#adoption
Dinner with a pair of pajama's
Here is my tow, the image of sincerity
Is meant to be, a looking and little more when
A shadow has become my inheritance, for curiosity
Lips I never saw, accept me in a craving
Time is a worried heart, to lend a dramatic yet
Play the part of a speed, for my special stare saving
So in more, and so in form; the smile I offer is met?
Live well, and *** is my best friend
Let me peek one more time, this one is a mightier word
Sakes and tools of worthier trades, know me for a sin...
Terror in my belly has said hi, to a shyer wry than the world
Look and seek, the through of an adored two, I made
With the help of a secret friend, and the smile of you
Life has become a notorious care in the palm of a grace
Here, here, here; spare smiles and actual space for a risks clue
Hey, anarchy...
When I stare at a green daydream, with the eyes of a stir
Many cooler minds go by, and the wink of charity
Where a smiles belongs, but there is no way to share?
A friend has a smile in the smile of another
Saying the obvious, will serve me a droning muses won
Looking hard for another friend, the order of things is quite a bother
This friend of mine is you, when the little bird flies into the sun...
Reality stinks...
When I am here to wish, on a star that watched
The little bird catch the fly, in the rhyme and reason it thinks
Is my silence, but only when you admit a voice has talked...
May 11
May 11, 2026 at 1:52 AM UTC
I jumped through the hoops,
Took the classes,
I did everything.
I trusted you,
"Oh, you're brilliant,"
"Nothing bad will happen,"
"You'll keep her."
What a lie.
You took her,
You stole my smile.
They raised her,
You stripped my will.
They love her.
That made me happy.
She should have my love, though,
Like she has my eyes.
She should be just like me,
But she's a mini them.
I yearn to cease,
I plead for death,
I beg this to stop.
I want to be:
Deep in the dirt,
Empty lunged,
Stilled body,
Dead.
I want to not live in this pain.
I want the best for her;
That's not me.
I am not the best,
I am not brilliant,
I am not a mother.
I am a bystander in her life,
Watching from afar.
I lost her.
How can I want to survive?
When I feel nothing,
How do I live?
When I forfeited a part of me.
So fake it 'til we make it.
Let's perform,
Put on one hell of a show.
Keep pretending.
Apr 16
Apr 16, 2026 at 8:47 AM UTC
They are mine, but they are not mine.
They have my eyes, but they sparkle unlike mine.
They have my smile, but it lights up the world and mine doesn't.
They have my cheeks, full of so much colour and life.
They have my face, but it is not mine.
She is loud.
She is opinionated and fierce,
Tracing the spines of dinosaurs I never taught her to name.
The wit that sparks from her tongue,
The amazing giggle that rings through a hallway I’ve never walked-
That music was composed by other hands.
Those jokes were born in a house where I am a shadow.
She carries my blood, but their habits.
She carries my features, but their heart.
So if she looks like me,
But speaks like them;
If she has my ghost,
But their life...
How can I call her mine?
Apr 14
Apr 14, 2026 at 6:56 PM UTC
I’m jealous of who I used to be
Ignorant to the truth of my existence,
Weightless,
Untouched by the damage
Of choices that I couldn’t consent to,
Not yet tied to the strings
of a past that I had no part in
Wondering who you were
Believing there was a better reason
Because hope hurt less
That knowing you chose to say no.
Unwanted,
You let me go.
But sometimes I wish I didn’t know.
I’m jealous of who I used to be
Before the lies came to light.
Before I learned
My father lived a whole life
With no knowledge of me
Before I knew
The pieces I was missing
Had names, faces
Younger siblings I never got to see grow.
I felt complete before I knew,
Ignorance is a kind of mercy,
Undisturbed,
by the decisions that shaped my life
Without ever being agreed to by me.
I love who I am now.
Mature enough to rationalize
That the truth hurts,
But it does not own me
Secure,
Chosen,
loved by a family
Who said yes everyday.
Raised to love
with my whole heart.
Never questioning
Where I belonged.
I live with this truth now.
Capable,
Of allowing myself to be loved,
And loving in return
I love who I am now
Not born from love
But grown inside of it.
Nurtured by people
who love endlessly.
Who filled space with care
Instead of absence
Even knowing
I was a mistake to you
I am comforted,
By the truth
That I was never a mistake to them.
I was lost for a while,
But my family knew where to find me.
