Today
I dropped toothpaste on my work shirt
Today
I got caught up with a customer for an hour
Today
I had a headache all day and couldn't see straight
Today
I could not stop smiling
Today
I couldn't stop picturing your smile behind my eyelids
Today
I finally felt like we were back to normal

I'm starting to feel
Like my heart
Is only ever
Going to bleed
Your name.

I saw your hand
reach out to playfully push me
like old times
and I saw
the way you hesitated
knowing you shouldn't
that moment of hesitation
kills me

I put on black eyeliner tonight
because I know you hate it.
And after the day I've had today
I can't handle it if you look at me
like I know all the answers to
the universe.

It isn't fair
That your eyes still sparkle
Every time you look at me
When I've always been told
to shoot for the stars.

Dear you,
I know if you see this you'll know it's about you.
Because really, it's always been you.
And I can find pictures of us from when we were kids.
And the look on my face.
I swear I knew I was supposed to be with you when I was six.
Too bad you were twelve and I was just a dumb kid.
And I can find pictures of us two years ago.
When she still allowed you to talk to me.
Before she saw that my look was mirrored in your eyes.
And it may have taken you twelve years but you saw it.
And I can't find any pictures of us now.
Because we aren't allowed together when she's around.
And she is ALWAYS AROUND.
And this isn't our fault because you can't help this.
It's hard watching you be with her when my chest is exploding trying to let you see.
When my heart is breaking my ribs into fragments trying to get to you.
I'm comparing everyone to you which is so
*******
stupid
because you're right here and I know in some other life it's me making you laugh and it's me you wrap your arms around and it's me who gets that whispered
"I love you"
This is starting to get weird.
Jesus Christ I know you know it's me.