#firstlove
Devilish blue eyes, frozen gaze.
Influencing me against my will,
Submitting into dropping defenses.
Overcome with an inability to escape,
I become bound by those piercing eyes.
Sapping once kinder thoughts,
Replaced by detached isolation.
Shuttering at the crack of the whip,
Blindly I walk to death.
Carved flesh ammunition against
You, weakness exposed.
Lacerations to the heart exchanged,
Milky fog clouds my oppressor.
Pieces held together by hatred,
One blow away from cracking.
Further into broken self.
All freedoms come at a cost.
Jun 4, 2015
Jun 4, 2015 at 10:32 AM UTC
**he promised her things that only God could give yet with all of her whole, she believed:
because love was their (arcane) goal**
to them love was the roses, chocolates and the ever so cute 'goodnight' texts. it was the tiny 'XO's at the end of every love letter and the irresistible kisses on a bad day. it was them hiding under the sheets, ardently sharing every secret ever known to the world because the world that they knew was in their robust palms.
little did they know that love was also the screams on a terrible day, the tears of a tortuous heartbreak and the piercing 'goodbye's after repeated arguments. it was the shredding of past love letters, the tearing of photographs and the burning of every remembered moment that was reminiscently shared in the creases of their hands (or their clenched fists).
soon, the little lovebirds turned into fiery ravens because love was inexorable
-- it was the wings that made them fly (in which direction it did not matter). the "lovers" chose to fly anyway because ultimately, love reminded them of the misplaced souls that they possessed.
(( though love only taught them of the ubiquity of hatred within them ))
Sep 19, 2014
Sep 19, 2014 at 12:31 PM UTC
The butterfly of many talents
talked nothing but of himself...
and never stopped to Listen
or gain true conversational wealth
cloaked in flamboyent colors
his butterfly wings so huge,
captured a little lost lady moth
(looking for the moon)
and kept her as his muse
just as the wings of the butterfly
so was the moths heart large
and so she inspired her captor unconditionally..
and loved freely, fanning him...
& flapping her wings too hard...
each time they would tear ,
she'd ignore the searing pain
for with all of her inner beauty;
by no means was she vain
the butterfly misused his muse
did not reciprocate emotion
so her wings drooping stupidly
with blind devotion
were as lost shadowed in his coloring
as before.......
searching for the light of moon in black ocean
he had never saved her from the vast
sky-sea & empty Galaxy
But used her flutter as a tool
to satisfy his selfish artistic needs
the little lost moth lost flight
As she began to understand
the light butterfly provided
was a stage light made by man
all the time she lost
robbed her spirit and stole her grace
so she rubbed the powder off his big bright wings and thought
-what good is his outward beauty now that he can no longer soar in space-
Disenchanted but free at last
moth tries but can never trust color
won't inspire art or music
and will never love another.....
Nov 2, 2014
Nov 2, 2014 at 9:38 PM UTC
There will never be anyone like you
Broken by the world, mended by pretend
Nobody like you, a mirror passed and disgraced
Someone who can hold me while I cry
The same way you did, without asking why
Understanding the battles I fight
To keep from breathing smoke
To keep from drinking fire
Please come back
I know we could
Everyone makes mistakes
Let this be yours
Aug 22, 2018
Aug 22, 2018 at 1:59 PM UTC
Love was knowing our first touch
in that dimly lit room
just the two of us
and the sound of quiet charm
your lips meeting mine
and the way you gazed at me
Love was knowing you were there
Love was just the two of us
and our delicate touch
Love was...
You.
Love was not this taste of leftovers
or my tears falling to my lips
or the way I crave a delicate touch
and the safety of your arms
or the comfort of your warmth
Love was not the way you abandoned ship
Love was not supposed to be like this
Love was to be around you
Love was how I fit with someone I barely knew
Love was...
You.
Apr 10, 2018
Apr 10, 2018 at 11:01 AM UTC
Hot cup, your large couch and a wooden floor somewhere abroad
You caress away my unexplained tears, "Sorry I don't usually cry"
"You will be okay", my favourite almond taste, how you always knew
Lyrics become far-off places when you search somewhere to hide
Daydreams,trusted moments and you remembering everything
You follow me in the rain, "What do you listen?"
