you click the button
you drop your eyelids and darkness engulfs your vision
you listen to your heart faintly beat, preparing yourself for the drop
you open your ears but shut down all outside noise
you take a deep breath, inhaling what feels like clean air
you let it slither out of your lungs
your minds feels at ease
your ears swallow the first tones

it beings

the base beings to to slowly spark up
you feel the music engulf your body,
lifting your mind to a higher place
the build up leaves your body tense
it starts to speed up
faster
faster
building the intensity
sending
shivers
down your
s  p  i  n  e
then
    it
               STOPS
you feel the excitement boiling out of you
as you await it....
it seems like centuries
but is only seconds
then it happens
                       "LET THE BASS.....DROP"
it

d
-r
--o
---p
----s

you get covered in goosebumps
your breath escapes you
your eyes pounce open from
the bass pounding waves throughout you
you see the the sweet wubs
create ripples of color in a blackned room
you grin and sway to the bass

and as you get that look on your face

                                            thats when the music makes you feel good
                                                            ­                   makes you feel
                                                            ­                         ALIVE

Its depressing,
seeing the world around me crumble

I stand still and watch the world
speed by me
no one has the time to bother,
everyone doing something,
at all times

what has this world become
teenagers getting pregnant for television
bulling over the internet that can not be stopped
money the only source of a hope for a future in this world

adults say we have it "easier"
tell me why?
because we have internet?
because we have a "connected society?"
because we live in "rich times"?

When I look around
I see more peer pressure then any other generation has had to deal with
I see young adults taking their lives because they don't fit in with the crowd
I see a wounded country full of idiots
I see teenagers giving up in school
I see parents who don't care

How do we have it easier?
You haven't even experienced the times we have grown up in
live our lives, live with our connections, then you will see....

Its depressing,
seeing the world crumble around me

I Hate You*
Everything you do
the stupid things you say
the immature things you do.

I Love You
Everything you do
the sweet things you say
the loving things you do

I Hate You
the way you treat me
how you get mad at everything
how you never see things from my view

I Love You
the way you treat me
how you care about me and protect me
how you will always be there for me

I *hate our relationship, but I love you...

Who are you
Who are you to judge me
to laugh at my faults and to treat me like I am a lower person
what gives you the right to tell me that I am a freak
you do not know what I have gone through,
you have no idea the things that have happened to me
so how do you have the right to destroy my self esteem

Who are you
Who are you to spread the rumors about me
to feed everyone lies to seem more popular,
even though it does not help you rise at all
so how come you have to ruin my life to give you the illusion that your life is going to get better

Who are you
Who are you to give me ***** looks
to look at my scars and decide it makes me a lesser person
to see me for my appearance and base your knowledge of my person off of that
so how do you get to decide if I am acceptable based off my looks

Who are you
Who are you to treat me any differently
it is because we share a different group of friends,
because you listen to lies and rumors,
because I look and act differently?

You can judge me all you want
You can create the lies
You can treat me differently,
but
I know who I am, what makes me unique

Do you know who you are?
**Who are you?

A mothers love is like nothing else in this world
they keep you safe, they love you till the end
you are a part of them

A mothers love knows no law
it knows no pity
her love will never leave you to be alone

A mothers love remorselessly knocks down all that stand in its path
they will protect you, for you are their soul
she will go though hell and back for you

if this is so..... then why do some leave
why are some mothers not there to protect,
to love,
to be there for you...

Stainless steel,
the sharp edge, to the smooth side
gentle shaking hands, slowly raise it to a point
small fingers run along the blade
an oh so fine tip, as sharp as their hateful gaze
it pierces the skin

Racing thoughts come to a slow
time seems to freeze as the cold blade gives my smooth wrist chills

it gets easier from here

not to swift
nor to slow
the blade cuts though skin and flesh
igniting the fire deep inside
the adrenaline begins to rush

my heart and drugged up mind scream deeper
as a small, lost voice whispering "no..." is hushed
so very quickly
my problems, my dreams, my emotions shatter

steady hands pull away
the deep line turns red as I lay my quiet head back
the warm, sweet blood slides down my wrist
easing the cold feeling

the more the blood runs, the better I feel
releasing me from sorrow and pain
but only for a short while

wounds heal over, only scars left behind
the memory just a blur
the burning sensations cools
until the need comes roaring back
the blade comes back out

but until then I can rest my head