recovery is hard
existing is really hard
the fact anyone does it at all
it's a miracle
but existence is resistance
it is resistance to nonexistence which
can actually be incredibly easy
backsliding into old habits is easy
old habits may die hard but
at least they can die
(hard)
recovery is hard
it is not linear
you do not follow a timeline
it is not
first you do this and then you do that
and now it's all better
kiss kiss! goodbye bad days!
recovery is "today is a good day and
i know bad days"
recovery is "today is a bad day but
i've seen so many of those that i know how to navigate it"
recovery is "you have reached your destination"
recovery is "but my destination is actually
three blocks up from here
sorry can you take me three more blocks?"
recovery is "oh no its okay i can walk from here"
recovery is "yes, i'm sure"
Apr 1, 2018
Apr 1, 2018 at 4:28 PM UTC
The photographic chamber of the eye
records bare painted walls, while an electric light
lays the chromium nerves of plumbing raw;
such poverty assaults the ego; caught
naked in the merely actual room,
the stranger in the lavatory mirror
puts on a public grin, repeats our name
but scrupulously reflects the usual terror.
Just how guilty are we when the ceiling
reveals no cracks that can be decoded? when washbowl
maintains it has no more holy calling
than physical ablution, and the towel
dryly disclaims that fierce troll faces lurk
in its explicit folds? or when the window,
blind with steam, will not admit the dark
which shrouds our prospects in ambiguous shadow?
Twenty years ago, the familiar tub
bred an ample batch of omens; but now
water faucets spawn no danger; each crab
and octopus -- scrabbling just beyond the view,
waiting for some accidental break
in ritual, to strike -- is definitely gone;
the authentic sea denies them and will pluck
fantastic flesh down to the honest bone.
We take the plunge; under water our limbs
waver, faintly green, shuddering away
from the genuine color of skin; can our dreams
ever blur the intransigent lines which draw
the shape that shuts us in? absolute fact
intrudes even when the revolted eye
is closed; the tub exists behind our back;
its glittering surfaces are blank and true.
Yet always the ridiculous **** flanks urge
the fabrication of some cloth to cover
such starkness; accuracy must not stalk at large:
each day demands we create our whole world over,
disguising the constant horror in a coat
of many-colored fictions; we mask our past
in the green of Eden, pretend future's shining fruit
can sprout from the navel of this present waste.
In this particular tub, two knees jut up
like icebergs, while minute brown hairs rise
on arms and legs in a fringe of kelp; green soap
navigates the tidal slosh of seas
breaking on legendary beaches; in faith
we shall board our imagined ship and wildly sail
among sacred islands of the mad till death
shatters the fabulous stars and makes us real.
Nov 7, 2014
Nov 7, 2014 at 11:54 PM UTC
emotional girl
emotional violence
death valley dream date.
Oct 28, 2014
Oct 28, 2014 at 9:51 PM UTC
still and early and it's not yet light out
you pull me close
and it's like an attempt to absorb me all at once
and i wouldn't mind if you did
but according to science
we have never actually touched
our sweat beads together and mixes
and that's the closest we'll ever get
or else we will destroy the universe.
Aug 15, 2014
Aug 15, 2014 at 10:46 PM UTC
a constant state of adjustment
transformation
revision.
i'm dizzy and i wanna get off.
Jul 19, 2014
Jul 19, 2014 at 10:01 PM UTC
a gross habit
i don't think i'll ever break
picking at my scabs.
when i was younger
my mom would get after me
but i never listened.
and now here i am
23 years old
still pick, pick, picking away.
a cycle.
like a phoenix
sort of.
i guess.
new life in new skin
death when i peel it back.
repeat, repeat, repeat.
Jun 18, 2014
Jun 18, 2014 at 1:29 AM UTC
biting my bottom lip
until it's chapped
peeling at the skin
i'm on fire
but im freezing
my body is calm
but my brain is out back
running laps
collapsing in the dirt.
Jun 9, 2014
Jun 9, 2014 at 10:24 PM UTC
if you're uninspired
write about being uninspired
if you're uninspired
open a dictionary
and write about the first word you see
like this
okay
set'tle verb
to put in order;to set to rights; to establish in place;to calm or quiet
calm or quiet
i don't know what that means
i'm neither calm nor quiet
even my body language screams at you
even when i sleep, i'm told i snore.
Jun 2, 2014
Jun 2, 2014 at 11:09 PM UTC
i never finish anything
i never finish what i start
i never finish a god **** thing
i ne
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 9:39 PM UTC
it's strange how certain smells can trigger a very distinct memory. or how at one time, you enjoyed the smell of something, but now it reminds you of someone and it makes your stomach turn. was what sweet is now rotten. but then there are things that, to most, smell rotten, but no. not to me. cigarette smoke, for example, reminds me of my mom. living far apart from her, i miss the scent of camel blue 99s in my hair. oftentimes, i'm tempted to buy a pack just for the reminder, but she'd **** me faster than any cancer could. and anyway, i prefer newports.
May 19, 2014
May 19, 2014 at 9:45 PM UTC