"Everything" I say and then you defend my broken pride
Conversations become last escapes when lost in your soul
Airplanes, my headphones and a mind I miss in the arrival's room
You ask my hand for a waltz, "I don't know how to dance"
"Neither do I", your laughter the most wonderful sound
Memories become romantic adventures when covered in chocolate
Feb 1, 2015
Feb 1, 2015 at 6:28 PM UTC
Get the **** out of my head
Why is it so hard to forget you
Yet all the negatives try to vanish
In an attempt to make me miss you
You were a horrible person
And I can look past what you did to me
But you hurt her too, your best friend
Who does that?
How can one guy convince you to drop your best friend
When I couldn't even get you to ignore the toxic ones
I hear he's controlling now
That's cute
I hope you enjoy how he ***** you
Cause that's all you care about you heartless *****
You left me cause I refused to beat you in bed
Cause I couldn't satisfy your fantasies
Well I hope you realize that
Your addiction will destroy your life
If somehow it hasn't already
You dropped out of college and now you're living on your own
I knew you wouldn't go back if you left
But you had your own plans
Your own agenda to live your life
Trying to get whatever you want
From anyone
You didn't stay because I didn't put up with your ****
I stood up to you when no one else would
And luckily it got me out of a toxic relationship that
I didn't even realize was that bad
First love never dies
Here I am trying to justify
Why I can't get you out of my mind
No matter how hard I try
When I genuinely do not want you
Who I'm with now is so much better
She and I, we build together
Instead of me building for you
Leaving nothing to nurture myself
And you still seem to remove pieces from my wall
Threatening my progress without you
Because why would you do anything different
And I try to remind myself that
You cheated on me
And at least I can sleep
Without the raging guilt
That I hope fills your lungs
And chokes you in your sleep
Nov 11, 2016
Nov 11, 2016 at 1:21 PM UTC
The last time I saw you sipping time on his rooftop, your wounds were smaller and my heart bigger than it ever would be. I had learnt to love you despite the smell of wild daffodils on your breath, and the look of expensive pride in your eyes - things you were willing to give up when you first hugged me with the surprising confidence of an old world pilgrim hugging the shores of new America and bringing with it the hopes and bitterness of the transatlantic blues.
The last time I saw you sipping time on his rooftop, the neighbours said that if I had arrived a bit earlier, I would have heard the sound of his sandy boots crashing against your rotten hardwood flooring, drowning your cries for constant help. His clenched fists might have broken your apartment window, But you begged me to give him the benefit of the doubt - maybe unlike me, he had never fallen for a wild daffodil before.
The last time I saw you sipping time on his rooftop, I remember confessing how you weren't truly my first love - that honour instead belonged to a monsoon paperboat that hado shown up at my flooded doorstep when I hadnt yet crossed the ripe old age of five.
Looking back - you told me, those were probably my golden years of romantic maturity.
The last time I saw you sipping time on his rooftop, you failed to realize why men kept falling over their swords to win the curled up furball crying in my arms, wearing an unasked crown of broken hearts. I wish you had remembered what i had said.
People loved you not because your face shone the brightest or you looked more beautiful than every damsel dancing in the ghostly courts of a dying town. Instead people kept coming back to you because you were Kolkata, you were literally this city.
The last time I saw you, we were sitting on the edges of a different city i had chosen to call my own. But I wish you had realized what I meant.
Feb 1, 2017
Feb 1, 2017 at 12:14 PM UTC
Hello everyone,
I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!
I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?
The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterwards (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback. I will be building my Author page tonight (12/21/2018) and my website finished first thing Monday!
Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines
Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world
Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!
Wish me luck!
Big, Biggest Love,
Jeff Gaines
Jul 3, 2018
Jul 3, 2018 at 6:59 AM UTC
Like a heaven-scent,
Sweet and pure
I craved for more.
