#deppresion
I remember
One year ago
When I looked at those pills
And they looked back
I remember
When those tears fell down my face
As they all fell down my throat
I remember
My parents asking
"Why"
I remember
Throwing up my stomach
I remember
That I got "better"
I remember
In crystal clear detail
One year ago
Apr 27
Apr 27, 2026 at 11:28 PM UTC
Dear deppresion
I surrender
I lost the battle
Yes I watched that large white flag
Go so high in the sky
I will throw my sword
Admit that I was always a bit bored
I will take my armour off
And I will falloff this horse
I surrender
You can take
My heart
My head
My soul
Just know
That the true battle was not
The cutting
The crying
The overdose
It was knowing that the battle was lost before it even started.
Apr 14
Apr 14, 2026 at 12:45 PM UTC
Ah this familiar feeling is back
No sleep insomnia is on the attack
Laying 12 hours; eyes shut
Praying for sleep
But no luck
Ive had all the prescriptions from the doc
Yet im still awake around the clock
I would do anything just to catch a wink
Yet im still awake
around the clock
Just to think
Mar 21, 2022
Mar 21, 2022 at 11:01 PM UTC
I am trapped in my body, watching the figure that patrols it around doing what she wants and saying what she will.
My mind feels muddled as the words 'I do not care' pierces them.
Is this who i am?
I pull at the the bars that trap my mind around others,
my anxiety skyrocketing.
But the person in the cockpit simply replies to my worries and woes, "oh well, I'll worry about that sometime soon"
Jun 6, 2021
Jun 6, 2021 at 4:39 PM UTC
Every second your eyes meet my skin an inch melts off, melting until I am forced to turn away, so that my insides don't splatter on the marble floor.
One day I shall stop turning away, let you melt me.
For that at least will make your eyes stay for a second longer
on what can only be described as a tragedy.
Jun 6, 2021
Jun 6, 2021 at 4:33 PM UTC
his words are bridges
that leads you over the sea
his words are fingers that whisper;
come to me, come to me.
but my bridges lead no one,
arrive nowhere.
lost at sea,
and swallowed up by the breeze.
my words mean nothing.
How could they?
when all that I am
are as noticeable as stars during the day.
Mar 31, 2021
Mar 31, 2021 at 9:58 PM UTC
Serving time
Doing lines
Making prison bars
Out of razor blades and credit cards
The only clean thing bout me are my arms
Cuz evreything i do harms Others or my self
Yelling for help
Where no one can see me
Tappin out S.O.S's
Who's gonna hear me
Swingin back and forth teeter and totter
Don't like myself
Wish i were hotter
Wanna be like thotties
i mean hotties
Rotting inside out with silicone gel
Maybe then i'd love myself
Don't even know what's real and what's fake
Cuz the emotions i hate
Don't even exist
It's just some ********
i created for attention
But what was the question?
When will i write "i" in the uppercase
Nov 22, 2020
Nov 22, 2020 at 9:13 PM UTC
Pian
Pian
The scars on my wrists are reminders.
The fresh cuts sting and burn, The red of my blood brings me release of pain that I feel inside. The pain of the sharp and the sight of the blood, it reminds me that I’m alive. But now it just there, there is no pain just numb.
Pain
I’m not scared of death.
No on the contrary I invite it with open arms.
No I’m scared of living. The thought of life is what chills me to the bone. That feeling that I don’t live up to society's standards. That I’ll be treated diffrently if I don’t fit the description of a cis girl.
Pain
It comes in the form of a dress, of long hair, of makeup, of *******
It does not come in the form of a broken limb or a gun wound.
It is not a physical pain. Though it can be more inhabilitating than a broken leg. You no longer have the strength or will to get out of bed. Or even live anymore.
Pain
It comes from those who do not understand
It comes from words spoken about you but not to you. It comes from betrail of the highest form. That of a friend, of a lover, of family. They talk. Thats what gives you the power to take those pills. To bury the knife so deep in your wrist they can’t take it out. To put that rope necklace on and push away the only thing holding you up.
Pain
It is the friends you push away that can’t help you
It’s the feeling of pure depression. It’s not a sickness that you can see. You don’t cough, you don’t have a sniffly nose, you aren’t pale, you don’t have a fever of 127. You are so tierd becuause if you sleep you dream but can’t call it dreaming. It’s only nighmares.
