#realtionships
You feel for the bad me
The one that smoked , skipped school
Gave up on her dreams
Gave up on herself
It may just be a coincidence
But why leave when I wanna be better ?
Why not stay to see
What I can become
We can become ?
Nov 23, 2024
Nov 23, 2024 at 1:21 PM UTC
i am glad
it didn't work
out with your
past lover so
you could be
forever mine
Jul 10, 2023
Jul 10, 2023 at 6:52 AM UTC
I loved you with all of me and that’s all I could do in the end.
I tried everything I could to make you see my value but you closed your eyes.
So we walked away from each other.
It seemed to be easier for you, as if you weren’t fully there in the first place
While I clung, I clung like I was holding onto a frayed rope
The idea of you, the lifetime I thought we would live together, the future I believed was a reality.
I fell in love with our ideas.
The words we said together through our hot breath.
The sound of the echo of our laughs in a room.
The good times.
I held on to those memories of you even in a **** storm of bad.
For years I called out your name through that same storm
Hoping you would hear my voice and find your way back to me
Believing we would collapse into each other again and everything would be how it was, how you said for so long things would be.
But the thunder was too loud. The clouds covered your face
And the lightening struck the earth hard and severed the ground right between where we stood together.
I loved you like a child loves
Deeply
But doesn’t know how to express.
I loved you with flaws and rough edges and plenty of mistakes
But with kisses and kindness too.
I loved you with poems and songs,
Romance and gestures that were seldom reciprocated.
I felt you on what I believed was a beautifully real level, but it was one sided.
The pain that hides within you I held it and tried to learn how to best kiss it softly.
I understood your intricacies, deeply and tried to sort through the confusion of why you are the way you are. I gave you excuses but I also had expectations.
I tried to be gentle, but I wasn’t always
and for that part of me I apologize.
I am coming to the realization that
A part of me will always be in love with a part of you.
A part of me will always miss the shape of you in my bed and the weight of your hands in mine. How we would giggle like young kids, So in love with love and how you would hold me close in the night.
But I am walking away from the you I thought that you were
And realizing that you weren’t ever really that person to begin with.
I am walking on broken glass away from the idea of us
Every step hurts
But maybe there will be less pain on the other side. Someday.
I still carry the good with me in my pocket
I have to remember you like that too
To remind myself it wasn’t just you,
I was part of the problem too.
Or I won’t be able to make steps away from the same place I’ve been standing in for years.
I have been weighed down by the cinderblock in my throat for as long as I can remember,
The words that never came out
The lead in my feet
My resistance to acknowledge and heal the ugly sharp parts of myself that have cut you.
The weight of the bad
needs to be acknowledged while I hold hands with the good memories too.
that’s the hardest part..
Things were not all bad.
You were not entirely a bad person
nor was I,
There was a time when what we were was beautiful and those versions of us will live in my heart always.
We are just simply two people with
Too much.
Jan 25, 2023
Jan 25, 2023 at 4:21 PM UTC
Sakura
From the purest petal of a Sakura Tree, to the scent of almonds lingering, to the white silky sheets of a bed always slept in. How it was always the salmon sunshine that made her skin glow. With just a single glance, his knees buckled before him, for such warmness thought only to reside in the warmest batches of milk chocolate, held his eyes open. How she was always surprising him just as clocks rang twelve. He could never win such beauty. Then the day came when the Sakura petals would perform their dance just as winds of blowing magic swirled the surrounding melodies. He thought he could never win such beauty. Unbeknownst to him, he’d been secretly holding onto that victory for years….
Ever since the rain fell as thunder rang on that fateful day where he rescued the Sakura.
Jun 2, 2022
Jun 2, 2022 at 2:18 AM UTC
Show me a smile
One from your heart
The same heart that breaks when we were apart
Show me a smile
Give me one of the best
Make me see that you love me, more than the rest
I know it's not easy but we can make it work
Just as long as you
Smile for me
Dec 10, 2020
Dec 10, 2020 at 2:05 PM UTC
hate being alone
and you make me feel at home
tryna find my happiness in this sadness
and thats what just you are.
my happiness ,
and if you were to leave
my world would fold
cave in
Oct 13, 2018
Oct 13, 2018 at 10:58 PM UTC
My favorite bruise belongs to you
A galaxy on my neck
The colors change like northern lights
And while I act differently I do not want
them to fade
I would tattoo my colors
Colors show the world I am taken
Colors show I am willing to give a part of
myself to something bigger
Colors make the world brighter
Northern lights turn even the darkest night
bright
My galaxy will fade
The small colonies created from broken
blood vessels will surely die out like a
plague
Black they called the last
How ironic the darkest color is always the
first to go
--An ode to hickeys
May 31, 2018
May 31, 2018 at 7:08 PM UTC
I am tortured by you.
you and your lack of words
your lack of emotion
With each step you take I fall further behind, and not just because
your stride is bigger than mine
but because you won't talk to me.