" the seven minutes in heaven"
Mar 28, 2019
Mar 28, 2019 at 4:29 AM UTC
Now let the rain fall down
Just as my tears use to
And let the oceans rise
Wash away the thoughts of you
Take away the memories
Of all the things you said
Of all the things we did
Erase them from my head
As long as you're still here
I'll spend my sleepless nights
Plagued by the image of you
And all those senseless fights
Replace your velvet voice
With the thunder claps
And blind my sight to you
With the lightning flash
I'm moving on now
With the crashing waves
So let the waters flood
And send me to my grave
Aug 23, 2014
Aug 23, 2014 at 12:04 AM UTC
Take me to a place where I can be with you.
A place where the ocean meets the sky
And the sunset on the horizon is painted by God's best artisans.
Take me to a place where you'd hold my hand
In a deep evergreen forest,
Lush with thick foliage and dewy from rain.
Take me to a place where I can taste the sweetest fruits on your lips,
Where my senses are overjoyed by a multitude of flavours,
Each one reminding me of you.
Take me to a place,
A field,
The moon and stars shining
And a night as clear as mountain waters.
Take me to that field,
Where the grass grew tall
And hay bales were laid alongside us.
Where the ground was mostly dry
But still damp,
Where regardless, we laid down among the carrot lace
And you were beneath me,
My very definition of beauty.
The moon in your stormy-blue eyes
And a smile playing at your lips
When suddenly,
Your smile disappeared and you looked right at me,
Lips parted.
Instinct took me,
And although inexperienced,
We worked together like oiled machines
With all our gears functioning.
It was the first and the last time,
Coldest and hottest.
It was a raging inferno
And an arctic storm.
I felt like I was stolen of breath
But given new air.
You filled my lungs and intoxicated me,
But I could have never been more sober.
Take me to that place again.
May 12, 2017
May 12, 2017 at 9:09 AM UTC
first love, loud evening
blaring lights,
she cries into a puddle on the floor
i help her up as she drips through my fingers
it's funny, i laugh until my cheeks hurt
she's sobbing into her palms
first love, a crying mess
lipstick smeared, chocolate cake stains on her teeth
when i sing, i can't help but think of her
how it would feel to hold her
more than a friend
but first love remains a first love
she goes home, a stumbling mess in the night
slurring her goodbyes as she drags her feet to the car
first love, goodbye and good night
stay as my first love, it's better that way
i'll meet someone like you soon.
Mar 31, 2023
Mar 31, 2023 at 1:30 PM UTC
You have your eyes on someone else
I am happy gazing at the shell
It's a nagging zeitgeist, well
I tried to keep a pretence
Could you tell?
I spinned in endless circles
Blinded by the sparkles
Thought there will be tell-tales
Measured self on bad scales
Contemporary delusions hail
Careful calculations also fail
I am trying to move on
From something
That was only drawn
In my thoughts, which pawned
My heart, which still prolongs
Tell me
What should I do?
Everyday I am filled with blues
I could throw this forever
If I knew a little, how to!
Or if I had the slightest clue!
Mar 5, 2022
Mar 5, 2022 at 11:34 AM UTC
I gasp every time
Mine meet with his cold blue eyes
For a moment the world stops
The air grows foggy with sighs
Now they say he's with another
Precious ****** dressed in white
Swallowing his tales like candy
Does she pray for him at night?
Does he hit her too
Or is she made of glass?
A cobweb covered beauty
Living somewhere in the past
Pretty angel
Even Satan can't deny
She said that I seem sweet
"She's ******* ****** he replied
Well you're a hypocrite,
And my only question is-
Can you worship Mother Mary
Whilst blood is dripping from her eyes?
May 5, 2014
May 5, 2014 at 9:34 AM UTC
I **** my enemies
I got critical strike
on all my nemesis
I ain't got hybris
Running for my life
Running with my dear love
Away, dodging all problems
We do not get killed
We are the perfect team
To win a dogdeball match
Feb 16, 2016
Feb 16, 2016 at 6:34 AM UTC
In the first appearance,
of those piercing blue eyes,
my world expanded,
as you so selfishly loved me.
Without any understanding,
of my own selfishness,
we took our first steps,
into a new adventure.
Challenges and triumphs,
we faced them both;
yet it made no difference,
when the end arrived.