Pain
It’s not what you think it is.
It’s like a friend who never leaves. Deppression lives with you and you can’t escape it. It slowly invades your sleep and every waking second.
Pain
For me my deppression is my body
My skinny waist, big hips, and big ******* From my round face to my girly voice. My shortness and my slender hands and tiny feet. My deppression is my Dysphoria. She huants me when I look in the mirror. I see it in the faces of my friends. So I push them away.
Pain
It’s feeling so loney that it feels as tough you can’t go on any more
It’s pushing away your friends when you need them the most becuse you don’t wan to hurt them if you do leave. And you consider making life better for everyone including yourself by ending it all. Those pills, that blade, the knife, or the necklace of rope makes you feel free.
Pain
No more PAIN
No more PAIN
NO MORE PAIN
PAIN
Jan 18, 2021
Jan 18, 2021 at 11:07 PM UTC
Melting mechanically into nothingness, hiding behind my own imperfections.
Fading inside, no one notices, no one notices.
It's ok though I’ll be ok, I always make it through.
Channelling pain to make my own pains disappear; looking down at my open palms wine red crescent moons passing across my vision.
I look up; It's my secret.
Closing my fist; exposing my broken nails.
A way of coping?
Or a way of avoiding?
Having to scream having to cry.
In my blurred vision, I look up, but there's no one nothing just white.
There's no one, I need someone, there's no one.
They say their there for me. They say their here.
But when I say, they say I talk too much.
When I don’t they ask what’s wrong.
A continuous circle.
Never ending?
Or never beginning?
Feb 11, 2019
Feb 11, 2019 at 3:21 PM UTC
Everyone says you are supposed to love your scars
They say it shows how strong you are
But the funny thing is that when I look at them
I see how long they have been there
The sad thing is they have been there longer than anybody ever has
Dec 16, 2018
Dec 16, 2018 at 5:42 PM UTC
I sit in the rain
just letting it pour down your face
distinguishing between the tears and the rain would be impossible
except for my mascara that runs down my face like a river
the tears turns black and streams down my face
crying about everything and anything
I feel like I've fallen apart
drowning in the rain
drowning
but with every breath I give to the world
one is taken from me
but I wipe my face
I stand up
and I go back inside
back to my life
May 21, 2018
May 21, 2018 at 7:18 PM UTC
Black shadows,
Stifling frown,
Crashing down,
Hopscotch till dawn.
Turn around,
Shadows of the sea,
All below; dark and deep,
Never to be seen,
Black bones of the knee,
Turn around,
Get up my friend,
One step down,
Two step up,
Let's begin,
The game of shadows.
Turn around,
Always a shadow,
only you can see.
Navya Saini
Apr 23, 2018
Apr 23, 2018 at 6:32 PM UTC
Claustrophobic meetings of
myself in the mirror.
I'm shut in this refection,
when I know this
isn't me..
Pain attacks of a realization,
I'm stuck in this
obituary of looks..
I scream only seeing within..
Nov 16, 2017
Nov 16, 2017 at 9:17 AM UTC
I was little bit happy,
Little bit sad,
Cuz in the end,
You will break my heart,
Still it will be wonderful,
Good times, bad times,
You can never choose,
In the end it doesn't matter,
Nothing matters really,
So take everything you got,
Cuz nothin' better is coming,
You will die like the rest of us,
Resting in our coffins.
Jun 12, 2017
Jun 12, 2017 at 5:33 PM UTC
Seven shots with ****** knuckles,
four bottles of letting everyone down,
Eight hits from a disappointing life.
It only took me one trip to the rehab center called your touch. I used the medicine of your love to become sober.
now I am dependent on you, I need you every day and do not feel the same without you. I have an itch when I'm away and a warmth when I'm close. I became addicted to your love.
twelve tabs of compassion,
three pints of self-worth,
five pills of your warm embrace,
And one injection of beautiful passion.
I want you...
I need you...
I have you.
I love you.