And I know now
Without a doubt
Where I belong.
Feb 10
Feb 10, 2026 at 8:43 PM UTC
I am from a loneliness
That I no longer claim.
I am from a gift of God—
Call it luck if you want, the kind
Of luck that saves, and ever since that
Ripe-old age of one I say
I am from Colorado.
I am from a father that couldn’t stay.
I am from a mother who couldn’t.
But they are not important.
To miss them, they’d have to be real to me,
Not Goldilocks, not Cinderella, not Little Red Riding Hood—
Not a fairy tale.
No, the important part is this:
I am from two parents who went through hell and
Prayed to God that they could do better, and did.
I am from two parents who did their best,
But their best was not always good enough.
I am from two parents with worn-down, stomped-on hearts
And still they kept on beating.
And still they kept on beating.
Everything came down to this—
Everything came down to me.
But I am not a Lego flower built of blocks,
Generations of too-bright, too-wide, too-tight smiles
Meanwhile both hands in a bear trap.
No, I am a flower grown up from the dirt.
I am the blood rushing through me every time I put
Pen to paper.
I am stubborn softness, smart and stupid, everything and nothing.
I am what I longed to be and what I feared becoming.
I am an ocean, the deep blue fading to dark.
I am an open book written in code.
But I hope one day, dear God, I hope
That one day I’ll be brave.
One day I’ll stand on solid ground
And find a hill worth dying on.
I want a home with a willow tree,
A house built in the branches.
I want two kids to chase around, walls
Filled with laughter and messes and warmth.
And God, I want to hear my footsteps
On the floor of a courthouse, briefcase in hand.
I want to be something, I want to be someone
And heaven knows that is what I will be.
A mind like a mess, just a tangle of thoughts,
I am everything that I ever loved, lived, and lost.
Aug 18, 2025
Aug 18, 2025 at 7:09 PM UTC
I didn’t know how much I wanted to be a mother,
Until I met the man who would be a fantastic father.
Now I’m waiting for you little one to bring meaning to my life.
May 13, 2025
May 13, 2025 at 6:27 AM UTC
a doe wandered into the clear path of the starry forest. three shots had rung out.
a buck lay flat on the clovers and tall grass.
a fawn beside him pawing the ground.
three frogs hopping in the trees.
down down down.
the doe lay beside the fawn as it denied the inevitable, inescapable truth.
he was gone.
she was here.
and the frogs sang a sappy tune.
"ohhh cry out sweet sorrow, the dragonflies skitter away! the cats are out and the mice are at play. whistle sour melodies and harmonious truth, the deer have crossed over, behind stayed their youth."
the young doe shooed away the silly frogs before the hunters heard.
poor fawn.
no mama in sight.
Mar 30, 2025
Mar 30, 2025 at 11:30 PM UTC
I could thank you for raising me,
For making me who I was meant to be,
But you hated that task.
It showed in your actions, your face—I didn’t have to ask.
Yet you did make me who I am today.
I will never know trust or love in a fatherly way.
Abandoned by my own, scorned by you,
You held my mother’s hands steady as she stabbed me through.
You are the wound I was never meant to have.
Feb 28, 2025
Feb 28, 2025 at 10:51 AM UTC
I am the zombie flea
Left for dead
Resurrected by hope
As now pain
No fear
And astronomical
Strength physically
And emotionally
For I am half dead
From my beginnings
A zombie
Dec 14, 2024
Dec 14, 2024 at 2:39 AM UTC
do you remember the time
when you said that you
wished you could send me back?
that you wished
you had never adopted me?
do you remember
when i called you a
substitute mother?
I was only 6
years old,
but i should have known better.
the first half of my life,
i was the problem.
i broke rules—
broke trust.
broke you.
eight years later,
everything was a fight.
i didn’t hate you,
but i hated our relationship
because it was a minefield.
ten years later,
and we’re teetering on the edge
where anything i do
can send us over.
i almost miss the constant fighting
because at least i felt angry
instead of scared.
scared of doing the wrong thing,
because i always do, every time.
at least then,
i did not have to live with
the knowledge of my guilt.
but i should feel guilty,
but it hurts.
but i should be hurting,
because you are hurt.
i want to scream,
“𝑰 𝑾𝑨𝑺 𝑱𝑼𝑺𝑻 𝑨 𝑲𝑰𝑫”,
but you were just a mother
being dismissed
by a child who you only
ever wanted to love.
now, i am the one
whose every mistake
weighs heavy
because it is one
out of a tall, tall stack.
now, i am reaping
what i sowed,
and swallowing
the bitter fruit.