The frosted glass window cracks
because you built up the pressure inside
and it builds
and it builds
and maybe you don't even realize the explosion your actions would have
on me.
or lack thereof
because maybe to you, there is no such pressure rising
There is no shrapnel aimed at you
For all I know it's in my head
where cocoons break and butterflies emerge
And the glass keeps cracking
My disjointed mind.
that makes something out of nothing
day in and day out
with every small thing that you do
or don't.
when that frosted glass window to your mind shatters
and the truth comes out
and the pieces embed in my skin
never to come out
Then I'll know it's over.
Dig your frosted claws into me
Rip open my skin
Tear out my heart
It loves too much too easily anyway.
I yet again wasted my butterflies on someone who was
unwilling to give back.
a fate I'm doomed to repeat
Because the butterflies are never satisfied
no matter who they land on
and for all I know it's my fault for breeding those bugs
in the first place.
May 9, 2018
May 9, 2018 at 8:48 PM UTC
I should be saying
That I'm thankful
For every breath I take
But truthfully
I'm not.
Every time I inhale
It's a long draw
Of a cigarette bud
That isn't mine
Forcing me to wheeze
And cough up the venom
That scorches my lungs
I am cursed
With the longing
To breathe fresh air
And rid myself
Of what I've become so attached to
Just because it's not my nicotine
Doesn't mean I'm not addicted to it
Addicted to dying
Addicted to the thrill of wondering
If this will be
My last cough
Quitting isn't my choice
I'm not the one
Who lights up
With shaking fingers
Shielding a flame from the wind
I'm just the one
Who enjoys
The ashtray full of burnt consequences
I don't have the option
To become unattracted
To the white clouds
Floating around your lips
I was already convinced
That following you
Was as good as resting in the sky
Even if my rest
Was on pillows
Made of poison
I can't say I'm thankful
For the intoxicatingly
Toxic air
That you spoon fed me
But I sure am blissful
I'm not stupid enough to think
Thankfulness and blissfulness
Are the same thing
I am smart enough to know
That honestly
I'm no better than you
Even if I wanted to be
You never offered me
My own cigarette to smoke
But standing next to you
I'm as good as dead.
Sep 3, 2017
Sep 3, 2017 at 3:03 PM UTC
I enjoy going to places you have been
I like to think that I'm walking where you did and our feet are touching with every step
People say that I'm like you in many ways
That I don't want to conform to the world
But rather live beside it
That I adventure
Not for the view
But for the message
That I don't know were I'm going
But it looks like I know how to get there
And it only make me wish I knew you
So maybe I could know me
Jul 13, 2015
Jul 13, 2015 at 10:00 PM UTC
I can't breathe
Let me breathe
There isn't air anymore
I can't breathe
No one hears me
I have such soft screams
But I'm still screaming
I'm still a person
I think I should stop
That's my problem
I never know when to stop
Why can't I make decisions
Sure I'll do that since you suggested it
Who am I?
I am the walrus
Yup I'm gone
And it's so late
remember when we use to stay up all night
I think about that all the time
I can't get back on my schedule
I need to just let it go
But I can't
How many sunrises did we watch together
How many cigarettes did we smoke
How much closer were we
to each other
to death
And now I've run out of air
Maybe that's why we didn't sleep
Because we knew our time was numbered
You say you saw this coming
I really didn't to everyone's dismay
I thought I was making a choice
And then I couldn't do it
But I couldn't do it now either
I can't keep jumping person to person
You both should have left
I wanted that
But I'm afraid to be alone
I'm afraid of myself
And I'm afraid of the dark
silence is my biggest fear
And my farthest goal
I miss my clocks
I miss cat
And I miss you
I can't believe I don't remember what you smell like anymore
That's ****** up
Can I smell you
or is that a no
I'm suppose to be learning how to read social cues from people now
I can't only have one emotion they said
More like all of them combined
I think I've lost it
Dude you broke me
But its okay
I like this
Broken means I don't have to worry about breaking
Maybe you were right
It wouldn't be the first time
Jun 13, 2015
Jun 13, 2015 at 11:52 PM UTC
You told me you loved me,
but it was just a lie.