Jan 27, 2017
Jan 27, 2017 at 1:41 PM UTC
It hides in the darkness
And lurks in the shadows
The sun can block it out
But not keep it away in the night
Sometimes the moon is my only solace
But it leaves
Then I'm left alone
The demons whispering
Become shouts
It leaves me deaf
And blinded
The light stolen
By the hateful thieves
With that light
Leaves
My
Hope
But it lingers in my mind
Even when it's pitch black
Even when the shouts make me deaf
I hear the words
Hold
On
Possibilities
Exist
The little birdie
My little angel
My wonderful friend
Is here
They snuck in
And were beside me
They were with me
Even through the worst
When no one was here
They still were
They became my light
Even now as I'm in the dark
I know they are here
And it gives me
Hope
Jul 25, 2016
Jul 25, 2016 at 10:14 PM UTC
I don't know what I want in this world.
I don't know what is worthwhile on this Earth that can make me smile.
It keeps spinning
And I keep turning over in my mind -
Does mankind even know what it wants?
Are we in love or just bored?
Filling up time before we're buried,
Chasing our tails and tales of how to live.
Tired of this town - strive to leave before it gets you down.
And when you leave you'll take the town with you and start again.
So the Earth keeps spinning.
And I stop smiling at what we think is worthwhile.
Because I don't know, maybe,
I don't want this world.
Dec 30, 2015
Dec 30, 2015 at 8:19 AM UTC
People think I complain to much why do you think I'm more to myself ? Because I'm tired of having people saying don't worry about it don't stress out about it or you'll be okay every time I'm like.. be in my shoes for a week feel my struggle. But then I'll get the but I have it worse because this or someone could have it worse I'm not trying to make people feel sorry for me I want somebody to listen and give me motivation advice give me a spark to light my fire again.
Dec 2, 2015
Dec 2, 2015 at 9:39 PM UTC
Cement walls surround me.
The silence tortures me.
Crossed legged on the bed
With my head down,
Staring at a razor blade.
Oh how it excites me to see,
Blood dripping from an area where my watch should be.
I am numb to physical pain.
As i have had enough insanity.
I know deep down,
My heart screams for salvation.
Yet a stronger part that shares it,
Gives hell in ways unknown.
It screams but no one is hearing it,
Not even me.
Familiar to the situation.
Where I screamed and no one listened.
Where I spoke and no one responded.
Where I cared and no one seemed to appreciate.
The impact was stronger than they thought.
They say I'll be fine and Oh how I agreed.
Then they left.
Now I am left unloved.
Forced to smile when I don't want to.
Forced to cover up on sunny days where it's hot.
Forced to cry and refuse to go Out.
They don't love me.
And I do not know how to love myself.
Aug 31, 2015
Aug 31, 2015 at 8:34 PM UTC
Am I loosing myself?
Or did I years ago?
Is that why I feel so empty inside?
Aug 7, 2015
Aug 7, 2015 at 5:06 PM UTC
If blood was rubies and diamonds tears then I’d be rich
If words were weapons then I’d be stabbed
If thoughts were water then I’d be drowning
If we were our own demons then I’d be the devil
If misery was someone then I’d be its best friend
If rope was a necklace then I'd always wear it
If scars were bracelets then I’d wear many
If sickness were bullets then I’d be shot dead
If love was a video game then I’d be played the most
If limbs were friends then I’d lost many
If you were me then you’d know
Mar 31, 2015
Mar 31, 2015 at 11:05 PM UTC
My tears are like razor wire
Upon my ****** skin
They bleed my emotions
"
"
"
Feelings
Abandonment
Suffering
In silence, my tears
Scream down my face,
In silence to others
But every moment one falls
Nails
Scream
Upon a
Chalk
Board,
Deafening my senses, they
Loosen from my face
Falling like,
Atomic Bombs
Cleansing,
Vaporizing,
Emotions,
On the ground below,
My tears scream out in silence
And I am the only one that can hear..
Oct 11, 2014
Oct 11, 2014 at 9:19 AM UTC
Roads,roads, I'm sick of roads, where they bring me God
Knows,
sometimes the road I take
Snows,
other times beauty
Shows.
Roads, roads, I'm sick of roads, why must life keep going, why must I keep choosing, I'm tired. Roads, roads, I'm sick of roads, splitting my brain in
Two,
confusing me until someone says my name and I say
"Who?"
Roads, roads, so many roads, but only one is
Right,
roads, roads, I'm sick of roads, I'm tired of the ongoing
Fight.
Is it so wrong to just want to be in the
Light?
Roads, roads, I'm sick of roads, slippery, bumpy and
Tight.
Roads, roads, I'm sick of roads, I want to see the
Light!
Aug 7, 2014
Aug 7, 2014 at 9:30 PM UTC