#nocontrol
I am trapped in my body, watching the figure that patrols it around doing what she wants and saying what she will.
My mind feels muddled as the words 'I do not care' pierces them.
Is this who i am?
I pull at the the bars that trap my mind around others,
my anxiety skyrocketing.
But the person in the cockpit simply replies to my worries and woes, "oh well, I'll worry about that sometime soon"
Jun 6, 2021
Jun 6, 2021 at 4:39 PM UTC
What do we do,
when we no longer have control,
no longer can say,
do,
or change a thing
about a situation.
We just have to accept it,
as painful as it is.
We need to learn to live with it...
Sep 17, 2020
Sep 17, 2020 at 10:15 AM UTC
Here I am,
deep down...
deep down...
deep down into the dark night.
Swept up by
Sadness' stench.
I am floating nowhere.
I want to move my feet
one and then the other,
one and then the other.
I ****** my feet
faster than a boat propeller;
but I have two solid bricks of ice
where my toes used to be.
I am still floating,
deeper and deeper
into nowhere
until time and space
are lost friends.
Everything swiftly
slips
from my fingertips.
Jan 20, 2019
Jan 20, 2019 at 10:10 AM UTC
I wanted to control the things I couldn’t avoid.
Growing up, disappointment,
and how my heart gets destroyed.
Pieces shattered in my hands as I tried to hold
moments of my life
created uncontrolled.
Curating a mind grown with unchecked panic.
Thoughts clashing around like violent storms from the Atlantic.
Wishing my words came out less frantic
and more romantic.
Jan 11, 2019
Jan 11, 2019 at 10:06 PM UTC
How can you be so infatuated on a single substance
A single thing that can ruin any connection that may try to sprout
To make what is already grown
fragile enough untill they all have been shattered
As it is a wall blocking those who choose it
from the real world
and yet you choose the foreign substance
but do you consider how dangerous that something is
That you can loose your own body
your own mind
your own life
People talk about aliens
or if mind control really exists
but the undeniable is already reeping the nation
with the acceptance age being 21
you have given over your mind and body
The contract signed
A signature with your name finished in a lithal red
It might as well of been your will
For the only life you will live
won't even be lived as as you
you choose to be isolated
accompanied by something you've only know for a couple of years
and leave behind the people whom you have known all your life
or worse all of theirs
The life where you have choices
to not be bounded
To be in control
Is gone with a simple existence
a baneful prison
A fate which you solidified
with setting a reminder in the back of your head
A nag that is eating away any sanity
Deteriorating each sip that goes by
The mind so weak
though so always frail
easy to be controlled by a simple substance
yet It is only though that
when your body looses way
and the pain from with in seeps through
with the physical limitations having been met
For then you finally say
I shouldn't of started
Yet how come you still won't stop?
Jan 6, 2019
Jan 6, 2019 at 12:44 AM UTC
I want to leave, to run away. I want the sun on a brand new day.
See this life I live, its not me at all, almost like its not Autumn but instead its Fall. Falling down to the dark abyss, not like Alice more like constant darkness. I love him, with all of my heart, but I'm not in love, I cannot be, because how can I love him that way but not me? I have this problem, with finding myself. Who am I, but another story on a shelf?
I search for me, relentlessly but to no avail, its a dead end trail. I dont know where to start, or where to go, but deep down inside I just know.
Its not fair to him or me, this life we've built is misery, and I tell him this and he rolls his eyes, but I'm certain he knows this too deep down inside.
Even still its not fair to us, for us to stay, I'd be better off far away, but how can I leave him if he thinks he's happy, how do I go while still leaving him me?
Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 7:27 PM UTC
I cut myself with a sharp knife
It wasn’t on purpose I swear
I feel the pain
I Think I fainted
Never have I ever seen this much blood before
It was all over the bathroom floor
One sick thought I got
“collect my blood In a little jar”
And that I did
But then I got to think
I realized It was sick
I washed the blood of the jar
And called my mom saying
That I dropped the knife on my foot
Wasn’t on purpose nur so good
I waited for her to come home
my blood on our bathroom floor
Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 7:29 AM UTC
The river continues to flow,
it's banks crying even though,
the water isn't in control
and no one can console
tears that fall on deaf ears.
I wish that you could know,
that once I was able to glow,
but you left and now my soul,
feels like a lump of coal.
Oh!, how I wish that you were near.