My hands? They shake.
My eyes? They cry.
My heart? It hurts.
I feel empty inside.
My legs? They won't work anymore,
the pain inside is to abide.
My voice is so rusty, I won't speak anymore.
I can't believe you said you won't speak to me,
my heart, it tore.
i miss you.
i miss you.
did i mention?
i miss you.
I miss you..
i miss you
i still miss you.
I miss your hugs.
I miss your kiss,
I miss the way you'd look at me,
everything there is to miss.
I need to stop,
I need it now.
You are just a lier,
now take a bow.
for making me hurt,
for making me cry.
God, I hate you.
Get out, goodbye.
May 12, 2015
May 12, 2015 at 3:59 PM UTC
We may play pretend
Yet feelings change and bend
Sometimes hearts just don't mend
Sep 17, 2014
Sep 17, 2014 at 5:23 AM UTC
As pictures fade and the temperature rises...
Her heart, plays no part
I'm no man of surprises.
Why are you so mesmerizing?
Why can't I shake this temptation?
Why do her grips make me sick?
Why am I suddenly shaking...
Eh
I can see what she feels
I've become her *** appeal
Is love truly real?
Am I just her final meal?
As she cooks up a thought that's unconscious.
She suddenly gets astonished
Men lie, men are deranged
Please, don't dare make a promise.
But baby, can I be honest?
Oh wait,
All men lie..
So let's let lust become a must
Forget that we ever tried.
Mhh
Taste of disaster
Mhh
Hearts moving faster
****
This wasn't part of my plan
Your ego is harsh
Your mind is cluttered
Makes it hard to be your man.
(Piano)
Hard to be your man.
But I do what I can..
I matched your heart with my life
What a perfect blend.
Simple words to describe her
My stomachs become lighter
Flying high, with these butterflies
I think I might...like her.
I Do.
Oct 4, 2014
Oct 4, 2014 at 8:59 PM UTC
Loneliness consumes me though in the kind arms of another
Such a great heart as his suffers at my dead touch.
But every touch brings up in me a shudder
And the image of your face hits away my crutch.
I want to return his light that waits reaching out to me
But only answer with a silent glow of memory.
Souvenirs of you, so oblivious and far at bay
Both caring and not, dancing your life away.
His arms grab mine, trying to shake me awake.
His blue eyes midnight, yours were summer skies
I can’t break away from thoughts of mistakes
And can only stare back, and just apologise.
.
The warmth of your skin, arms rocking me in the night
Block my sight as if engraved onto my eyes
Dancing with you as in a desperate fight
Begging his forgiveness, as life is my disguise.
Sep 16, 2014
Sep 16, 2014 at 12:13 PM UTC
To move on in a week
After two years
Like i never existed
So i ask my walls
As your stand-ins
If you ever miss it
You live across the street
But theres still to much distance
To even speak
I'll change who i am
And hope that the best part of me
Wasn't yours to keep
And be born anew
Here's to the past
And what its taught me
And to all who ask me
"I'm not broken, just bend
I feel empty but im not spent
And someday my body,bed
and heart won't be for rent."
This is to move on.
Sep 7, 2014
Sep 7, 2014 at 10:46 PM UTC
One day I hope
To scream through a hole in the ozone
And hear it hit the empty vacuum of space
To know God isn't there .
I hope to one day
Look at your picture and
see someone I don't know
To find no beauty there.
One day I hope
To look in the mirror
And see my reflection
And not find my father there.
Today I woke up
With a load in my heart
I have carried it for ages
I hope today to let it go.
Sep 7, 2014
Sep 7, 2014 at 2:20 PM UTC
coffee breath
bitter and sweet
lips moving
soft and indiscreet
fingers trembling
inching down my spine
oh my darling
we're gonna be just fine
May 3, 2014
May 3, 2014 at 12:40 PM UTC