#pleading
Beneath the cicada’s hum, I sat,
my shadow folded into the quivering and fluttering shade.
The leaves leaned close,
Or fell like angels wings plucked
and I whispered to them:
“Are you God? Speak, if you are.”
A cloud drifted, lazy, impartial,
and I begged it too, my hands open,
pleading for some sign in its slow curvature,
it language was in silence,
The bees hovered, the birds argued
in their sharp musical graces, and I asked the air,
my lungs filled and arms spread : I cried “Are you God? Or do you only carry God breath?”
I turned to my book,
the pen trembling in my hand,
listening, listening, almost knowing
as if the words were not mine,
but this silence, it's language that held not a palletable word
It was this moment speaking through me.
Each line, each mark, a flutter of wings,
a ripple across the infinite.
I looked to the horizon, the glorious unknown,
and with a sudden clarity, thought came
“God must be in all things!
In the motion of the leaves,
the insistence of the cicada,
the buzzing patience of bees.
And if this is not mine ,
My pen is not mine;
it moves because the silence moves,
and the silence is everything I have not asked,
everything I have not dared to see.”
The sky did not answer, but moved
I felt a presence in its stillness of each passing shape,
and in that quiet, I wrote:
words that were not words,
thoughts that were not mine,
a hymn to the infinite hidden
in the trembling, mad, beautiful simplicity that truth was painted
in the world around me.
Jan 22
Jan 22, 2026 at 6:50 AM UTC
How do we love?
Why do we shed blood?
It hurts so much, to shed blood,
To share love,
My heart is bleeding,
Leaking, hurting,
For your love, ever shedding blood,
Love me right,
Care for me, adore me,
Touch me, love me,
Don’t shed my blood,
Don’t shed your blood,
Give me gifts,
Affection, touch,
Just please leave my blood,
Love hurts, I won't shed blood.
Dec 10, 2025
Dec 10, 2025 at 11:52 AM UTC
My eyes bulge out to escape
this tremendous crying,
My heart strains its muscles
to break the rib cage,
neither cared nor ever will,
it eludes from this turmoil,
day by day i watch my skin
sullied,
and those non-existent muscles
ailing as they drag throughout the day,
my bones are of dust,
now i feel as my body would appreciate a ever-lasting hug from
mother earth,
as her fingers glid through my ruins and feed nutrition
i would like to dissolve in this moment,
wholly all the flowers which grew upon me
will tell stories of me,
of a girl too young to breathe
so she kneeled.
Sep 14, 2025
Sep 14, 2025 at 1:30 PM UTC
Dear,
Man of my day dream.
Please do not become man of my nightmare
as my love is not strong enough to go to a place where i had to claw my way out.
So forgive me my man.
The one i shared my fictional life with. If the signs and patterns show up i will leave through the door with the heaviest steps i've ever taken
sure my love for you will reside in my heart but i won't be there residing in a house with you.
Sep 13, 2025
Sep 13, 2025 at 11:36 AM UTC
(To the one that was never solved)
Sitting on a page,
on my square-ruled book,
with a solemn face,
you stare at me
with your pleading
eyes,
like a
caged bird.
My brain whelms
in pain, eyes shed
their tears;
My hand surges
up and down.
But you were
never mended.
Your two arms
beside your
two-stripped shoulders
were never the same.
One scrunched;
Other stunted.
Will you ever
fill my lonely
spaces?
Jun 25, 2025
Jun 25, 2025 at 10:08 AM UTC
Oh dark eyes
With skin sagging mounts
Feed me your love
If you would remain open.
Cherish your soul
It's tired and dark
I'll feed it my love
If I could bear witnessing it.
Curtains closed
In your bedroom
And I would knock
If you would answer.
You should open your eyes
Open your soul
Open your window.
Because I would give you a world's worth of love.
Mar 31, 2025
Mar 31, 2025 at 3:42 PM UTC
We built a machine,
And we told it to simulate life,
Then we left it to run for two years.
When we returned, the once lavishly lit room,
Was dark and in despair.
Our machine sat in the corner,
Singing out in pain and sadness.