Three years of memories,
lessons, and growth.
You have changed,
and I have changed.
Our time has come,
to take our own paths.
Our shared journey,
was that of its own.
The absence of you,
within my life,
will never exist,
within my heart.
Oct 6, 2018
Oct 6, 2018 at 12:14 AM UTC
I knew him 63 days
We'd been together for five
But he was never one to be afraid to speak his mind
He told me that he loved me that drive
Taking me home for the summer
That we'd spend apart each night
He said he loved the way I kissed him
We started out over long distance, I tried so hard to make sense of it
The way my heart was feeling things without my permission
It's funny now to talk about those first days
When we couldn't hang out because of your roommate
You asked him how he'd feel about you taking me out on a date
We went to the sunset but we didn't watch it
Too busy talking with our hands on each other
It was clear to me then that we were in trouble
You said I'm the only girl that you'd called baby
I said you're the first guy that I let taste me
I don't even know what we were really saying
I had one hand in your hair and one on your chest
You looked at me and said you didn't want nobody else
I said don't say it if you don't mean it
I knew on the day you picked me up from the airport
In your ripped blue jeans and your dark, black t-shirt
You were someone that I actually cared for
We were both young, but you were younger
Something that I often even forgot of
Must have been the way you talked to my father
Or maybe what you said when you left for the summer
Aug 9, 2020
Aug 9, 2020 at 1:07 PM UTC
I met the love of my life today
I didn't say hi and he didn't say hi
I don't know his name
He does not know mine either
Our eyes just locked up and there
Instantly I fell
Tho love seems so sweet and giving,
Our line is that kind of a tangent.
But in that moment that
I got to hold his eyes with mine,
I swear we were infinite.
Aug 28, 2015
Aug 28, 2015 at 9:44 AM UTC
Never seen,
We've Never been,
We've never met,
But, I'm willing to bet..
There's a story with us
Waiting to be written,
Waiting to be read.
Never a word,
Yet, seemingly,
We share the world.
We may be strangers, though,
For once, forget the dangers..
Live, with me
Let us be free.
Never again miserable.
Never again,
Invisible.
Mar 21, 2015
Mar 21, 2015 at 12:01 PM UTC
i never thought i would be able to fall in love
ever
physically or emotionally
extreme vulnerability
was an absurd concept
in my mind
but i jumped
took a leap of faith
into the abyss of impossibilities
and free fell
right into the safety net
created by your arms
the tenderness of our fingers intertwined
soon became my life vest
if these feelings were to suffocate me
you would pull me back to the surface
and revive me
with the purity of your breath
i would always be okay
because i loved you
i love you
i still love you.
this love
that i try so hard to make evaporate into the nothingness
never fails to find a way to come pouring back into me
you took your full name
and engraved it into my soul
so there it stays
like a ball and chain
always reminding me of what could have been
Jun 24, 2018
Jun 24, 2018 at 10:45 PM UTC
I saw you cross the street with her.
She's so pretty.
I didn't know...
You had someone.
I don't know why,
I don't feel the need to cry.
This time around,
Maybe I'm ready to move on.
When I saw my heart stopped.
When you crossed the street.
Her doe eyes killed me,
You never looked me in mine.
Maybe I'm not so ready
To move on.
Maybe I won't cry this time
Because I've died.
Nov 6, 2024
Nov 6, 2024 at 4:19 PM UTC
To Her Majesty, the Queen
Queen of the Light and the Dark
The night had swallowed the moon and all its spark,
The ever-shining Sun seemed to be frozen,
The peace and tranquility from the world had been stolen,
The air, the soil, all felt so dry
It never felt so painful to cry.
Fish came flowing to shore,
Your eyes so divine and so pure
Glitters from your face shone the night sky bright,
Days felt splendid, your presence brought great delight,
Your royal touch restored the peace and tranquility within,
Melodies from your voice keeps birds dancing while the Sun is shining,
And in the dark your smile never fails to ignite a spark.
All hail Her Majesty, the Queen of the Light and the Dark.
Jan 30, 2016
Jan 30, 2016 at 10:07 AM UTC