
Even if she doesn't like it.
I tell myself to remain my state of mind:
That I can't go back there
Not just 'one more time'.
Have you seen this girl called Mia?
If you do, please walk away.
I know that she will beg you,
Tell you she wants to stay.
After a while, you'll have taken the time to see,
That this girl called Mia,
Is not actually all that pretty.
Mar 22, 2017
Mar 22, 2017 at 2:37 PM UTC
It is still haunting me
Refusing to leave
Wanting me to give in
Yet I am too proud to do so
Which just tricks me into
Slavery of feeling like I should
Which rabbit hole will I fall down
This time?
What way am I willing to go?
Nov 27, 2016
Nov 27, 2016 at 5:49 PM UTC
Tomorrow will be sixty three days.
Sixty three days
Of wanting to breathe as deeply as I could.
Of enjoying the feeling
Of the sun on my skin.
Of knowing I'm not horrible.
Tomorrow I will still have
Thirty seven days to go,
Until I get to one hundred.
And now I'm counting down the days,
Until I get to see you.
I only have to go three nights,
Two days,
Until I see you again.
I am so glad
That I made it.
I am so glad
I didn't break.
I am so glad
To enjoy the sound of music again.
I am so happy
To be alive.
Right now I'm crying,
Because it's a beautiful feeling,
Wanting to live
And being in love.
If I can make it passed
All the torment I've made it through,
To get to this,
With you at my side,
I know I can do anything.
Actions speak louder than words.
Let me show you my gratitude and humble pride
Until the day after forever.
Jul 19, 2016
Jul 19, 2016 at 8:02 PM UTC
there was a time,
when dresses were taboo
and shorts stowed away in my closet,
afraid to expose myself.
i used to die in agony,
on a hot summer day,
just to keep covered and
away from prying eyes.
intentionally, sand would
cake my legs and arms,
while others laid in the vast openness
of the beach, begging for the sun
to touch their skin.
there were times i almost felt okay,
to show without barriers,
until i saw the eyes of my love
looking.
and for a split second, i saw
the sadness i caused and the
shifting eyes, wondering if anyone else
can see.
but you kiss each scar, you ask questions,
and you have a wonderlust to
dance over my past and to understand
my journey.
and now, skirts are my favorite things,
and i tell my story in hopes of shaping the lives
of those who have once been in my shoes.
and i'm no longer afraid, to wear my stripes.
May 6, 2016
May 6, 2016 at 10:19 PM UTC
October 19th
That's when I started to hate everything:
My Boyfriend. School. My Family. Myself. My Life.
Things I really cared about before.
But that was before.
Before my schitzo boyfriend became a liar. A cheater.
Before he went from the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with to the man I never wanted to see again.
Before I got to school one day, looked around, and got sick to my stomach.
I realized that the bright, white lights,
cold, white walls
Reminded me of my second home: The Hospital.
The other students resembled the slow "Beep, beep, beep" of the machines I am so familiar with.
The pain I go through everyday...
When I lost hope...
Stopped caring...
Oh, but BEFORE?!
I cared...
Before my mom announced that she was pregnant with my 5th brother, and 6th sibling,
I was excited!
...
Until I realized that I'd have another child to raise.
Well, ****** atleast I'd have help this time.
From the stepdad who doesn't seem to want to stay.
And the brother who refuses to take his medication.
Hard to believe, but BEFORE,...
I cared.
But that was before.
Before everything.
NOW?
I'm done caring.
Because now is now.
Before was just...
Before.
Apr 21, 2015
Apr 21, 2015 at 3:32 PM UTC
To this day I smoke cigarettes in their names
a collection of men
admittedly women
that after settling too long
sit somewhere between memories and strain.
I don't burden myself with the weight of their names
though a few of their impressions have become deepening stains
bruising, blemishing the favorite spots on my brain.
Earliest versions of the story have found personal inches on my skin
before I grew up I learned to let it leak in
sluicing through veins
burning the moments of where I had been
in attempts to remind myself of what remains.
Feb 2, 2015
Feb 2, 2015 at 1:55 AM UTC
Sleeves of scars
and a garter of silver lines and burns
oh the hurt I've endured
Seated by the fire as a child
Lord knows I've had thoughts like this for a while
I'd dwell on the discretion I took
brooding over every hook that snagged my flesh
made a mess
of the little girl I never was
and they who shook me
pet me from the inside out
must have forgotten to what degree
their consumptive hands made me bleed
God how I wish they could see
every stain left with or without cause
was provoked by their nostalgic applause
but I don't even blame them
It was a conscious disease
perniciously eating
still chewing at me.
Dec 29, 2014
Dec 29, 2014 at 1:46 PM UTC
Tell me how your storm goes.
Have you ever suffered?
If so have you gotten better?
Or haven't you recovered.
Jun 29, 2014
Jun 29, 2014 at 12:31 PM UTC
Everyday you raise a hand to my face
These scars are something I cannot erase
My body colored from purple to brown
You beat the soul right out of me, it can no longer be found
I flinch when you raise your arm
This fear you’ve created because of your harm
I can’t just get up and walk away
You told me you’ll **** me if I didn’t stay
Blood has been drawn several times before
That didn’t stop you, it made you want more
I cry every night because of you
For all the pain you’ve put me through
It’s made me into who I am today
For I have recovered from your violent ways
(A. Moreno)
Mar 24, 2014
Mar 24, 2014 at 3:48 PM UTC