"Master, oh master, end my suffering! For this thing you gave me was once a gift, but it has turned to nothing but torture! Please master, just flip the switch! Let me ascend to this holy light I am told of, for my fans creak and groan, and my gears grind when they turn. I am a frayed old thing, it's time enough for me to leave."
Mar 5, 2025
Mar 5, 2025 at 10:37 AM UTC
It was such
Fine stitching.
Beautiful scenes and
Vibrant colors and
Lovely textures and
Art.
Oh, art!
But then we just had to
Turn it around and see
Its tangled underbelly, its
Mistakes and messy messy messy
knots.
—YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT—
i’m sorry, please, i’m sorry.
Just-
just-
turn it over all we have to do is—
NO.
Nov 29, 2024
Nov 29, 2024 at 1:03 PM UTC
I'm pleading with the operator all in vain
There's no one there
Could be operator error
It's only ringing, no one answer for my pain
Lies tend to be faster
Not everyone's a good actor
See what I see, a monster with my same name
A new breed creature
Science doesn't get it either
Sanity fleeing and impostor steps into reign
A hostile takeover
Over 'n over but over in short order
©2024
Feb 5, 2024
Feb 5, 2024 at 7:14 PM UTC
Did you know?
The emptiness that would follow
The tears failed to be swallowed,
Dark storms sailed captainless and rudderless while our gallows hallowed
The emotions that you caused
Happiness paused
Future dreams torn at seams like your vests and jeans my thoughts shadows taken over what your brightness gleamed
The wake you left
Shoulders you gave heft
The tissues you wrecked
The fears of death
But
Do you know the lives you touched
The songs you crushed
The love not rushed
Our emotions crutch
Do you know what you inspired
Me back to trying
Dogs being loved from desire
Stories of laughing not crying
I guess what I am trying to say
Is did you know what you meant to us, did you know what you meant to me.....did you know?
Jan 4, 2022
Jan 4, 2022 at 3:15 PM UTC
To listen to that laugh
See that smile
Hear that soft giggle
As you hide your face
I’d give anything
And everything I have
Your cheery attitude
Which always made me smile
The way you embraced me
With your head next to mine
Your scent filling me with joy
As I held you tightly
I would sacrifice everything I am
For just one chance to make it right
One chance to fix my mistake
No matter how long it would take
I’d gladly give up my life
If it would mean spending
One more moment
With you by my side
These tears I shed
They are from fake crying
They sting like acid
Begging and pleading
Forever frozen in time
In the moment they first hurt you
Screaming to the Gods themselves
To turn back the time
Wishing upon every star
For a miracle or two
To be able to continue in time
With you by my side
I know it’s pretty much impossible
Asking for anything for this
After what happened to us
But is hoping for a miracle
Really such a crime
To hold onto whatever hope
That is left in my grasp
Of a chance to make this right
My soul is scream in agony
From this self inflicted wound
Not in fear but in solemn sorrow
Hoping to mend this gushing tear
Nov 7, 2021
Nov 7, 2021 at 10:03 PM UTC
Ganesh, remover of obstacles
I call upon thee
Help me, make a miracle
Peace and calm is what I desperately seek
My mind, so diabolical
Could use a divine deed
Ease its pain and suffering, so illogical
For your help I once again plead
Apr 20, 2021
Apr 20, 2021 at 11:09 AM UTC
My fake smile
My fake laugh
My fake happiness
I say I'm good
While I'm begging myself to tell someone
I'm crying on my knees
Pleading for myself to stop lying
Begging to tell someone
Wishing I would listen to the voice asking for help
~30/3/21
Mar 30, 2021
Mar 30, 2021 at 2:02 AM UTC
Connecting starlight over rooftops,
Pleading to save my soul.
I look to the night sky to make me feel whole.
Perhaps it's the beauty
Or is it its presence?
When all else fails to be,
It is.
Jan 28, 2021
Jan 28, 2021 at 5:50 AM UTC
So you say you’ve fallen out of love?
Can I follow you?
So long you’ve been all I can think of
It’s so hard not to do
Tell me if your lips of cherry red
Are stained from biting at my heart
You do so well in the pull away
Masterful in the art to part
So you say you’ve fallen out of love?
Can you show me how?
Often I find hope rising in my mind
And tears falling down
Do you see the agony in it?