Jul 16, 2024
Jul 16, 2024 at 7:38 PM UTC
At 15 she had her goals in her mind
To get her high school degree,
then her bachelor's
and then her master's
and maybe even her doctorates
She wanted to own house with a nice back yard
Despite the house crisis
She wanted to adopt she knew she was planning far ahead but didn't mind
At 18 she got her first degree
Then her second, third and fourth
She worked her *** off having ups and downs
Her world ending then starting again
She finally got a house at 27
And at 30 she adopted a 13 year old boy
She fell in love with him immediately of course
And did her best to give him the world
And in his senior year of highschool she gets him a car
She wished she hadn't
He got into a crash a few months later
He never recovered
Her world ended at 35
And it didn't pick back up again
Feb 1, 2024
Feb 1, 2024 at 11:11 AM UTC
Walking down this busy street
Passing people I will never meet
I wonder how it got to this point
A time where I can have so much
And yet feel so alone
If I look back
Was it all my fault
That I am and have always been
On the the edge of everything I’ve seen
It started the day I was born
When that woman from whose body I was torn
Decided I wasn’t for her
And since that day I have wondered looking
for her again
In every woman I ever known
I have looked to be loved for that very first unconditional time
Perhaps in a way I am drawn to her because she too was cast aside by one who should have loved
in that echo I hear my own voice as well as hers
And in that two note chord there lies
the start of a song we both can sing
Sep 3, 2023
Sep 3, 2023 at 6:36 AM UTC
Little dog running hard
toward the parked cars
looking and sniffing
then rushes to the next one
panting
eyes filled with anxiety
seeking the owner who abandoned it
big round eyes all teary
it must be thinking sadly
"if i get to become a human in the next life
i will do anything to be kind
adopt a cute puppy
and stay with it
until the end of time."
Jan 15, 2021
Jan 15, 2021 at 1:35 PM UTC
Would any body like to adopt my grades?
Cuz I can't raise them myself.
Jan 1, 2021
Jan 1, 2021 at 7:28 AM UTC
in my dreams you wear a yellow dress
A color of innocence
You speak to me like you really know who I am
& I’m looking at you wondering if I see me.
But it’s just a dream and I guess
We will really never know
If you wear a yellow dress
Or if you even ever wanted me
If you ever wanted to
Know who I was.
Today I sit here
And can only visit
You in my dreams
Whenever mind allows it
& this time this is such a
Happy dream, you in a yellow dress
Leaning you head on me.
But in my reality, its
Still a terrible nightmare
That I am scared will
Never go away
Dec 17, 2020
Dec 17, 2020 at 8:34 PM UTC
My girl don't sit next to me and play on the swings
She's in my mind just doing those things
Sometimes I wish I wasn't a chicken and I could see you more
Should of pushed harder but how can you when its a c section
Running around alone when you should have a family
Giving all your baby clothes away
Its like better than a miscarriage but its not because you know she's somewhere laughing in someone else's house
Your scared to tell people your feelings because we are all supposed to get old and have kids
What if you didn't have your kid no more and your not "mom"
Then you know how it feels when everything's gone
Jealousy's a deadly sin but I am already dead inside
I know you can't have what I can but why does it mean you can take it in the first place
This is eating me inside but I think about is you sitting on the swing set outside.
Oct 10, 2020
Oct 10, 2020 at 9:05 PM UTC
Pacing up and down I call for the gentle cat
food in hand and slippers on I walk to be kind
to the small black and brown looking lost
the young hungry female wandering our street
For a name and a home to our neighbours I chat
until petting hands to the child left behind
we offer warmth amidst the rising frost
a listening ear a cushion to lay on and food to eat
Sep 27, 2020
Sep 27, 2020 at 9:23 AM UTC
For a while I've been trying to write,
But when I finally have an idea it's night.
I just want to write my thoughts out,
I want to talk, I want to shout!
I want more than anything to show you I'm real,
To show you it takes a while to heal.
I wish I had the right words to say,
To tell you how it made me feel for you to walk away.
I have nothing left,
I've become very depressed.