Apr 11, 2018
Apr 11, 2018 at 5:48 PM UTC
Like a toothpick on a mammoth river,
I have no say in where I’ll go.
I think I know where I’ll end up.
A tiny sliver on a massive torrent-
I will not sink, though I may tangle
With another floating twig
And find me carried in its direction
Whether that be to the salty ocean
Or washed up on a riverbank.
I’ll fetch up where the current puts me-
There’s no arguing with life
Or the mighty Columbia River.
ljm
Feb 25, 2017
Feb 25, 2017 at 10:13 AM UTC
I'm just a doll come to life
Only activated when people come to me
I am a blank canvas ready to be painted
By conversations and events of the day
I am a mindless soul wandering throughout life
Turning on when people need me or want me.
I am not an individual,merely stitches of multiples put together as one: ideas, personality, tendencies, not original but not cliche.
Who I am is pieces of different persons seen together in different colors and taste of personalities.
I am only made of others but none of myself personally. Each person is their own to be what they choose
But I am only a canvas a thought of their muse
I only self activate on the blue moon
For I am only made from recycled blues
Oct 8, 2016
Oct 8, 2016 at 3:08 PM UTC
You can't control it, that's just the deal
Sometimes you're the mouth, sometimes the meal
Fate does not care how you feel
Converging lines that do not meet
Even though we look and seek
We only find circles that do not close
It's just the way the story goes
We only ever see half a picture
We only see through our eye's stricture
If only our heart had eyes
Maybe then we'd see why
If we call someplace paradise
We condemn it to die
We can kiss it goodbye
So make the best of what you got
Don't get lost in the mayhem of your thoughts
You'll never find exactly what you sought
You must deal with what the fates have brought
Come what may, with your pants down don't get caught
May 13, 2016
May 13, 2016 at 11:40 AM UTC
I was scattered
to the farthest reaching stars
Thoughts on thoughts
stacked like library halls
till the many pages formed a face
and with growing thrist
swallowed me down
into the endless night
of a dying black hole
I had lost all self control
Oct 16, 2015
Oct 16, 2015 at 8:22 PM UTC
*She thinks I can't survive even a single night
Without her in my life but she's ****** right*
Jun 24, 2015
Jun 24, 2015 at 10:33 AM UTC
Darkness covers my vision, making me fear my own actions.
The actions I can't control.
The action of me picking up a blade, only for the light to come back as my lover walks in.
The action of me screaming at my lover, only for the light to come back the next morning.
Who I am can change and it scares me.
I don't know what to do.
I can't control myself anymore.
I need the pain.
I need the blade.
I need the blood.
I can't survive the blackout...
May 13, 2015
May 13, 2015 at 2:22 PM UTC
We spoke today after ages
It felt like a part of me came back
Now we talk everyday
It feels like a bright sunny day
I miss his hands
He knows me, he understands
The way he makes me feel
The pain inside my heart will never heal
He’s something I really need
We miss each other, we both agreed
There are so many things I have no control over
It makes me feel like I’m not at all sober
I feel this way without a single drink
I can’t help but think
I want to see him, hold him, feel him
Run towards him and just stay there with him
Maybe I never want to leave
He’s my only belief
Apr 18, 2015
Apr 18, 2015 at 1:42 PM UTC
No one truly understands,
My demons commands,
That quiets my voice,
And gives me no choice,
That ruins the present,
With resentment,
That makes me sad,
And oh so mad,
Over reasons I do not know,
Because he doesn’t even show,
All he does is but control,
He plays each and every role,
Of that I hate myself for,
Straight down to my core,
When will I understand,
Where it is he stands,
Is he in my heart-my soul,
Will he turn it to coal,
Or is he in my brain-my mind,
Will I ever be able to find,
Where he is truly hidden,
So I can get rid of him.
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 1:37 PM UTC
No control
No control
my life is whirling out of control;
My life is spinning
and I'm not winning
are you sinning?
Can you spare
any fare
so that this mess
you may repair
Oct 12, 2014
Oct 12, 2014 at 10:39 AM UTC
Where am I?
Who are you?
This place is familiar
Yet unfamiliar at the same time
My body acts differently
The words I say are not mine
Who is controlling me?
This is not who I am
The walls are closing in
And I can’t breathe
I am not in control
I am no longer me.
Apr 19, 2013
Apr 19, 2013 at 8:04 AM UTC