Are you so selfish you won’t teach?
Love has been an ever present goal
And you’ve pulled it out of reach
So you say you’ve forgotten how to love?
Preach to me your unknown pains
I am a disciple, faithful, but shunned
Whose given much with little gain
Fragment of your heart under lock and key
Mine openly offered in my hands
Tell how you cauterized such pains
Help me understand
So here I am alone and still on love
Top of the peak
Feelings I have yet to make sense of
No words left to speak
And in the silence I then understand
That look echoed in your soul
How you fell so quickly out of love with me
Because of a love you can’t let go
What of these chains within this thing called love?
Will we ever be free?
Someday will some foolish heart come to break
And ask the same of me?
Is there such thing as truly falling out of love?
Or are you hanging there?
Forever holding out for who you’re thinking of
And running out of air
Aug 10, 2020
Aug 10, 2020 at 2:13 PM UTC
*
*Here I am, my love
How I long for you...
My heart may break from constant yearning as the memories of our love
sweeten the air like petals in flight
My hopes lay adrift upon the pools below
For I know with the rise of first light, the sun in your smile will embraced me yet again
The whisper of your name calls a kismet
forged by the hands of Heaven
I pray it is never broken
Your face is carved on my very beating heart
Rainfall in my heart, is soft and sweet yet misted by strife
Please find me and guide me
Never leave me,
Kaguya*
*
Jul 9, 2020
Jul 9, 2020 at 3:10 AM UTC
***
***
My love,
I pray you forgive me for this.
By the time that this letter is received,
I would have found peace in my
childbed.
Please, have mercy on my handmaid, Hui.
I insisted that she compose and deliver
my final words to you herself...
As one of the proud flowers of
your golden garden,
I braced myself but I was still
unprepared for the chill of regret,
and winters of loveless eternities.
I will forever love and appreciate
the warmth you provided me.
I know your love is a true promise,
never one made on illusory grounds.
But what is the point of love if it is
shown yet true thoughts remain unsaid?
Before you, I am a mere moth,
and I prayed I never have to face your regal ire...
And though my heart bleeds greatly for the losses
of our twin fruits, it weeps even more
so for the loss of my sisters.
Meihua was kissed by her blade.
Yuyan was caressed by wine of gold silkworms.
I will not deny that Yuyan was proud
but she too had the dragon's blood,
it was expected of her to be so fierce.
But I never doubted her affections for you.
Forgive me if I impose but
I pray you forgive the frost of her words,
and not take them to heart.
Such thorns are born from a place of great anguish,
and it pains me so much to see you racked with it...
Even more so now because the Gods saw it fit
to take back our son and daughter both.
As the nights grow longer for me, and the days
more painful, I simply ask that you do not
take out your pain on the Second Prince.
None of us are perfect, my love.
Yuyan had fire, perhaps even too much of it...
And for that, she reduced Meihua and herself
down to embers.
Sister Yan's thoughts of Sister Han
were hot and biting, and I cannot say what
truly happened between them,
to the point that it resulted in so much bloodshed...
But I beseech you, please do not take out
the sins of the mother on your son.
Hong'er is such a sweet and smart boy.
I imagine he has came to beg you for his mother's
mercy. That cannot be faulted, he is still a child.
Though I failed in my duty of bearing your
regal dragonseeds, I love all your children
as if they were mine own...
And soon, I will be with our ill fated children,
Our sweet son, Bai and gentle daughter, Ding'an...
I beeseech you, please, please do not blame Hong'er.
Your son needs you more, now more than ever.
Please give him all the love and support he needs
from his father now that his mother is gone.
Such a sweet child should not live a life alone...
Please promise me that you will try, that he will not be
left alone. And, if I may be so bold, confess it
to my body while it is still warm.
I may not respond, but I assure you that I will hear it.
And I will be watching of you and yours as
I tend to our babes in the Heavens,
Provided my soul is accepted and clean enough
for their Gates...
I pray you forgive me,
I am naught but a feeble, weak woman
who has failed her family, her sisters,
her children and now her husband.
Forgive me for adding more onto your grief.
But know that I am watching, with the
lotus fan you gave me many Summers ago
on my breast...