The colors I see are dull and gray,
This is my poem of the day.
Apr 26, 2020
Apr 26, 2020 at 10:06 PM UTC
He was my father, I never thought that would change,
But then things began to rearrange.
I love him still to this day,
I'm just sad to say he wasn't able to stay.
I never thought he would give in,
So when he said yes my mind had begun to spin.
He was my dad, and I thought that meant forever,
He left though, now I don't talk about things just say whatever.
He was the most important to me,
Because I thought he would never think to set me free.
Now he hasn't reached out in awhile,
I've begun to lose my smile.
He's nothing but a stranger now because he's gone,
He left, he even managed to beat the dawn.
I wanted him to be there for me no matter what,
But then he left and the door slowly shut.
I guess I wasn't a good daughter,
Because you just forgot her.
Apr 7, 2020
Apr 7, 2020 at 3:16 PM UTC
Why did you give us up?
Am I not enough?
Why did you give us up?
Did I not try hard enough?
Why did you give us up?
Should I smile more?
Why did you give us up?
Am I not pretty enough?
Why did you give us up?
Was I not a good daughter?
Mar 9, 2020
Mar 9, 2020 at 10:20 AM UTC
Mom, dad? I'm home to play,
Gosh it's just been the very best day.
Mom, dad where have you gone?
Why have you decided to leave by dawn?
Mom, dad? What do those words even mean?
Because mine have managed to go unseen.
Mom, dad, are you coming back,
Or will I be the one to crack?
Mom, dad? I'm older now,
Many people ask me how.
Mom, dad? I really miss you,
I hope you do too.
Mom, dad? I'm falling faster into the dark,
I've begun to lose my spark.
Mom, dad? Why did you leave me?
I'm sad to say I won't be the key.
Mom, dad? I guess I must say bye,
Even if I know you won't reply.
Mar 2, 2020
Mar 2, 2020 at 11:01 PM UTC
Hello mom and dad, I'm so excited today,
I've got no time to go out and play.
Today I will make you a present,
I hope it's very pleasant.
But then the bell rings and there is a call,
The words I hear make me feel so small.
What papers are you talking about?
Please, I beg you not to shout.
Why is everyone crying?
What are you implying?
Why are we not at our house?
What are all these doubts?
Finally someone explains to me,
Mom and dad wanted to set me free.
I'm not going to see them again,
They tell me take a deep breath and count to ten.
But I don't want to breathe, I want to cry,
Because all I ever did was try.
But I was not enough,
Why is life so tough?
I did everything you asked of me,
But now I'm locked without a key.
Now I'm all alone,
Stuck in the unknown.
Will I ever get to know,
About the trouble so long ago?
Mom and dad I thought you loved us,
Did we put up too much of a fuss?
Goodbye mom and dad, I'll sure miss you,
Because I never got to see what's true.
Feb 28, 2020
Feb 28, 2020 at 9:33 AM UTC
Can I find you past Mount Hua,
After crossing Cao’e River,
Through the fields of Longkou,
Will I be walking for long?
Sat, waiting for the train to go
To take me where I am supposed to be
Head pressed against the cold window
I want that seat.
Lost among the frames
And paths between stones
You should be somewhere among
The busy laying down of flowers
I want to know
A fickle not fitting anywhere
A missing piece,
Just wandering.
Who do I owe my existence to.
Who brought me here.
I would kneel down to you
And offer my deepest gratitude
Tired of floating up in the air
Just whisked around by the wind.
The tree with roots is stronger
The clouds so lonely.
Breezing by, the single leaf
Stuck in this one state
I’ll walk alone with my two legs
Don’t worry, I’ll continue to go
But where are you?
The people who came before me
Blocks of my past
You’re going too far
I’m lost.
This voice,
The voice formed
Trying to reach out
It’s calling out
It can’t let go,
Where it came from.
Every sunshine,
Every storm,
It surrounds us
Brings us to life.
I’ll always look up
And see it like you.
Going past Mount Hua
Alone among the clouds
Who put me here
I want to know.
I’ll travel long
And so far,
I’ve been walking for long.
I’ll put my respects
Will you see me
I won’t be disappointed
I’ll lay down everything
Just to have my place.
Left away
Those a part of me
I’m walking through the path
But where are you?
Oct 20, 2019
Oct 20, 2019 at 3:47 AM UTC