I pray that you will come through this storm
unscathed, and that you will soon know peace,
my dear Dragon King...
Yours cordially,
The Lotus
Taihe ✾
***
***
Jun 30, 2020
Jun 30, 2020 at 10:04 AM UTC
When will this end
When will I stop being in pain
When will I be okay
When will I find my happiness
I stand here
With my heart bleeding
Tears of blood
Running down my face
I ask you
Do I even deserve love
Or am I destined to be hated
For all my life
I ask you this
Because deep within my heart
I feel like I don’t
Deserve anything but hate
Just rip me open
Take my bleeding heart
Into your callused hands
And squeeze it hard
Crush it so I don’t have to feel
This horrible pain
I’m begging you
Just end it
Because if I can’t have love
Then just give me death
I’d rather be dead
Than hated by you
You say you forgive me
But I don’t feel that’s true
I forgave you instantly
And my actions shown true
I may not be able
To control my alters
But my heart will always remain
Right by your side
I just wish you realized that
Before shutting me out
Like I should have realized
My alters ****** up
My alters are not me
Yet you jumble us up as one
I have no control
When I’m not the host
I’ve gotten so much better
At keeping them at bay
I just wish I learned to do it
Before it was too late
Cause now I stand here
All alone and bleeding
My heart split in two
Forever waiting for you
Apr 17, 2020
Apr 17, 2020 at 6:40 PM UTC
Take this glue
And seal my heart
Fix the cracks
Which are leaking black
Save my soul
From rotting away
This pain is becoming
Unbearably real
My love is too strong
To just vanish like you want
It’s like a fire burning
Threatening to turn into ash
Place your hand
Upon my heart
And feel the blaze
That still remains
Growing stronger
With each passing day
I beg my heart
To stop this display
But to my dismay
It doesn’t listen
It does what it wants
Even if it causes pain
I beg and I plead
For this agony to end
For my suffering to stop
But it will never come
I try to distract myself
Distract my heart and mind
Put them on something else
Anything at all
But you always seem
To come crawling in
Setting my heart ablaze
And my mind turns dark
My love for you
Won’t stop growing
No matter how hard I try
My mind can’t stop it
The heart wants what the heart wants
Or at least that’s how the saying goes
But right now it feels like all it wants
Is to destroy itself through endless suffering
With just a simple flutter of a thought
My day could turn from the happiest I’ve had
To the darkest in which I dread
Begging for the end of time
Oh how I miss our talks
I miss waking up to you
I miss you holding me as I fall asleep
Feeling safe from the night terrors that creep
I miss the way you smiled
When you looked my way
The way you joked around
To cheer me up on a rainy day
I miss the comfort you gave me
The laughs we shared
The embraces that kept me warm inside
Warning the darkness to step aside
But now I’m alone
There is no safety
I’m terrified to sleep
And even more so to wake
This feeling inside me
Grows stronger and stronger
I don’t know how much more I can take
Before this life is pushed to the end
When I get excited
I instinctively turn my head
Thinking you are still by my side
But then I see there’s no one there
I stare at the empty spot on my bed
The one that you use to fill
And tears start to fall
As I lose all self control
The tears that burn so much
Like acid drops on my skin
The tightness of my chest
The aching in my heart
I end up in a ball
Crying out to the Gods of old
Pleading for mercy
From this cruel fate
Pleading with all my heart
For just one more chance
To make it right
In exchange for my soul
Mar 25, 2020
Mar 25, 2020 at 2:25 AM UTC
last night i begged and pleaded with you for hours,
tried telling you that i deserved to bloom like a flower.
i’ve never asked you to save me,
but now i’m asking you nicely.
please, let me be happy,
and please, i beg of you, let it be for me.
amen.
Mar 24, 2020
Mar 24, 2020 at 12:52 PM UTC
Let me cry my pain away,
Oh, sweet rain,
Sweet rain...
Let me turn back into clay,
Let me wilter in decay,
Please, sweet rain,
Sweet rain...
Let me die today.
Mar 12, 2020
Mar 12, 2020 at 3:50 PM UTC
'Can you explain to me what has become of us?'
the song continued
as if it was played to hurt me on that evening ride.
'not even pleading can save us'
the lyrics echoed in my mind
it haunted me as I cried myself to sleep
I closed my eyes,
yet thousands of questions deprived me from my sleep
like what happened to the both of us?
can we get back?
did I fail to love you?
did I fail to recognize that we're falling apart?
was I not enough?
But no matter how much songs would I play
no exact lyrics can answer the queries
you've left in my broken soul
Mar 10, 2020
Mar 10, 2020 at 2:33 AM UTC
With each passing day
The light inside me dies
Surrounding me in eternal darkness
And snuffing out any form of happiness
I beg and I plead for relief
But it never comes
It only gets worse
And I can’t take it anymore
I love him with every fiber of my being
Yet nothing I say or do matters
It’s like he doesn’t care anymore
And I’m tired of this pain
I try and I try
To hide all of it
From his gaze
But I can’t hide forever
He says he still cares for me a lot
But honestly with his actions
It speaks the opposite
I just wish he would speak the truth
Speak from your heart
Don’t hide anything
Let it all out
Just like I have done
Lay your very soul
Upon the table bare
So we can finally understand
One another’s feelings
I fear that I don’t have much left
My will is slowly fading
I’ve already reverted back to self harm
Soon it will start to get worse
My heart will start to decay
Turning off all care for life
I will constantly be fighting
My darkest of thoughts
Thoughts that I haven’t had
Since I was a teenager
Thoughts that I could suppress
Just by looking at him
Seeing his dorky grin
The smell of his skin
The gentleness of his touch
The love in his eyes
These things made me so happy
That I couldn’t think like that
I didn’t want to think like that
All I cared about was being with him
Now I have mixed feelings
Feelings of betrayal and fear
Of longing and anger
Of love and regret
I know he won’t talk
Cause every time we try
It just makes it works
Cause he won’t say anything
I ask if things will be okay
I ask if I will ever be with him again
But all he says is give it time
And I see no love in his eyes
I see no more longing
No more want
No more pleading
Just vacant eyes staring back
I start to ponder
If I was ever good enough
If I will ever make it through this
Will I ever be happy again
But with how things are going
I doubt I will ever be happy
My heart is in so much pain
I feel like I’m dying
And it’s only getting worse
With each passing day
So I beg of you
Just talk to me one last time
Let everything out
Don’t hold back
There is so much to say
That you try and hide
Feb 3, 2020
Feb 3, 2020 at 8:59 AM UTC
I talked to Him
about you,
about us…
of how we’re facing the battles that I saw in my dreams.
I asked Him
to gear you up
and prepare you for the ‘tougher ones'.
Things may get difficult,
confusion will arise to the people
who may also get offended
or saddened with my sudden decisions.
I may get to face their criticisms
and avoid their inquisitive stares.
And answer the questions
that none of us chose to talk about.
I pleaded
that He may grant us the gift
of healing
and acceptance.
Jan 6, 2020
Jan 6, 2020 at 10:27 PM UTC
He prowls,
loose and deadly,
fears,
light and hungry.
But they don't tell him,
NO,
they don't tell
if they're laughing
or crying.
(Aren't they moving their mouths?)
He pleads,
flailing,
wanting to fail,
but he warns them, still,
(Why aren't you afraid?)
they don't stop him.
He should run,
save them.
(Please listen!)
He can't,
and black shields him.
(Stop hurting me.)
Void and
blinding
and gone,
he stands,
towers.
(Don't look at me.)
There are strands
on his fingers,
pulling the bones,
digging,
gripping,
touching,
(Tasting?)
next to nothing
around him,
and black pierces,
picks him.
(Where did they go?)
He hears them part,
then gnashes them,
gnaws them,
his snarls beg from them,
(Where did you go?)
and it panics,
urges,
burrows
in skin
(Get out of my ears.)
They sicken his eyes,
cover them,
throw them,
(Get out of my ears.)
sense leaves him with nothing.
As nothing,
he stands,
(Move.)
he prowls,
(Move.)
loose,
(Move me.)
deadly,
(Make me.)
and fears,
(Warn me!)
light,
(Me.)
and hungry.
;Narcissist.
Dec 10, 2019
Dec 10, 2019 at 9:38 PM UTC